The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for April 2012

Bloggers Are People Who Don’t Like To Work

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It is another sunny afternoon in Los Angeles and I am out with the boys again. We’re all playing hooky from work…sort of. Truth is that at the moment we either work remotely and or own our own businesses so it is not hooky in the sense that we are punching time cards.

There is no plant or quarry for us to return to. No cubicle filled office with micro-managing supervisors sending us emails because we showed up five minutes late…again. Ok, I am the only one who ever had that happen. It is a number of years ago but we still laugh about it.

These emails would show up in my inbox and chastise me for being five minutes late to work. They never included the times that I would work through lunch or stayed late to finish projects. Nope, they would just be these little notes in which they would calculate the minutes and tell me how much I cost the company. Of course they were so busy suing former partners it made sense that they would pick on tiny details that had no relevance to actual production or revenue generated.

It is funny how fast time passes because what was once yesterday is now years ago and in many ways feels like it happened during a different life. And in many ways it was.

Once Upon a Time

We’re sitting around a table talking about nothing important and laughing about college memories. We’re closer to 50 than we are to twenty and I make a crack about how we used to sing “hope I die before I get old.” Don’t know how it started or when, but there were more than a few moments back then when we would start singing Baba O’Riley or some other song by The Who.

Of course there were others and since none of us were singers we always took advantage of the support of the other guys singing with us. Don’t know why it is, but you can take a group of 10 men and ask them to sing and if they do it together they can make it sound ok.

Someone brings up OccupyLA and we are all in agreement that we think it is a waste of time. Doesn’t matter if we agree with any of the things they say they are fighting for none of us can see how that situation would have led to the kind of change they hoped for.

It reminds us of the LA Riots and how many of the looters waved to the camera as they stole things from burning stores. Can’t tell you how many of those people found themselves in serious trouble not just because of the legal issues but because they threw away old furniture and then when the stolen goods were recovered ended up with nothing.

Soldiers of the (Mechanize) Artillery, 40. Inf...
Soldiers of the (Mechanize) Artillery, 40. Infantry Division (California Army National Guard) patrol the streets of Los Angeles, USA. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It was a crazy time and we all agree that we have been very lucky. We have had our share of hard times and trouble, but overall life has been good to us. Still, we all work hard and there is not a one of us who takes what we have for granted because we have seen how fast things turn around…in both directions.

One of the guys asks me if I am still blogging and I nod my head. They don’t ask too many questions about the blog and that is ok with me. I think they are more interested in finding out if I am still doing it.

And then I hear a male voice behind me say something about bloggers being people who don’t like to work, are narcissistic and a host of other disparaging remarks. I don’t react or respond to him because I don’t care. He is not the first person to say it nor will he be the last.

But I see no point in engaging with him. What am I going to do ask him how he can afford to be out in the middle of the day doing nothing. It is a stupid remark to make in this town especially because we live in a city where the coffee shops and restaurants are filled at odd hours every day. Some of it is because of the entertainment industry and some of it is just because.

Sunset at Huntington Beach, California.
Sunset at Huntington Beach, California. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I look at the fellas and I ask them where they think we’ll be in five years. Various answers are thrown out but I am not willing to make definitive predictions. Life is very different from what I had thought it would be five years ago and I am confident that five years from now it will probably be different than I expect.

They push for a real answer and all I am willing to say is that my plan is to be doing the things that bring me joy and make me feel fulfilled. That is part of why I blog, because writing brings me joy and words make me smile.

Got to run play dad again, but before I do here are a few pieces of music to share with you.

Jogi– Panjabi MC

The Power Of Bhangra-Snap! vs Motivo

Kashmir– Led Zeppelin

Generations- They Are All Gone Now

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It is Thursday night and I am finally back on the computer. We’re less than 24 hours away from the family dinner where we get to tell pharaoh to stick it. We built those pyramids and we are sending a bill for over due wages.

That is a less than clever way to say that Pesach (Passover) starts tomorrow night. It will the very first seder without grandparents. Scratch that, my children will have their grandparents but I won’t have any of mine. They are finally all gone now, every last one of them have moved on to the next step.

And with that all of the generations officially move up a notch.

Dead and lonely

I like that lonely tree. It fits my mood. It reminds me a bit of one of the cemeteries I sometimes go to visit my grandparents. It is quiet but there is something warm and inviting about it.

I don’t go very often but when I do I usually talk to them. I tell them about my kids and fill them in on what I am doing. I talk about my plans for the future and ask them for their input. Sometimes I hear things but I can’t tell you if that is them responding or just my active imagination.

My grandparents weren’t religious people but they knew who they were. Some of this is because my great grandparents felt that it was important to be Americans so when they came over they let go of some of the “old traditions” but not completely.

Holidays never disappeared nor did all of the family change. The rabbinic line in my house  still exists and it is not a secret that I have thought about going down that path a time or two.

Marc Chagall

I remember a dream I had once upon a time in which I felt like I was part of a Chagall painting. It wasn’t quite like the photo below, but it was somewhat similar.

The Circus
The Circus (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

But then again it was sort of similar to this video in a way too:

My biggest cheerleaders are all gone now. That is not to say that my parents aren’t supportive because they certainly are. My father would have run the race with me just as I would for my own children, but grandparents are different. Not better, just different and it is so very strange to me to think that tomorrow night I won’t see any of them.

It doesn’t mean that I won’t feel their presence because clearly I do. I still hear their voices and I remember so much but there is a piece of me that wishes it didn’t have to be this way. When I watch that video I think of how important it is to let our children finish the race. We may have to point them in the right direction or give them some support, but they need to finish on their own.

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t wish that they were here to hear my stories about my own kids. They don’t get to see the dark haired beauty sing or listen to her talk about the day she was born. “I came out of mommy covered in blood and mommy’s guts!”

No one told her that, she came up with it on her own. That girl of mine is a clown at times. She puts her forehead against mine and says she is reading my mind and that I have “juicy thoughts.” She torments her brother with glee and then when he leaves the room tells me that she loves him.

And her brother is such a character in his own way. He is getting so damn big. We talk about everything. He tells me that he thinks that it is possible that maybe one day girls won’t be so “stupid” and that maybe he might consider dating.

I laugh and then he asks me to sit on the couch and watch a movie with him. The big kid slides back against me and tucks himself inside my arm the same way he has done his entire life. I smile and wonder how much longer he’ll be willing to do it.

Writing

My grandparents used to read all of my articles but they never read my blog. I never shared it with them. Sometimes I am sorry that I didn’t because they would have loved reading it. My grandfathers would have laughed pretty hard at some of these stories and my grandmothers would have asked me to tell them who I am talking about. They wouldn’t have believed that there are several women here and not just one but if I said no they would have been ok with that.

But they are gone now and I can’t fix or change any of that. All I can do is what I have done. They live on in my words here and it does more than help me carry them in my heart. One day the kids will be able to read this and learn a bit more about them.

It is time to go now. Sleep beckons and I must attend to it. But before I go I promised to provide some links:

More posts on Writing and grandparents. Mind you those aren’t individual links, but they will have to do for now. Coming up soon a new post on how to write the “about me” page of our blogs and 18,873 tips I never shared with you.

I Don’t Feel Like Writing

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ugly

I don’t feel like writing now but I need to. That is because the best time to write is when you don’t want to. It is a chance to work on discipline and to teach yourself how to make the words flow from the pen to paper under any situation.

What I probably should do is start by responding to the comments that people left on the previous post but I am not in the mood to do that either. I am restless, cranky and irritable- but this time I can attribute it to a lack of sleep.

Little sister is improving but they haven’t figured out what happened yet. It is part of the joy of medical science. It is imperfect and at times based upon guessing and intuition. Not so different from picking a horse in a horse race or buying stocks.

Except the mistakes made in medicine tend to have more serious consequences than the other two examples. At least they should be less dire, except when you borrow money from Guido the killer pimp and then fail to pay him back. That is considered bad form.

Of course you could send him my way because I am in no mood for any of Guido’s shenanigans. Might have to do a little dance with old Guido, won’t be pretty and not because I don’t have any rhythm.

 

Join TheJackB Fan Page

If you haven’t joined my Facebook fan page I would like to invite you to do so. I am approximately 4,300 fans short of 5,000. In case you are wondering I want to do better than 5,000. Not that there is anything wrong with 5,000 but it is a far cry short of Jill.

Mind you I am not competing with Jill, she just provides a mark to try to hit and then exceed. Why? Because it provides more opportunities and opportunity is the name of my game. Or maybe it is better to say that I am trying to create as many opportunities as possible so that I can pick and choose among the best of them.

My children and I talk about the importance of providing options and opportunities quite frequently. I think that grades are virtually useless and I look upon them with a scornful eye. Yet I know from experience that grades have some influence on what we do in life so I encourage these munchkins to do the best they can.

Don’t settle for good enough. Push a bit harder. Reach for the next rung. Yet at the same time I don’t want to kill their love of learning. I want them to learn because learning is important not because a grade is contingent upon their cramming their skulls full of crap.

Music

Here is what has been playing on iTunes:

There is a line in that last song that goes something, “Can you please forgive me, I hope you are happy.” That always sounds disingenuous to me. It reminds me of when someone talks about something they don’t like and finishes it with, “no offense.”

That is often the kiss of death, no offense my ass. You don’t like XYZ and tried to cover it with “no offense.” Just say that you hate cleveland, the celtics or whatever and be done with it.

 More Later

Got to run take care of a few things but I promise to respond to comments ASAP. Be good.

What Kind of Connections Are We Building?

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Want to know what makes me really crazy in blogging? When I come up with a great idea and then fail to execute it with the precision I want. The sentence and links just below this ‘graph are a good example of that.

The best opening to a post is funny/serious/whimsical/clever and or mysterious. Hell I know from experience that every one of those things is true. All I have to do is flip through the old posts here and I see examples of these things.

  1. This Was Our Song
  2. Thank You Paul Simon
  3. The Universe Taps You On The Shoulder…Again
  4. Truth Or Dare
  5. Be A Better Parent Through Blogging
  6. Fragments of Fiction
  7. 273 Blogging Tips I Never Shared & Still Won’t
  8. I Can Teach You How To Write More Interesting Posts

But what I love about blogging is that I can take my mistake and write about it. I can show you something that I think stinks and ask you to read and relate to it. I can take these words you read and talk with you, not at you about the kind of connections we are building.

Because those connections are a big part of what I am doing and what I want to do with my blogging career. When I first started blogging I wasn’t very good about trying to build connections.

I didn’t really understand that social media was about people. I was too busy writing and wearing my mask as an anonymous blogger who just wrote about life, religion, politics and whatever else seemed to fit.

But something changed in me and for me. It sounds silly, but I saw the light. I woke up and realized that I had a dream that blogging could help me convert from fantasy into reality.

So I started to think about how to build and cultivate relationships with other people online. I started to think about the kind of connections I wanted and what I was trying to build.

No one wants to feel like they are being used. People remember how you make them feel and if you make them feel valued and worthwhile they are happy to help. Make them feel badly and you reap what you sow.

My Path Might Not Work For You

The method I use isn’t something that you can find in a guide to blogging or how to become a social media superstar. You can’t read my ebook and get all of my secrets because that is not necessarily going to work for you. The reason I say that is because what I have tried to do is give you me.

What I have tried to do is just be myself and show you that I am like a lot of you. I am a father. I am a friend. I am someone who laughs, cries, screams and does everything and anything that other people do.

I don’t expect you all to like me nor do I need you all to. You can’t be all things to all people- it just doesn’t work. Certainly it doesn’t work for me. I am very aware of who I am and I know that I generate strong responses in people.

I wouldn’t expect you to like or love everything I write. Some of it isn’t great and some of it is. That is ok too. We do the best we can with what we have and go from there.

It all brings me back to the question of what kind of connections are we building? Are we creating a place where we feel safe to share personal things and stuff that others might not know. Well, I think we are. I write like we are.

I sit here at well past midnight worried about my little sister.  She is in the hospital now and they are not sure exactly what is going on with her. Because there are boundaries in blogging and we don’t all have the kind of relationship that lets me be forthcoming I won’t say much more than that.

I’ll tell you that it is not drug related nor is it related to any sort of emotional breakdown. Nah, this is something different and the docs haven’t quite figured it out yet. I’ll tell you that little sister is tough, much tougher than I am. I look at her sometimes and am amazed by her strength, but this sucks. She doesn’t deserve to have any more challenges.

Maybe that is not the sort of connection we are building. Maybe we are creating some sort of business relationship. Maybe we are forging the foundation for a partnership in which I help you secure business you couldn’t otherwise get. Maybe I am your new  writer or social media expert. Or maybe we are just people who help each other network.

But what I really hope we are building is the kind of relationship where we help others. That would make me very happy.

Why You Don’t Need A Niche To Blog About

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This is a five minute writing exercise, that is it. Five minutes to write off the cuff and share unedited thoughts/ideas about blogging.

Margie’s post about not having a thing is responsible for sending me off on this riff, but that is ok because this is useful and important.

There are a lot of people who tell you that you should focus on a niche and make yourself an expert on topic XYZ.  It is good advice and in many cases accurate- but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Write With Passion and Purpose

Good things happen to those who write with passion and purpose about the things that interest them. I am biased because this is my approach to blogging but it works. It works because eight years of blogging has proven to me that it works.

It works because I have a steady and involved readership that continues to grow. Could I grow faster by posting solely about one particular topic? Possibly. I could focus my writing on social media/doing business online. Or I could just as easily focus on being a dad blogger and write about all of those things.

Both are things that I know quite a bit about and it wouldn’t be hard to fill these pages with content, except for one thing. I have more interests than just those items. Perhaps if this were solely a business blog I would have more reason to provide a narrow focus but it is not and I don’t have to.

So I write about all of the things that fuel my fire and I do my best not to let that whisper inside my head prevent me from putting pen to paper and finger to keyboard. When you write with passion and purpose good things happen. Build your community around you and show them your inner fire- it works.