The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Jack Steiner

Can I Give You A Ride

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Some of you will interpret the headline in a way that I didn’t intend for you to but I can’t worry about that. Can’t put time into whether you follow this as I want or hope you to because I can’t control a damn thing.

Or should I say I can’t control your understanding/interpretation of what I say or don’t say.

There are the few who don’t require much to follow the crumbs I lay upon the floor or to see them as rose petals, but very few.

And even those few will misunderstand and misinterpret some of it, maybe all of it. I am certain some will do so intentionally because it is easier to manage some things like that.

Easier to create excuses and reasons not to go beyond a certain place than to open those doors. I know, I have done it.


Fuck Me

Now there is an expression that is hard to decipher without context. Is it said in exasperation or seductively?

Might be somewhere in between or something different altogether.

Been looking at the theme for this joint and wondering if it is helping to tell the stories I tell or if it is making it harder.

Haven’t decided yet, but eventually, I will.

Been distracted because I haven’t felt right physically in a long time. I am not quite wrong, but I am not quite right either.

Can’t decide if it is stress, age or illness. Hell, it could be all three.

I go through periods where I feel like I am almost back and the body does as I expect and then something happens.

Sometimes it is something that blows up all that I think I have accomplished and sometimes it is a variation. Irks me more than I can say.

Used to be so damn strong in every way and now it comes and goes in a way that throws me and makes me wonder what I need to do to adjust because it can’t be like this forever.

Can’t be like this for the next hundred years, maybe I am just not disciplined enough about exercise and diet or maybe it is something else.

Maybe it is vanity, maybe it is sanity-I’ll figure it out and then I’ll have to make some choices and decisions.

This part scares me more than I let on, but don’t expect me to say that in person.

Why?

Because force of will carries me past every obstacle, always has and I expect it to again. I’ll figure it out or I’ll be sad and disappointed.

Can’t have that, not about the few things I can control so I suppose I’ll figure it out.

Life is hard, but in many ways it is better than it has been in a decade or so…

That is pretty cool.

Memory Blanks

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Four or five hours ago I knew what I was going to write about here and made a point to make a mental note to remember or write it down.

It was a good idea, but it didn’t happen and now the thing that could have been an awesome sequel to the prior post is lost inside the cavern between my ears.

Could tell you not to worry and you would probably say that is good because you don’t but I suspect at least one of you does. At least one found themselves weirded out but not weirded out by the prior post.

Because sometimes you go through hell and beyond and end up in the place between limbo and heaven wondering how the fuck you got there and if you need to stay.

It is a reasonable question, why dance in the fire if you can extinguish it and walk away?

Maybe because you realize the fire burns in a different way and you are determined to figure out what the hell is different and if you should pay attention to it.

Because you have missed opportunities before and this time you are not going to miss one without putting more thought and influence into it.

That’s not to say you didn’t put thought into it before, but this time age, wisdom and experience are there to lean upon and that is worth more than just a little.

One moment and nothing was ever the same, might as well run it down.

Been Way Too Long

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Time moves faster than I realize because it feels like but a moment since SQ asked me to reconsider leaving and I said not to worry because I would be back.

Been slightly less than a moment since I updated this joint except the calendar shows how very wrong I am on both accounts.

Don’t think I have ever gone this long between posts here and that bothers me because this is one of my homes and I feel like I haven’t taken care of it.

Been busy with important things, meaningful things, things that qualify as more than stuff but it doesn’t take the sting out some of it.

Told SQ that sometimes that familiar ache hits so very hard and didn’t hear anything in return but took silence as acknowledgment because sometimes there is no reason to say much more.

If she stepped into my arms it would feel like no time had passed and the familiarity of home would be there because we carry our home with us wherever we go.


No Time To Do It All

Haven’t got enough time to do it all and too much to ignore what I can do.

Looked in the mirror and shook my head because I see the weight of the past and a face that knows what it means to live, to love and to lose.

A face that knows triumph, sorrow and the in-between.

He can carry the load himself if need be because it is how he is built, but it is not his first choice.

It is why I told SQ it is time to carry each other again and to let go and let be. To take a shot at grabbing that brass ring and to see if the magic is truly eternal as we have always known and believed it to be.

Always said one kiss would bring it all back which is why she hides her lips, because it is known and destiny will force our hands whether we choose to cooperate or not.

So better to march out and meet it on our terms, as best we can.

Why be Charles and Camilla when you could be like that man in black and his girl.

You can face the opportunity and see if the sun still warms your countenance or stand under the clouds and pretend the shadow cannot move.

The Queen May Read

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Thought about what was written here and wondered when the queen may read it. Hope it would be sooner than later but time really has no meaning right now.

Impatient I may be, anxious to have conversation and connection because of a feeling that things are heading a certain direction.

Got no logical reason to feel this way, merely a gut impulse but every other time I felt it the thing I thought would happen did.

Doesn’t mean it will, but it doesn’t mean it won’t either.

So if I sit upon the fence post and wait a moment before determining what side to come down upon I am ok with it.

Look In My Eyes

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“As if you were on fire from within.

The moon lives in the lining of your skin.”
― Pablo Neruda

There was a time when I tried to kiss the queen and she pulled away.

She told me no and I respected her wishes but I was tempted to ask her to look in my eyes and tell me she didn’t like the electric shock our connected lips created.

Instead I stayed silent and waited to see if he would volunteer it on her own but she didn’t.

Time passed and when we connected again she kissed me though she would never admit to having made the first move.

After we had spent some time with locked lips I asked her if I was crazy and she said yes, but not about the feeling.

“I like kissing you.”

I smiled and told her we ought to make a coven tree about it.

She told me to shut up and kiss her some more.

“No more of those jokes or you get no more of this.”

I smiled again and felt her legs wrap around mine and of that moment no more is to be shared…here.

Could Be Coincidence

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Sort of felt like I went out on a limb a little bit when I wrote this post but that isn’t the coincidence.

Nah, that came from seeing someone get involved with this post on Medium that I also shared here.

Can’t get into it all right now and I won’t but damn if something didn’t explode inside my head, so very strange, not necessarily a bad thing, probably very good but unexpected.

And now I have this crazy sense of something coming and am so very curious.