Life

Still dancing in that fire and maybe the truth is I always have and the exception is when I haven’t been. Could be wrong, but it feels more right to me.

Maybe SQ knows, there is insight there no one else has for reasons no one needs to question because some things need to be accepted.

What happens in this life isn’t always based upon logic or reason and that becomes more evident to me each passing day.

Got a mix of melancholy and happiness with more emphasis on the latter than the former.

I suspect it is because I feel the end of one thing and the start of something new. Transitions are hard sometimes, but they are necessary.

And they aren’t necessarily bad things.

Heck, many times they are the good things, the harbinger of the better times.

Might seem strange to say it, but it works for me and that is good enough.

I feel the change coming and recognize the baby I thought I would see you one more time isn’t fire and rain but anticipation of a new spring.

Been a crazy time in which we got one of those twenty-year storms here in Texas in which the temperature plummeted and the snow fell in large amounts.

It wasn’t the kind of snowfall that would make Northerners notice or most midwesterners cry but only if it fell in their cities.

Because it was bad here…very bad.

The cities aren’t prepared to deal with snow and the bad drivers are made worse in times of ice and slick roads.

We can blame the state government for bad policies and probably put some blame upon city and local authorities too, but the bulk falls with Austin.

Damn near had to go rescue the Shmata Queen and others because of power and or water issues.

It wasn’t just that it was in the teens outside, but that it was exceptionally cold inside homes that had no heat.

Homes that were wrecked or severely damaged by water from broken pipes.

Who knows if it turns into a $500 million or $2 billion in insurance claim nightmare.

It was bad and it didn’t have to be.

Been listening to this song on and off throughout the day. Can’t tell you why I started but once I did a couple sections hit me and I was sucked in.

Haven’t had time to start looking at the redesign of this joint, but did play around with asking SQ about it.

Already hit her with some other questions that might be making her eyes roll, knees weak and her head explode so might let it go cuz those other questions might lead to the positive or negative sides of the physical descriptions above.

And truth is I really need to think about what I am trying to achieve here and that will lead to the path I choose to go down or so I think.

It is a particularly strange time so I am giving myself room to move around a bit, the final days of 2020 require it.

Some of you will interpret the headline in a way that I didn’t intend for you to but I can’t worry about that. Can’t put time into whether you follow this as I want or hope you to because I can’t control a damn thing.

Or should I say I can’t control your understanding/interpretation of what I say or don’t say.

There are the few who don’t require much to follow the crumbs I lay upon the floor or to see them as rose petals, but very few.

And even those few will misunderstand and misinterpret some of it, maybe all of it. I am certain some will do so intentionally because it is easier to manage some things like that.

Easier to create excuses and reasons not to go beyond a certain place than to open those doors. I know, I have done it.

Fuck Me

Now there is an expression that is hard to decipher without context. Is it said in exasperation or seductively?

Might be somewhere in between or something different altogether.

Been looking at the theme for this joint and wondering if it is helping to tell the stories I tell or if it is making it harder.

Haven’t decided yet, but eventually, I will.

Been distracted because I haven’t felt right physically in a long time. I am not quite wrong, but I am not quite right either.

Can’t decide if it is stress, age or illness. Hell, it could be all three.

I go through periods where I feel like I am almost back and the body does as I expect and then something happens.

Sometimes it is something that blows up all that I think I have accomplished and sometimes it is a variation. Irks me more than I can say.

Used to be so damn strong in every way and now it comes and goes in a way that throws me and makes me wonder what I need to do to adjust because it can’t be like this forever.

Can’t be like this for the next hundred years, maybe I am just not disciplined enough about exercise and diet or maybe it is something else.

Maybe it is vanity, maybe it is sanity-I’ll figure it out and then I’ll have to make some choices and decisions.

This part scares me more than I let on, but don’t expect me to say that in person.

Why?

Because force of will carries me past every obstacle, always has and I expect it to again. I’ll figure it out or I’ll be sad and disappointed.

Can’t have that, not about the few things I can control so I suppose I’ll figure it out.

Life is hard, but in many ways it is better than it has been in a decade or so…

That is pretty cool.

Sort of felt like I went out on a limb a little bit when I wrote this post but that isn’t the coincidence.

Nah, that came from seeing someone get involved with this post on Medium that I also shared here.

Can’t get into it all right now and I won’t but damn if something didn’t explode inside my head, so very strange, not necessarily a bad thing, probably very good but unexpected.

And now I have this crazy sense of something coming and am so very curious.