Sometimes you search for a Shmata not knowing you had spent your entire life looking.
It is only after you discover your Shmata that you recognize what you had been missing and begin to wonder if you are crazy.
You make excuses and drag your feet because it couldn’t possibly be what you think it could and by the time you realize what you have things happen and you realize you just witnessed a shooting star.
Except the night sky is no longer lit so brightly and all you have is a trail and memory.
Time passes and you begin to think that maybe you were wrong, maybe you fooled yourself into thinking it was special but in your heart you know better.
Your air has gone and you choke a little bit and wonder why the sun doesn’t shine quite so bright.
Are You Alone In The Dark?
It is hard not to feel like you are alone in the dark and to wonder if that feeling is proof of your having fooled yourself.
And just when you are convinced you are indeed alone you find fingers wrapped in yours and for a long while you smile and your heart soars because the warmth is back.
Until it is not and you wonder if it is a cycle or a hiccup.
Maybe it is both and maybe it is neither.
The funny thing is you wander around trying to pretend it is meaningless even though you are convinced you’re still not alone in the dark.
All you need to do is reach and you’ll find those fingers again. Somewhere in the darkness you’ll hear a voice reprimand you for not believing.
And you’ll say you were told not to believe and be told you were always told to ignore the voice.
That will make you crazy because sometimes you follow and sometimes you ignore.
Red dress, blue dress–it doesn’t matter what fucking dress it is.
Wear it and then take it off.
You just know in your gut that you are right.
It is the best thing ever and a curse because even though you are convinced there is that little voice that says wait until the fingers find yours.
Is that really what you are supposed to do?
The boys of your youth would call you a pussy for that and though you never really cared, you sort of do now.
Maybe it is because you hope that you’re supposed to take that risk and you’ll be rewarded for doing so.
But if you are not, if you are wrong, well it is not much fun getting smacked in the mouth now is it.
We were together, I forget the rest- Whitman
That ring of fire burns, burns, burns- that fucking ring of fire.
Close your eyes and find your center and ask yourself what happens when lightning strikes and the impossible and improbable come to be.
It all started with one single moment and it could all start again…or not.