The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Jack Steiner

The Love Story Revisited

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There was a time when I would receive emails from a few readers asking for updates about the love story and for information about when the next chapter would be written/shared here.

Been a long while since the last one so I am not certain whether the reader(s) who wanted such news are still around or what the last update they saw was.

I have some ideas about what sort of update to provide and have played around with how to present it but obviously haven’t yet done so.

Some might ask for clarity on whether I am waiting to hear back from the readers or if I intend to share something new here regardless.

It is a reasonable question and one I could answer but probably won’t.

Yeah, that is the kind of mood I am in. 😉

Not a bad one, not by a long shot but I am sort of enjoying the warmth of this particular feeling. We all have our secret worlds and sometimes we choose to live in them for a bit longer because we can.

Sometimes the king and queen require their time to be their own so they can have a moment to get reacquainted and rebalanced.

It is good for all parties and what is good needs to be watered and nurtured so the trunk stays strong and the roots well fed.

Changes Upon Changes

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Been listening to this song on and off throughout the day. Can’t tell you why I started but once I did a couple sections hit me and I was sucked in.

Haven’t had time to start looking at the redesign of this joint, but did play around with asking SQ about it.

Already hit her with some other questions that might be making her eyes roll, knees weak and her head explode so might let it go cuz those other questions might lead to the positive or negative sides of the physical descriptions above.

And truth is I really need to think about what I am trying to achieve here and that will lead to the path I choose to go down or so I think.

It is a particularly strange time so I am giving myself room to move around a bit, the final days of 2020 require it.

Design Changes

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Still haven’t decided if I like the look of this joint and am thinking about some design changes but haven’t come up with any hard decisions yet.

Three days of work left before I take a small vacation and decompress.

Just might take some of that time off to work on things here. Just might dedicate some time to tinkering and devote some thought to making it sing as I wish it would.

We’ll have to see given the effort it took to reach this moment I might not have as much left in the tank as I expect.

Might crash, might not.

My heart aches and it soars all at the same time, so who knows what might be.

Will be interesting to find out.

Can I Give You A Ride

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Some of you will interpret the headline in a way that I didn’t intend for you to but I can’t worry about that. Can’t put time into whether you follow this as I want or hope you to because I can’t control a damn thing.

Or should I say I can’t control your understanding/interpretation of what I say or don’t say.

There are the few who don’t require much to follow the crumbs I lay upon the floor or to see them as rose petals, but very few.

And even those few will misunderstand and misinterpret some of it, maybe all of it. I am certain some will do so intentionally because it is easier to manage some things like that.

Easier to create excuses and reasons not to go beyond a certain place than to open those doors. I know, I have done it.


Fuck Me

Now there is an expression that is hard to decipher without context. Is it said in exasperation or seductively?

Might be somewhere in between or something different altogether.

Been looking at the theme for this joint and wondering if it is helping to tell the stories I tell or if it is making it harder.

Haven’t decided yet, but eventually, I will.

Been distracted because I haven’t felt right physically in a long time. I am not quite wrong, but I am not quite right either.

Can’t decide if it is stress, age or illness. Hell, it could be all three.

I go through periods where I feel like I am almost back and the body does as I expect and then something happens.

Sometimes it is something that blows up all that I think I have accomplished and sometimes it is a variation. Irks me more than I can say.

Used to be so damn strong in every way and now it comes and goes in a way that throws me and makes me wonder what I need to do to adjust because it can’t be like this forever.

Can’t be like this for the next hundred years, maybe I am just not disciplined enough about exercise and diet or maybe it is something else.

Maybe it is vanity, maybe it is sanity-I’ll figure it out and then I’ll have to make some choices and decisions.

This part scares me more than I let on, but don’t expect me to say that in person.

Why?

Because force of will carries me past every obstacle, always has and I expect it to again. I’ll figure it out or I’ll be sad and disappointed.

Can’t have that, not about the few things I can control so I suppose I’ll figure it out.

Life is hard, but in many ways it is better than it has been in a decade or so…

That is pretty cool.

Memory Blanks

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Four or five hours ago I knew what I was going to write about here and made a point to make a mental note to remember or write it down.

It was a good idea, but it didn’t happen and now the thing that could have been an awesome sequel to the prior post is lost inside the cavern between my ears.

Could tell you not to worry and you would probably say that is good because you don’t but I suspect at least one of you does. At least one found themselves weirded out but not weirded out by the prior post.

Because sometimes you go through hell and beyond and end up in the place between limbo and heaven wondering how the fuck you got there and if you need to stay.

It is a reasonable question, why dance in the fire if you can extinguish it and walk away?

Maybe because you realize the fire burns in a different way and you are determined to figure out what the hell is different and if you should pay attention to it.

Because you have missed opportunities before and this time you are not going to miss one without putting more thought and influence into it.

That’s not to say you didn’t put thought into it before, but this time age, wisdom and experience are there to lean upon and that is worth more than just a little.

One moment and nothing was ever the same, might as well run it down.

Been Way Too Long

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Time moves faster than I realize because it feels like but a moment since SQ asked me to reconsider leaving and I said not to worry because I would be back.

Been slightly less than a moment since I updated this joint except the calendar shows how very wrong I am on both accounts.

Don’t think I have ever gone this long between posts here and that bothers me because this is one of my homes and I feel like I haven’t taken care of it.

Been busy with important things, meaningful things, things that qualify as more than stuff but it doesn’t take the sting out some of it.

Told SQ that sometimes that familiar ache hits so very hard and didn’t hear anything in return but took silence as acknowledgment because sometimes there is no reason to say much more.

If she stepped into my arms it would feel like no time had passed and the familiarity of home would be there because we carry our home with us wherever we go.


No Time To Do It All

Haven’t got enough time to do it all and too much to ignore what I can do.

Looked in the mirror and shook my head because I see the weight of the past and a face that knows what it means to live, to love and to lose.

A face that knows triumph, sorrow and the in-between.

He can carry the load himself if need be because it is how he is built, but it is not his first choice.

It is why I told SQ it is time to carry each other again and to let go and let be. To take a shot at grabbing that brass ring and to see if the magic is truly eternal as we have always known and believed it to be.

Always said one kiss would bring it all back which is why she hides her lips, because it is known and destiny will force our hands whether we choose to cooperate or not.

So better to march out and meet it on our terms, as best we can.

Why be Charles and Camilla when you could be like that man in black and his girl.

You can face the opportunity and see if the sun still warms your countenance or stand under the clouds and pretend the shadow cannot move.