People

I have too many passwords and the iron trap memory that I pride myself upon is starting to ask me why we are not taking advantage of other resources.

In a perfect world I’d consider hiring Baravelli. He might not be the best gatekeeper but anyone who makes you smile is worth keeping around or at least thinking about.

Take a gander.

The Impact Of Cellphones On Memory

Those of you who remember life before everyone carried a cell phone will appreciate why when some people called me a walking white pages was a compliment.

Telephone numbers and random trivia were always easy for me to remember. If I called you once there was a good chance I remembered your number, definite if it was twice.

But that was then and this is now and things have changed slightly.

Instead of dialing your number and benefiting from the repetition of tapping it out on a touch tone dial pad or even sticking my fingers in the number hole on a rotary phone I just touch your name/photo and the phone does the rest.

In concept, if I enter your number and information in my contacts there is a good chance I might remember it, or at least a chunk, but even that doesn’t happen as often as it used to ‘cuz tech has made it simple to just beam information over.

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My kids will tell you I have gently lectured them about learning how to read maps because sometimes the map function on phones or the navigation systems in our cars don’t work.

They have heard me say “if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. Exercise your minds, think.”

What I haven’t heard them say is “I can’t remember the passcode to my phone or I can’t remember the password to XYZ”

Does that mean their memories are better than mine or alternatively that mine is going?”

Absolutely not.

It means I have stuffed more than 47 years of information into mine and they haven’t. The giant hole between their ears isn’t filled with as much stuff as mine is.

Or more accurately, I have many more things to worry about and be distracted by than they do.

If they were to ever bust my chops about this memory thing I’d smile and say I love you and then tell them I follow the advice of a very smart man.

Eat Your Words

Since I share DNA and a bit of an attitude with my children I would expect to hear some kind of retort about how they’ll use that line in school upon their teachers.

Can’t say I would be completely against the idea of complaining about being asked to regurgitate information because I am not convinced being able to do so is of benefit.

I suppose there are some good discussions to be had about what things you should memorize because there are benefits and what doesn’t but I’ll save going down that particular rabbit hole for a different day.

And I’ll confess that I had to erase my iPhone because I forgot the passcode.

That is what led me down this path and started this post.

I didn’t completely forget it or totally screw it up, but I botched it enough times that I got irked and decided to start over.

Since I back up my phone daily I didn’t lose any data, just a few minutes of peace.

And I know for certain that what is behind this is my not being present.

Be Present Where You Are

If you juggle enough balls in the air and are constantly multitasking it is easy to miss things.

That is what happened to me.

Got a ton of stuff going on now, some of which is very taxing and I wasn’t focused on some things so I screwed up the passcode.

If I had given myself a day or at least slept on it I probably would have come up with the code and been fine but I was tired and frustrated.

Some of this crap is wearing me out so I said screw it and just started over.

It worked out because of good planning and being prepared for stupid things happening like tech failure or brain farts like just not remembering something I had done a million times.

I don’t like it and am not particularly fond of struggling to remember some things.

But I am not going to panic about forgetting stuff when eight million other things are happening, that is normal.

Still it makes me think that maybe the great brain could use some simple assistance in some areas, maybe I ought to get a password manager.

Work is the reason why I am living by myself again.

In theory it will be like this for close to a year or so but you never know for certain.

Life has a way of making your well-laid plans look a little less well laid and well thought out so it is possible this could be shorter or longer.

Don’t mistake that for having been said with a frown or tears because it wasn’t, there is a lot of joy and optimism behind it all.

I worked my ass off to put myself in this position and I am thrilled that things are going as they are and my fingers are crossed that they continue because of the benefits it provides my family.

This is the first time in years I can say I feel like I am providing for my kids the way I want to and the first time I have had such optimism in far too long.

Why wouldn’t I be happy and or excited.

You Ought To Comment

Steiner the minor has developed a bad habit of not acknowledging the texts or emails he receives from people.

I told him I don’t like this habit because it is rude and obnoxious and it is a good way to lose friends.

He told me it is common behavior so I compared notes with some friends and discovered it seems to be the truth.

I shouldn’t be surprised because parents seem to have trouble RSVP’ing for parties so why should I expect different behavior from their children.

We have been building a world in which we live in electronic bubbles where we point, click, slide and text our way into and out of conversations with others.

I won’t say I am not part of this society or don’t share any responsibility for any of this.

Nor will I say this is the first time I have noticed this because it is not, but it feels different to me now.

Maybe it is because I am walking around a new city and I realize what impact technology has had on my life.

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Thanks to social media and texting I don’t talk to people with the same frequency I used to.

Why call when Facebook has shown me the latest moments in their lives and or a quick text lets me know they are thinking of me or me of them.

If I was in LA I’d think about getting together and maybe put it off because I figure it is easy for us to get together for a few.

Yeah we’re busy, but we can find time, if we chose to that is.

Now I am 1,500 miles away so the in person stuff isn’t so easy but social media and texting makes it feel like I am right there.

It is almost like nothing has changed, especially when you hit the same chain of markets and stores here as you’d find there.

Homogeneity at its finest.

Steiner the minor called me this afternoon to share big news with me.

“Dad, I got in. I am going to start taking classes next semester.”

It is too bad he couldn’t have seen me smile because the grin on my face would have made that old Cheshire cat feel like a fake and a phony.

“I am so very proud of you, all the hard work is worth it. Good things happen when you put your mind to it, this is just one of many big accomplishments in your life.”

“Thank you, I wanted to tell you in person but I didn’t know when you would be coming back.”

I told him it was ok, and he took a moment confirm he was on Bluetooth. When I said I was he asked me how many miles I had put in and I said it would be around 400 or so today.

“You should be proud of yourself, I can guarantee your family is.”

“I am proud of myself.”

And with those five words I was transported back in time, the high schooler shrank four feet and 13 years.

Giving It The Old College Try

I remember encouraging the baby who figured out how to stand to keep going. I remember how he would cruise around the house and how one day he was so engrossed in walking and learning about the world he forgot he wasn’t holding onto anything.

“Go little Jack! You can do it, walk to me.”

We held out our arms and though he didn’t make it the whole way standing it didn’t take long for him to figure it out.

Hell, once he stopped crawling and went vertical it took no time to move from a couple of steps at a time to a sprint from one place to another.

“Be proud of yourself! You worked hard for it.”

The baby toddler and boy heard that more than a few times because there was reason for him and for us to be proud.

And as he grew bigger and older he also heard us tell him that you didn’t get to be proud for nothing, you had to work for it and you had to earn it.

It wasn’t until he was having a hard time in middle school that there was a reason for me to let him in on the secret that your parents are always proud of you, some times more than others.

Somewhere during those years I think he heard me describe putting an effort into doing something as “Giving it the old college try” but I never realized just how soon that would refer to him going to college.

High School & The College Experience

I don’t know how long it took for the smile to disappear from my face. Can’t say whether it was a minute or an hour after his call.

What I do know is I replayed his words about having gotten into the program over in my head and thought about what it meant.

He is halfway through his freshman year of high school but in a very short time his freshman workload will include a couple of college classes.

When he started at the school I knew this program existed and that some of the students graduate high school with enough college credits to enter as sophomores and juniors but I don’t know that I really imagined he might be one of them.

And then I started thinking hard about what I want him to get out of high school and college. I started thinking about the experiences that he might have and the opportunities that could come from both and tried to figure out if this program helps or hinders it.

It’s A Good Thing

The bottom line is getting into the program is a good thing, at least as I understand it.

Ask me why I am concerned about an honors student being recognized for their hard work and being given additional opportunities to excel and I’ll tell you that I want there to be some kind of balance here.

What that means is I don’t want him to be so overloaded with work he doesn’t have time to be a kid and do other things.

The Cross Country team has been a great experience for him. He loves it and as long as he does I want him to continue.

Not just because I think there are valuable lessons that come with being part of a team but because running is a sport you can do your whole life.

You don’t need a ball or other people to do it.

It is a way to exercise and stay in shape. It is a way to disconnect from the electronic bubble that so many of us live in and to get outside and feel the sun on your/our backs.

I want him to have time to hang out with friends and do the kind of stuff you, I, we did in high school. It shouldn’t be all work and no fun.

But if I understand the way this program works it doesn’t have to be crazy/busy burden time. It can be something that helps foster his love of learning and challenges him.

And if for some reason it doesn’t work, well we can always dial things back.

I am so very proud and so excited for him.

The news today reminded me again how fast the clock moves and how brief a moment our children live with us.

Sometimes it feels like forever and then sometimes things happen that remind you how quickly time is compressed into then and now.

The toddler is long gone and so is the little boy. Now the teen stands before us.

There is still time before he heads off into the world on his own, long enough to be noticeable but short enough to be recognized.

I’ll take whatever time we have and give it the old college try to be present and enjoy it, but damn, that sun in the sky above moves far too quickly.