The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for March 2012

The Mother Of All Blog Posts Told By A Father Part 2

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WritingWelcome to the mother of all blog posts told by a father part two. If you missed the first one you are welcome to go back and read it. I am working hard to do the things that I need to do to live my dreams.

Lately writing has been more of a struggle, not to produce content because that is never a problem. The problem has been that I have been coming up short of the mark I set for me.

That is because I am shooting for work that makes me cry and  that is something that rarely happens.  I have a destination, an objective and a target in mind. I am resolute in doing my best to get there but I know instinctively that to do it I need to smash some walls.

Not the kind of walls that come from losing weight using the greatest exercise ever but the kind that live inside my head. I feel a bit like I am walking through a crowded rave. It is packed full of people and nothing makes a lot of sense.

Yet everything makes sense because I know that what I seek is being hidden from me. The information is there. I feel it calling my name and there is this magnetic pull to it.

If you saw me play basketball you’d see that I have a habit of sending myself hurtling after the ball. It doesn’t matter what is in my way I am usually going to try to jump over, step around or if need be run through to get to it.

Some of these thoughts and feelings are no different from those I expressed in the first post but there is one small distinction. Now I am confident and convinced that the path I am on is correct. It may be unmarked but I just have faith.

Faith that if I keep pressing I will find what I am looking for.

What Am I Looking For?

Some of it is simple. I want to clean up my blog so that it looks nicer, loads faster and leaves a better impression on my readers and guests. I want to continue to build my community. I want more readers. I want more followers on Twitter. I want more fans on my Facebook page.

Why? Because I believe that growing my platform can only help me. But I am trying to do it on my terms. I don’t blog like many others do. I check my stats but I don’t focus on continuing to provide content that is derived from keywords.

I don’t spend much time thinking about SEO. Sometimes I wonder if that is a mistake and if it is slowing my progress down. It might be, but at the same time I am trying to hit a specific mark with my writing.

I wrote this for Words Left Unwritten. Some time tomorrow I expect to work it into the main body of the story. I am not sure that I like it, but I feel like it is close. If you don’t want to read that particular post just skip past the text in the block quotes and you’ll see the rest of this one.

I had a dream and you were in it. You were the woman that walked into my life unsought and unexpected. You were the girl that turned my life upside down and inside out.

You found your way into the places that no one else had been and made yourself at home. You were given the rig and the privilege to see what no one else knew. I who had always been unwilling to bare my soul did so gladly and without reservation.

It was among the most shocking moments of my life and something that no one who knew me would have ever expected. The others had seen nothing but glimpses of what lay behind those doors but the moment I felt their eyes upon me I retreated.

I didn’t want it and figured that I didn’t need it.

Easier and better to be the lone wolf.  There was strength and nobility in my solitude and I liked it that way. Better to be an inscrutable mystery than to open that door and be wounded.

Perhaps it was a sign of immaturity. Perhaps it wasn’t. Ultimately it doesn’t really matter because when you left I shut the door again and threw away the key. When I felt weak or uncertain I composed a list of grievances and set it on fire. It didn’t need to be a raging bonfire because a slow burn was just as effective.

It kept the others out or at least at arm’s length and it allowed me to stay angry with you.

But time has a funny way of playing with people and with the fires we set. Some flames are extinguished and others keep burning.

So it was with the torch I carried for you. The fire never left and the memories never died. Though I did try to rid my mind of them. I worked on trying to convince myself that memory was incongruent with reality and that history was being seen through misty colored memories.

I suppose if we could sing we would have done our own rendition of Streisand and Diamond singing You Don’t Bring Me Flowers Anymore. And maybe for a time that would have been all she wrote. Maybe for a time that would have been all that we could have.

But I have a dream that we are going to find a time and a way to give it another shot. I have a dream that the tears that have been shed and the pain of our separation will end. I have a dream that we are going to get a chance to do it right, except the funny thing is that in many ways I don’t think we did it wrong.

Can’t say what I believe in whether it is meant to be or not. Can tell you that I am sorry that we never got the chance to have those six kids we talked about. Can tell you that there have been moments where I have seen us together in my dreams. And every time I have seen a big house and heard a ton of noise from all of the children running around.

One could be bitter about that or get lost somewhere in the echoes of time but I hear the echoes of the future calling and I think we should answer. The dream I have now gives us decades of life to live and love and to laugh.

I am still here singing our song. I never stopped singing it. If I were a painter I would paint it for you.

There is this big empty hand that is reaching out across time and space. There are are arms that would wrap you in them and a heart calling out for you.

And nestled among the hope there is fear too. There is concern that maybe yesterday is all there is and that we missed out on the time of our life. There is fear that giving the fire free reign might leave my insides with fresh burns long before the scars of the past have had a chance to heal.

Yet that hand remains because the only way to learn whether a fool frolics freely is to dance in the fire and I have been dancing for you for a thousand years now.

In that dream I see you living your life but looking out the window. You are waiting for me to call or come for you. You give me the barest hint of your interest and wait for me to do what you fail to say out loud.

I know the drill. I know the girl who won’t ever say I love you first out loud is there. Air sucker, I know things and I see things. Just remember that though I dance in the fire I still don’t wear a sweater when others are cold.

For now I burn and I ache alone and apart. But the future is unwritten and who is to say what can happen. Submit to possibility and potential and watch what happens.

I see opportunity for more. I see opportunity to improve myself in every area. I see opportunity and I don’t want to watch it float away or see it slip through my fingertips.

Some bloggers only post their finest work because they are afraid that they might lost prospective and existing readers. I don’t worry about that because I can’t. There is no time for it. Some of you will love me. Some of you will hate me and some won’t know what to make of me.

That is natural and it is cool. I build my community around me and I hope that you are a part of it but I understand if you aren’t.

I show you this side, the ratty, seeker who wonders and worries because it is natural. It is me. I am also exceptionally confident and believe wholeheartedly that I am going to get to where I am going. That is part of the joy of life- contradiction.

What I know for certain is that I am in transition. Good old Jack is evolving but I can’t tell you how long this phase will take. All I can say is that I am trying to enjoy the journey and that I smile far more than I frown.

When I struggle with my writing I am going to push through it and hit publish because one of my dreams is to be published. You don’t write a book by only writing when you feel like it. You do it by putting pen to paper and or finger to keyboard. Sit down, shut up and write. Just write. Do that and maybe the universe will give you a straight answer.

As always you are welcome to share my adventure and walk with me on the path into somewhere unknown and unseen. It is 1 AM and I need to sleep.

Jack who never takes himself too seriously has left the building.

Five Things

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Five songs:

Five Books:

  • D-Day June 6, 1944- Stephen Ambrose
  • Huckleberry Finn- Mark Twain
  • The Art of War- Sun Tzu
  • The Fellowship of The Ring- J.R.R. Tolkien
  • The Gate House- Nelson Demille

Five Posts:

Five Quotes:

“Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.”
Thomas A. Edison

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”
Oscar Wilde

“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.”
Oscar Wilde

“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine” Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah”

Hallelujah- Leonard Cohen

Children Shouldn’t Be On Facebook- Dad Said No

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Albert Einstein Français : portrait d'Albert E...

“If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough” Albert Einstein

I want to thank my fellow member of the tribe, Albert Einstein for furnishing me with a quote that I used to devastate school teachers and assorted adults. The younger and far more obnoxious version of myself used to wield that quote like a cudgel.

Someone would suggest that we study/learn/do something and I would ask why. There was glee in my eyes and a lilt to my voice because I just knew that the fly was about to get caught in my web. If they couldn’t tell me in simple terms why something was I would tell them that Einstein disapproved.

There isn’t any need to share the outcome of those conversations other than to say that some people promised me that one day  I would have children who were just like me and they were right.

On more than one occasion I have responded to their inquiries with “because I said so” or something similar. And one more than one occasion I have thought that Einstein would kick my ass and then I remember that I am not afraid of dead pacifists.

Can I Sign Up For Facebook?

She is 7.75 years-old now going on 30 and she wants a Facebook account. She doesn’t understand why there are rules that say that kids under 13 can’t have a Facebook account. That is because so many of her friends have their own account.

When I ask the dark haired beauty why she wants one she smiles sweetly, takes my hand in hers and says that she wants to send me love letters. I smile and tell her that I like hand written notes better. She smiles again and says that if I give in I can take her to her high school prom.

I smile back and tell her that she will be really unhappy if I am her prom date. She hugs me tight and says, “daddy, I love you! I won’t ever be upset if you are my date.” I look down at her and tell her that I am going to blog about that promise later so that is recorded for posterity.

When she asks what posterity is I laugh and tell her that is the thing that one day will make her say that “dad was right.” She doesn’t understand and in this case I feel no need to try to explain why I said it. That is good for everyone including the ghost of Einstein who can go haunt the Shmata Queen for a while. They can have fun doing higher math together.

Parents- Be Their Father/Mother

Sometimes these conversations with my kids make me crazy because some of my fellow parents are idiots. Some of you haven’t figured out that children need structure and boundaries. You try to be the cool dad/mom by never saying no and instead you raise a monster who comes to my house and is shocked when I set limits.

It is ok with me because when it comes to my children I don’t think twice about setting boundaries. My children know that their father loves to spend time with them. They know that in many ways I am just a big kid but they also know that I have lines that cannot be crossed.

One look is usually all it takes for them to see that they are dancing around that place they don’t want to be. I don’t have to spank them or hit them to make them toe the line. That is because I set boundaries from the start. BTW, I am not saying that spanking is good or bad. Both of my kids have been spanked, probably a total of twice in their lives.

That last line ought to be good for a few letters from readers who will lecture me about my “brutality.” For good measure let me say that I am pro circumcision. My son was clipped and so was I. And if you really wanted to know why I could explain it in simple detail.

But let’s step back from that and talk about whether my circumcision hurt me. I don’t remember a thing but I can tell you that everything has been functional down below for years. I’d offer letters of recommendation from past ‘guests’ but that would be considered bad form and frankly this post isn’t about that.

What This Post Is About

No this post is about acknowledging that sometimes good intentions go awry. We say that when our children ask questions we will give them a simple and easy to understand answer but sometimes we fall short. We say that we’ll do it with friends and colleagues but sometimes we fall short.

It is not always a bad thing. Sometimes you have nothing but your judgment and common sense to rely upon. My daughter doesn’t need to be on Facebook and not because certain friends of mine recently posted 25 year old pictures of us at a fraternity party where we may not have been sober. Oh hell, I remember that night and the next morning which is a feat that ought to be recorded in the Guiness Book of World Records.

I said no because there is no compelling reason to give my children another task to complete on the computer. They will spend more than enough time on it for school. Life will push them there and they will spend ungodly amounts of time on social media platforms except they won’t start as a grown up who recognizes that what we write and say can live forever.

They’ll get on there and make mistakes that could follow them around from school to school. And though I’ll do my best to monitor and guide them I can’t always be around. So it won’t hurt to keep them away for a bit longer and it won’t hurt to get them to run around and exercise like we did when we were kids.

My children don’t need to be on Facebook right now and I am good with that.

How about you?

The Angry and Insouciant Blogger Screams Again

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I see you.
I see you.

This post may not be safe for work or then it again it may be. I won’t know until I am done writing it. That is because I haven’t mapped it out or given myself an outline to use. This is just me writing off the cuff about whatever comes to mind.

Sometimes I wonder how people see me. I mean how they really see me. It is no secret that the past handful of years have had their moments and I know that during some of the more trying moments I have been less tolerant than my normal, lovable grumpy self.  Last night two guys called me a dick, an asshole and one of the nastier pricks they have ever encountered.

Mind you that the last one came after a very hard foul in which I knocked him to the floor for the third or fourth time of the evening. I take that last comment with a grain of salt because the man doesn’t understand physics. I weigh more than 200 pounds and he weighs around a buck fifty. If the two of us are racing towards a loose ball there is going to be one winner of that collision.

And not that it matters, but I don’t think that it is fair to ask me to go easier just because I am bigger. We are all grown ups out there and I get knocked by the men who are bigger than I am.

I won’t lie and say that I spend a lot of time wondering whether people like me or not because it is not true. I am not writing this to try and portray myself as anything other than I am. I am not asking for people to tell me that I am great or evil or anything in between.

But I am curious about it nonetheless. Curiosity is one of the attributes of a good writer. You need to wonder about the world and notice things that others don’t. You need to  walk over to the corner of the attic and see what is hiding in the dark.

Sometimes you discover that grandma was one of Picasso’s lovers and that in addition to getting screwed by a master she also was the recipient of a painting he made of her. Once you get beyond the discomfort of seeing a naked picture of your grandmother with three breasts and a nose that is out of place you’ll begin to see that you have one hell of a story to tell.

Pablo Picasso 1962
Pablo Picasso 1962 (Photo credit: Wikipedia) Pablo looks so innocent here. 😉

Alternatively you might hit that dark corner and discover that Uncle Ernest is a retired serial killer and that trunk is filled with things you’d rather not think about, let alone look at.

The good news is that you get another great story. The bad is that you just realized that the formerly lovable Uncle Ernie is standing behind you dressed in women’s clothing and screaming “mother, they know!”

I Need More Time

Been looking at the list of things that I have to do and have come to the conclusion yet again that I need more time and not because I am not productive. Every time I look at that list I see lots of things crossed off but they are always replaced by new things.

I feel like the damn sorcerer’s apprentice watching those brooms carry more buckets of water my way. Fuck you broom! Fuck you Blog! Fuck you computer! Fuck you household chores and Fuck you moon!

Whew, I sort of feel better now. Ok, not really. I am still recovering from that image of Uncle Ernie dressed in a wig. Hell I would find a picture to share with you but you would need to bleach your eyes afterwards.

Anyhoo, when I look at the past handful of years and ask myself the question about what people see it is tied into a few things. The primary one is that I don’t feel like I am making progress in some areas as quickly as I would like to.

Were my children to approach me about this I would advise them to look at what they are doing and see if they can find a better way of doing things. So I have to follow the same advice as I give and ask myself if I am creating/causing/part of the problem. It is not totally clear to me. In fact it is a bit like staring at Guernica.

Pablo Picasso, 1937, Guernica, protest against...
Pablo Picasso, 1937, Guernica, protest against Fascism (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There is a lot going on but at the same time if you take a deep breath and look hard you can pick out certain elements and point to them as areas that can be focused upon. I take that as a sign/inspiration/indication that I need to work hard to change how I approach and do some things.

It can’t hurt and if I want to I can always decide to change back to however I was doing things before. Got to tell you, there is a certain amount of excitement and positive energy flowing that direction.

What do you think?

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I Broke My Blog Plus One Writing Tip

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an unwitting victim...bwahahhahahaa

It is almost 1 am and I just spent more than one hour breaking and fixing my blog. I am tempted to kick my own ass for the sin of deciding to wander into deeper waters after 11:30 at night.

WTF was I thinking?

I am glad that you asked because I want to answer. I don’t like the way this place looks and I got a bug up my behind that said I might be able to tweak a free theme into looking the way that I want.

You see a while back I moved from Thesis to Headway. When I made the move it was with the understanding that Headway was about to roll out a major redesign and that I would be able to take advantage of the additional functionality at a lower price. Made good sense to me to join up and I have no regrets.

Headway Themes also announced that as part of the roll out they would provide some child themes at no additional cost. They aren’t ready yet and I got impatient so I tried to make some temporary changes and in the process I broke the blog.

For a short time it was completely inaccessible and then I went storming into the logs to find the bug that was creating the issue. Well I found it and I squashed it. I definitely broke this SOB but I fixed it too.

I am pretty damn proud of myself for figuring that out. It is more proof that tinkering and the ability to read make for a good combination. They are also dangerous because it gives me confidence to take on a bit more than I should, but that is ok.

If you want to learn than you need to do, just ask Kaarina. OTOH, Jayme might suggest hiring a professional and that is not a bad idea. Her redesign is beautiful.

One Writing Tip- Make the Reader Relate To You

Sometimes people ask me if I can give them insight into how I am able to blog every day. I think if you asked my friend Jens he would say you just do it. When I talk to other parent bloggers they usually tell me that if they focus on their children they can always find something to write about.

There is a lot of truth in that. I have been outraged and angry about the shooting in France. My children attend a Jewish Day School. Sometimes people ask me if I think I am making them into targets by sending them there.

I say no and I mean it. I think that there is danger everywhere…if you look for it that is. There is a greater chance of them being involved in a serious car accident than a terrorist incident. Does that mean that I ignore it? Hell No.

Sometimes I think about it. Sometimes I remember when my son was very little and he told me that if bad people came to our house I needed to “kill them dead.” Last year my daughter asked me if I would kill someone who was trying to hurt them and I said yes without hesitation. It is not a question. I am their father and that makes me the shield, the knight and the superhero.

But I made a point to talk to her in great detail about her question. I wanted to understand what prompted it. Turned out that she had heard some story on the news so I wanted her to know that if someone broke into the house I would protect her. She asked me how and I told her not to worry about it. Just trust that I will.

It was enough for her and she went to sleep. Haven’t heard a peep about it in almost a year now.

Did You Catch The First Writing Tip?

That first writing tip was simple- make the reader relate to you. I don’t mean to sound like an arrogant jerk but I am betting that many of you have been nodding your heads while reading this post. That is because so many of you are bloggers and parents.

You recognize the challenge of trying to make a blog look nice and probably relate to some of the technical challenges I listed.

If you are a parent you understand the horror of something happening to our children. There isn’t anything worse. But I am willing to be that if even if you aren’t a parent you could relate to that story. I am willing to bet that you understand the need and desire to protect those we love most.

But Wait There is More!

Just when you thought that you had received an enormous amount of value from this post I come back and give you one more tip. It is not as cool as The Ginsu knife but it is pretty neat.

One of the best ways to make readers connect with you is to pretend that you are writing a letter to one person. I have done a lot of that with the stories in this post. I have pictured a few people and written the story as if it was a letter to them.

It helps me set the tone and to create a mental image in my head.

And now I must go to sleep. I am up much later than I meant to be all because I broke my blog. And since I broke it I figured I had to blog about it for the Just Write project. Go visit Heather and tell her that I said thanks for organizing this each week.