My dear Shmata Queen will yell at me if I say a day in cleveland felt like a life sentence so I won’t make any cracks about it but I will say today feels like I was drowning in stupidity and none of it was my own.
Would have been easier to deal with because I would have kicked my own ass and gotten out of my own way. There is nothing more frustrating than knowing than the reason you are covered in shadows is because you are standing in your own sunshine, but that wasn’t the situation today.
It would have been better if I could have blamed it upon the Zombie Apocalypse because zombies aren’t thinking creatures but that wasn’t the case either.
I might not be a super genius but no one is going to describe me as fucking stupidÂ unless they want me to demonstrate the finer side of my Taurus nature. 🙂
Got a pair of Bose noise reduction headphones on my headÂ while The Guess Who is singing No Time and I try to decompress.
The headphones were a business purchase I made last year because when you work out of the house you need to find ways to eliminate some of the chaos that kids, dogs and gardeners bring.
“There’s no time left for you, No time left for you”
When I was 25 I felt like I had an endless amount of time to use. Life felt like one giant gift that was filled with countless boxes I could open and check out.
Twenty some years later I hear the tick-tock of an internal clock and though I can’t see the end of the road I am riding on I know I am closer to it than I once was so I am more determined to focus my efforts on the people and places that mean the most to me.
I hate the idea of wasting time unless it is my choice to do so which probably helps explain why today set me off because it is the second day where I wasn’t as productive as I wanted to be.
Last night at basketball one of the guys told me I play well for a guy who is pushing forty.
It was a compliment.
He had no clue I am closer to 50 than 30. No clue that some days I wonder how long I can maintain it all. I am high energy, but I don’t have all I used to have and I wonder how much is related to stress and how much to age/mileage.
At 25 I didn’t know where I was going but now I have a pretty damn good idea which I suppose is part of the reason I am frustrated.
It is also fair to say I am intolerant now of spending more time with what doesn’t fill my heart and soul than I was then.
Today I make a point of being present in the now but I am raring to charge into my future.
69 Ways To Insult People While Having Sex Or Blogging
That is pure unadulterated linkbait.
Some people tell me that it doesn’t work but experience has proven them wrong. Posts like
Things Bloggers Say During Sex and 69 Reasons Why Fathers Make Better Lovers haveÂ been among the most heavily read here and sometimes among those that generated the most comments.
I like to read through some of these old posts to see if I am still talking about doing the same things or if I have actually gone and done them.
One of the lessons I want my children to learn is that you are not allowed to complain about things unless you are willing to do something about them.
It drives me crazy to hear people whine about what they won’t try to fix and that is part of why I read the old posts because I don’t want to be a hypocrite.
I want to look back and see that I have made progress and if it turns out I haven’t then that is on me.
The only person I can hold accountable for my life is me.
What I Want From Blogging
Sometimes I read posts other bloggers write and realize I really have become one of the cranky old men of the blogosphere.
I read about how they wish more brands worked with them and how they are jealous of other bloggers and I shake my head because I hate the drivel they put out.
Poorly written drivel about how they used weasel words to convince a brand to give them free crap they would review and or giveaway.
And then I ask myself if I am irritated because they got something I wanted or have done something I hoped to do and didn’t.
I ask myself if it is jealousy.
I ask if people would roll their eyes at my posts.
Sometimes the answer is yes.
That is why I ask myself what I want from blogging because it is how I determine if I am on the right path or not.
Today I remind myself that I am getting most of what I want from blogging. I have a place where I can actively work on my writing and focus on becoming a better storyteller.
A place where I can chronicle important moments and events in my life and my children.
This is where I take stock of my life and say today it is not yet where I want it to be. But one of the nice things about the blog is it’s also a cyber yardstick so I can see where I was and how far I have come.
That future I am raring to go to is much closer than it was.
Progress feels good. Maybe I was more productive than I thought.