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"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Triberr

It Is Not The Thought That Counts

September 12, 2012 by Jack Steiner 18 Comments

European bull in thought
European bull in thought (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I don’t know about you but I am my own worst enemy and my biggest critic. I mention this because today I heard someone say it is the thought that counts and I rolled my eyes.

It wasn’t because I was upset with them but because I am irked with myself. I have a dozen different ideas that are banging around inside my head but I have only taken action on a few of them.

Been thinking about whether this is an acceptable place to be and I keep coming up with snake eyes.

It is not acceptable.

More action is required and less time wondering, waiting and researching. That is not to say that I am the sole reason for the lack of progress in some areas because that is not true either.

Sometimes life gets in the way. Sometimes shit happens and you stop chasing the dream of becoming the world’s greatest dad blogger as declared by Babble and three editors.

Got these little people who live with me who need attention. Little people who want to ride bikes, need help with their homework and want to talk about why people would fly planes into buildings.

Truth is they are probably my favorite excuses to set aside work and ignore the projects that I want to be playing with. Time moves ever so quickly and soon they won’t have the same interest and time so I don’t want to miss out now.

I Don’t Want To Say

I don’t want to reach a place where we realize that we haven’t spent enough time together and I tell them that I meant to do it. My children aren’t going to hear me say it is the thought that counts because that is just not acceptable.

This is the beginning of the homestretch for 2012 and I don’t want to miss out on an opportunity to make one last push. I feel the clock tick tocking the moments away like I have never felt it before and it is making me a little bit crazier than normal.

Can’t help but think that when I was a kid if I would have understood how fast time moves I wouldn’t have wasted a moment. I think that is what is driving me right now, the feeling that I am not being productive in the areas I want to be.

That is not to say that I am not getting things done because I am, but it is not enough. It is just not enough.

A Silly Confession

Some people say that when you get older you begin to mellow out but I am beginning to feel like I skipped that lesson. I could swear I am becoming more competitive than I ever was and I don’t totally understand it.

I never liked losing much but lately I really hate it. So I find myself wanting to go full bore in everything and that just doesn’t make sense. Really, in the grand scheme of life what difference does it make if I win or lose at Scrabble or pick up basketball.

It really doesn’t. There are no medals or awards to be had and though I understand that my reaction sometimes surprises me. I just hate losing, especially when I feel like I could have beaten them if I had just pushed a little bit harder.

scrabble board game full 100 tile set
scrabble board game full 100 tile set (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Maybe this drive to push myself harder comes from feeling a bit like I have gotten sucker punched in a few areas. Maybe it is because some of the reasons why I haven’t been as productive as I would like are things that were outside of my control.

That could be it, control that is. Maybe this is just me pushing to take control of the areas that I know I can run.

Ultimately I am not going to spend much time wasting time wondering why I feel this way. That is because my gut says the way to handle this is to just get shit done. Work around the roadblocks and challenges and make things happen.

As part of that process I might do something that I don’t normally do: make a list.

I am not a list maker. I am not the guy who makes list of successes but maybe I need to review it. Maybe I should look. Certainly can’t hurt.

Anyhoo, it is time to catch some shut eye. Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Filed Under: Life, Triberr

New Year’s Resolutions, Deodorant & Car Repairs

September 9, 2012 by Jack Steiner 11 Comments

“Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don’t have the strength.”― Theodore Roosevelt

A reader once sent me an email in which they offered advice that they said would make my blog better and more popular. Here is what they shared with me:

  1. Stop updating so frequently. We can’t keep up and most people don’t care.
  2. You are too negative. You bring us down and people don’t like that.

That’s not verbatim but it is very close. I didn’t respond to their email and it wasn’t because I couldn’t.

I didn’t because I couldn’t think of a reason why I needed to convince them to like my blog or why they needed to change. I suppose that some of it was because I wasn’t going to and I didn’t expect them to either.

Shofar (by Alphonse Lévy) Caption says: "...
Shofar (by Alphonse Lévy) Caption says: “To a good year” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Why I Do What I Do

I blog the way I do because it pleases me. This makes me happy. My posts are as long or as short as they need to be and they cover the topics that need to be covered. Some people love my writing, some hate it and some are indifferent.

This is ok. It is life and it is how the world works. I am powerful and capable of changing many things but this is not a battle I need to fight. I pay attention to those battles, especially around the new year.

I probably should qualify that and say I am talking about Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. It is just around the corner and I am feeling a bit unsettled.

This happens every year. I could give you a long winded story about why but it is well after midnight and it is probably not necessary.

Instead let me say that part of why I am unsettled is because I am in the midst of big changes that have taken far longer to settle than I had planned for and it is a bit disruptive.

It is also because this is the time of year for introspection and while my overall sense of who I am and what I am about it is good there are things that I am unsatisfied with, hence I am unsettled.

Deodorant

This weekend we bought deodorant for my son. Today he asked me to show him how to use it. It may sound silly but it was cool and I suspect a precursor to shaving.

We are a long way off before that comes, but it is something that I have long looked forward to. I remember my father teaching me. I am not in a rush to teach my son, but I expect it will be at an older age than I was for the very simple reason that his hair is light brown.

My beard is black and distinct. His shadow will be less noticeable than mine. He doesn’t know that is a perk, but he will.

This past weekend I watched him play soccer and saw him really begin to come into his own. He has been making big improvements for a while now, but it is clear that things click in a way they didn’t before.

The boy is really turning into the preteen I have been expecting to show up. I am both excited and nervous.

His Bar Mitzvah is next year. How the hell am I going to pay for it.

Car Repairs

I am sure I’ll figure it out but moments like today don’t help. I am referring to car repairs.

Today was pretty simple, it was just a new battery but it was the latest in a string of repairs on the cars. New hoses, radiator, battery, belts and an assortment of this and that.

I am a writer but my name isn’t Stephen King or JK Rowling. The major book deals haven’t rolled in…yet. The faucet is dripping and not quite turned on full bore so the cash that comes is in dribs and drabs.

Maybe I’ll get lucky and see the flood sooner than later.

In the interim I suppose I’ll spend some time thinking about who I am and who I want to be.

Be The Blogger You Want To Be

In regard to blogging I am focused on being the blogger I want to be and I strongly encourage you to be do the same. If you aren’t doing this for yourself and you aren’t having fun you won’t last.

Be the blogger you want to be. That is all.

 

Filed Under: Blogger, Triberr

273 Blogging Tips I Never Shared & Still Won’t

February 17, 2012 by Jack Steiner 15 Comments

Welcome to 273 Blogging Tips I Never Shared & Still Won’t. You probably didn’t know that by choosing to read this post you are participating in a very serious social media experiment. Well, now you do.

It is a simple experiment to see who reads and who doesn’t.  Because I am a gadfly, muckraker and troublemaker I intentionally used a headline that is somewhat misleading. I want to see how many comments and or emails I get from readers complaining that I didn’t provide 273 tips on how to blog more effectively.

Some of you might say that it is obnoxious and or goofy to do that and I would agree. It is. So what. Blogging should be fun and I am having fun. I having fun in spite of the people who emailed me to say that they were unsubscribing because I update too frequently or not frequently enough. I am having fun in spite of those who say that I am not funny or that I am too happy.

I write for me first and then for you. But I would be lying if I said that I didn’t love you all. Ok, maybe I don’t love all of you but I love some of you. That even includes those who were trapped in cleveland. I probably should be careful about bad mouthing the land of the burning river. It turns out that I know quite a few people from there. Found out just the other day that I know 12 people who went to cleveland heights high school.

Don’t ask me to explain why I bothered counting because I just did.

But What About Those Blogging Tips

Ok, fine if you really must have some tips on how to blog let me suggest that you visit Adrienne, For Bloggers, By Bloggers or Blog Like A Star. Don’t forget to go visit Jayme. She just redid her place and it looks great.

It is not that I can’t teach you about blogging because I can. I know a lot about this but I am not in the mood to spend much time writing about it. I am having too much fun listening to music and asking hard questions. I am not much of a dancer. I can two step, know how to slow dance but when things speed up my body doesn’t cooperate the way I want it to.

But I have an idea. If I can become a famous rock star I can dance however I want and it will seem cool. Just look at the videos below.

and

Ok, I confess that I was just dancing. Sometimes the music is contagious. And let me say for the 298th time that I wish I could play an instrument with the same degree of expertise as some of these musicians. I wish that I had the kind of voice that would make you stop in your tracks.

Don’t get me wrong I am pretty happy with what I have got. It is not like my bucket of skills and talent is completely empty, but a man has to dream a little. As I tell my children, I am not just a father. I am a person and I had years of life long before they came into the picture.

Working on My Dream

I am actively pursuing a number of my dreams. I am writing that book that I always said I would. I am working on getting myself into shape so that I can do that Ironman when I turn 50. I am not just bumping and grinding the day away. I am an active participant in my life.

I suppose that I keep touching upon these themes for a host of reasons. Some of it is because I think that writing these things down helps me stay on track. It is a way that I hold myself accountable. But it also happens because my friends and I are in a funny time and place.

We are not children any more but we aren’t old either. We are in that place where you have to give up on becoming a pro athlete. If we haven’t done it yet we aren’t going to play in the NBA, NFL or NHL. I wouldn’t say that it is impossible but the probability of such things is low.

A lot of the boys are divorced and or in the process of getting divorced. Some of them are so torn up they aren’t doing much at all with their lives. I never want to be that guy.

But What About The Blogging Tips

Some of you may wonder why I am back on the blogging tips and that is because I guarantee that some of my readers are still looking for them. So let’s talk about blogging for a moment. I have been thinking about first impressions. I have been thinking about what people see when they first arrive and have been wondering if I should switch things up.

Maybe I should send them to the About Me page. It is a bit text heavy and could use some graphics, but it is not a horrible spot for them to arrive. It has links to some good posts. I sometimes look at those posts and wonder if they are the ones that I should be using. I wonder if they are the best written and or most representative. And then I remind myself to have fun and I let them go.

And let’s not forget the email list. I haven’t done a thing about it. Haven’t collected names for a personal newsletter from me. Haven’t collected names to help convince a publisher that I have a large platform.

So many questions and so little time. Well my friends it is almost 1 am so I think that I will leave you with some additional links to old posts that according to analytics are popular. But have no fear, I will see you again in this life or the next, whatever that means.

  1. One Slightly Used Pump For Sale
  2. Why Steve Jobs Isn’t Important Now
  3. Some Things I’ll Teach My Children (Updated)
  4. The Best Cover Letter….Ever
  5. Why Your Post Sucks and Everyone Hates Your Blog
  6. Dealing With Divorce
  7. A Letter To The Universe
  8. Do Things Happen For A Reason?
  9. Your Blog Bores Me
  10. Teach Your Children To Be Responsible With Money
  11. Bloggers Are Narcissists
  12. A Whiter Shade Of Pale
  13. My Children Confront Death Again
  14. I Should Have Slept With Her…. Again
  15. What Happens To Your Facebook Account When You Die
  16. He Died A Hero

Filed Under: Blogging, Triberr, Writing

Big Brothers, Little Sisters, Laughter & Coffee

February 16, 2012 by Jack Steiner 1 Comment

listen to ‘Big Brothers, Little Sisters, Laughter & Coffee’ on Audioboo

Filed Under: Audio Blogging, Triberr

5 Reasons

February 15, 2012 by Jack Steiner 8 Comments

Music plays a huge role in my life and my writing. Here is a short selection of songs that are a part of this particular…production.

  1. I Was Wrong– Social Distortion
  2. God’s Gonna Cut You Down– Johnny Cash
  3. 16 Tons- Tennessee Ernie Ford
  4. He Stopped Loving Her Today– George Jones
  5. Remember When– Alan Jackson
  6. Danny Boy– The Irish Tenors
  7. Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door– Bob Dylan
  8. Hero Of The Day– Metallica
  9. I Love This Bar– Toby Keith
  10. Ecstasy of Gold – The Good, the Bad & the Ugly Theme (Ennio Morricone)
Yes, I know that was more than 5 songs but you need to remember that most limitations are self imposed. I do my best to remove them.
This post is choppy. It hasn’t got any flow or rhythm to it  and that is ok with me. It is representative of my day. I have been working on a major project and have managed to make it far more complicated than it needs to be. Some times that happens but the trick is not to freak out about it.
I took my own advice and didn’t freak out but I did get irritated. Remember I often tell the kids to do as I say not as I do. Maybe it is because I march to the beat of my own drummer and he has no rhythm, or maybe not.

5 Reasons

Someone told me recently that we should always give our readers what we promised them and I aim to do that, sort of. I gave you a headline called 5 reasons. It is a vague and ambiguous headline that doesn’t tell you what these reasons are about. I’d like to say that was intentional and that I am messing with you but it wouldn’t be true.

I am distracted by the work that is waiting for me but the words aren’t flowing freely and I need to uncork the bottle and remove the blockage. When I say that I never suffer from writer’s block I mean it.  I don’t.

But I do go through periods of time where I am not pleased with the quality of my writing. Sometimes that is easily fixed. I just edit, clip, cut, copy and paste. Bing, bang, boom and we have something of substance.

This post here is me exorcising some writing demons. It is me beating the tar out of the irritation I feel for my mistake. When I finish I will resume working on my project. I’ll hit that sucker…hard. All shock and awe.

I am on a tight deadline so it is important that I be able to pump out that content with little delay. But unlike here I have to be a bit more cautious about errors. Don’t feel badly dear reader that doesn’t mean that I don’t take you seriously because I most certainly do.

But you don’t pay me to write and you are more forgiving of my errors so….

Private School and Summer Camp

We’re in the midst of the annual dilemma about school and camp. Those of you “in the know” recognize that this is late in the season. Many of the camps are already booked and have been for weeks. Camp isn’t cheap nor is school.

Rest easy because it won’t be long before I write another post ranting about the poor state of our schools and why we collectively prove ourselves to be idiots who under value and under pay teachers. A better educated society is good for all of us. So is a society where everyone has access to good healthcare.

It is almost time for me to write another post about the sins of the father being passed along to the son. My son is having a bit of a rough time in school now. It breaks my heart because some of his concerns aren’t rooted in things that he should be worried about.

But you can’t screw an old head on young shoulders. I do my best to support him and help him understand that some of this isn’t worth his time but he hasn’t accepted it yet. He is like me. He lives a thousand lives inside his head. That fire in the belly is good for some things but it can be challenging for other things. This is one of those times where I tell him to be more like his mother.

Last night he held his hand up against mine and asked me how long it would be before his hand was my size. It is sort of a strange thought. I have big hands. The day he was born I noticed that his hands and his feet were smaller versions of mine, but back then it was much harder to see a day when they would become my equal.

Can’t say whether he’ll be taller than I am but I would be shocked if he isn’t at least as tall.

Pieces of  The Tale

A smart reporter does their best to never go into an interview blind. It doesn’t matter if  they have agreed to speak with you for five minutes, an hour or all day. Their comfort level with you or lack thereof has a significant impact on what you come away with.

Your job is to dig beneath the surface and find the gold nuggets that they haven’t talked about or shared with anyone else. You do that by building a rapport with them and part of the way to make that happen is by taking the time in advance to learn more about them. Even the biggest cynic will appreciate your having taken the time to learn about them.

One of the big advantages of living during the Internet age is that it has become much easier to do this sort of research, especially when you are dealing with a personality like….

There is a lot more of the story above. You can find it over here.

 Got to Run Now

It is time to get back to work but before I go let me leave you with a clip from one of my favorite movies

Filed Under: Triberr, Writing

They Aren’t Really Dead

February 14, 2012 by Jack Steiner 11 Comments

The clock says it is 11 PM and Party Rock is playing on the stereo. The shuffle is on so I end up listening to a melange of music that includes opera, rock, rap and country.

My Droid sits quietly next to me. The sound is off but the flashing light attracts my attention. I haven’t picked it up yet because I don’t want to get lost in the mighty mess we call email. That is because I have six or seven addresses that forward messages to the phone and since I haven’t checked it in hours I know it is going to be a mess.

The phone lies on top of a parking ticket I received a few weeks ago. It irks me to see it. $60 bucks that I have to give to the city because I was three minutes too slow in getting back to the car and meter.

I told Shonali to keep an eye peeled for my annual post about why I hate Valentine’s Day but I haven’t managed to write it yet. Don’t ask me why it hasn’t happened yet because I am not really sure why. I am sort of curious because it makes me wonder if there is something lying just below the surface that I need to explore and think about.

The music has changed and now I am listening to Coldplay sing Paradise. It is another song that my children love. We listen to it together…often. Music is a constant in our lives. I tell them that music and books are two of the great pleasures of living.

They nod their heads and I tell them that daddy wishes he could be a musician. The dark haired beauty wants to know if that means I would be a rock star and I say “maybe.”

It is not something that I have always wanted, thought about or experienced in my dreams. This wish or desire materialized a few years back. I think it is because of the stories I see in my head. It is tied into a desire to create. Creation is something that I think of often. If I could I would be a great painter and photographer.

All of it ties into stories. I haven’t always called myself a writer or a storyteller but I think that at my core this is what and who I am.

Everywhere I go and everyone I meet is part of a story. Sometimes I watch, listen, look and learn while they tell me their stories. I alternate between being the life of the party and the wallflower. It is easy for me to step into either role. They are both comfortable but I prefer to live my life in between them.

Tomorrow is my nephew’s birthday. He’ll be twelve. That is a magical age for a boy. You are still young enough to get lost in some of the dreams of younger youth but old enough to do things far beyond your years.

I’ll call him tomorrow and wish him a very happy birthday and then I’ll remind him that he is always under Uncle Jack’s protection. It is tied into an old joke that his younger sister sometimes asks about.

But he knows that I am serious. It applies to all of my family but doubly so to my kids, nieces and nephews.

I once told a girl who loved me the same thing. I once promised her much and more. That is part of what love does to you. It changes you. When you find the right person it moves and motivates you in ways that are often described as magical and mysterious.

Magical and mysterious is a reasonable description for it but at the same time it doesn’t work for me because somethings are “obvious” and they just “are.” Again when you find the right person you understand magical, mysterious, obvious and are in ways that others can’t.

It feels strange to not have any grandparents any more. For 42 years they were a constant in my life and a fixture that I miss terribly. I always knew that the day would come when they would be gone but it doesn’t seem real and sometimes I find myself looking and or listening for them.

Last Saturday morning we had our official daddy/daughter day and I took the dark haired beauty down to Farmer’s Market. We drove across Laurel Canyon surrounded by the Hollywood Hills and past the ruins of Harry Houdini’s house. At the end of the canyon we passed by the apartment that one set of my grandparents lived in for thirty some years or so.

They may have spent the last ten years or so of their life living elsewhere, but that building will forever be their home to me. Drove past and listened for the echoes of my grandfather standing on the balcony calling down to us. I could hear his voice and smell his cigar but I couldn’t quite see him.

Fairfax isn’t the same as it used to be but it is still filled with more than a few memories. The high school may be known for alumni like Demi Moore and The Red Hot Chili Peppers but to me it is where my father, uncle and other relatives went.

I haven’t been back to Farmer’s Market since The Grove muscled its way in. It holds a million other memories. The parking lot where my father learned to drive called out to me as did other ghosts of my past. Farmers is where my paternal grandfather and his cronies used to hang out.

Twenty years ago I would have found them playing cards and telling the same old stories about World War II and Korea. Sometimes you’d see a couple of the old birds do more than bark at each other. They’d slowly stand up and start promising to kick the crap out of the other.

Once when grandpa was in his mid eighties another fellow started up with him and I saw lightning flash in grandpa’s eyes. I watched as he stood up and for a moment I saw the years fall back and the man who stood there was someone much younger that I had never seen but only heard about.

Grandpa took his cane and quietly placed it on the table and stood unaided. I wasn’t sure what my role was to be but I wasn’t going to embarrass my grandfather by standing up or trying to shush him. I knew that he knew I was there so I sat and watched.

The other man muttered something and shuffled away. I don’t really know what set the two of them off. Could have been something that happened 60 years earlier or five minutes. It was just a moment in time and part of a story you are reading now.

Tom Sawyer is playing now. It is the song by Rush and doesn’t have anything to do with the book but it makes me think of other things. Huck and Tom are running around together and it won’t be long before Huck takes his raft down the mighty Mississippi.

That is probably a good sign that it is time for me to end this post. There are more tales to be told and stories to be learned. And somewhere close by there are sleeping children to be checked on.

Life is ever so sweet with bits and pieces of the bittersweet and spicy root that make it so memorable.

This is part of the Just Write Project. This is week #22 and as always I am both glad and grateful to participate in it.

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Filed Under: Children, Life, Triberr

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