The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for February 2013

What Do You Do About a Bad Hair Day?

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Afro Samurai
Afro Samurai (Photo credit: Beni Ishaque Luthor)

I am blessed with black hair that some would describe as a “Jewfro.” It is thick, coarse and kinky.

Go back 30 years and look at my yearbook picture and you’ll see “Jewfro” was a good description. I was 14 and determined to grow long hair like so many of the other guys but instead it grew up and out.

I took a lot of abuse for that photo which is only part of the reason why I cut it short, most of it was because it was just impossible to deal with. Bad hair days happened every day, although truth be told I was oblivious to it then.

A Cut Above

A year later I discovered the joy of the Flat Top and that is how I wore my hair until I was in my late twenties.

I loved it. It was easy to take care of and that is what I wanted. Hell, it is what I still want.

Unfortunately time and age have taken some of my hair from me so I can’t cut it like that anymore because it just doesn’t look right.

I complained to my barber about it and he laughed but maybe that is my fault for using a bald barber.

Almost 30 Years

He wasn’t bald when I first started seeing him. Twenty-nine years ago he had a full head of hair and so did I, but things change and we  have the option to roll with it or fight.

Since I am not interested in Rogaine, hair transplants or silly string I have had no choice but to adapt. Truthfully it has been a bit harder than I would have expected.

I attribute some of that to the past four years–they were a real bitch and I can guarantee that the stress is responsible for providing more real estate on top of my melon. But there is still far more hair than head so it is not a lost cause by any means.

A New Barber

I could use a euphemism for receding hairline, but why. The truth is that my hair has receded somewhat and it is the front that it has gotten thinner. What I have learned is that the best way to manage is to keep it short because when it gets long is when it looks bad.

And that is the situation I found myself in today.

Long hair that was blown every which way by the wind leaving my head in bad shape- how vain is that.

During the last 29 years I can count on one hand the number of times I have used someone other than my barber to cut my hair. If I knew for certain I was going to be in LA this weekend I would have scheduled an appointment but since I have no clue when I am going to go back I made the decision to try someone else.

The Replacement

So during my lunch hour I ran down the street to a local shop that takes walk-ins and figured that I would take a chance. I was more than pleasantly surprised by the job the woman who cut my hair did- this is the best cut I have had in years.

It is short, tight and looks better than it has in I don’t know how long.

I almost want to call my barber and ask him why he couldn’t do this. After 29 years we are very candid with each other so I really could do that, but there is no point. He is a good guy so I won’t hurt his feelings and tell him that he has been replaced.

Although I have to concede that it wasn’t just the cut that got my attention. It was the massage.

I hadn’t realized how tight my neck, back and shoulders were until she worked on them, but once she started I realized that things are really tight there. I think come payday it might be time to treat myself because I have one hell of a knot in my back.

And that my friends is the tale that was going to be told as “Hair today, gone tomorrow.”

Time Management & Priorities

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Head in Hands

There was an audio post here, a beautiful one in which I sounded eloquent and insightful. There was an audio post here that would have made your heart soar and your soul tremble with excitement, but alas technical difficulties killed it.

But something happened, I flew too high and like Icarus I fell from the sky.

If you are really interested in hearing my voice or getting a sense of what sort of “podcast” I normally run you can listen to one of the other ones over here.

What You Missed

If you had been able to hear it you would have heard a short discussion about time management and why I have had less time to visit other blogs. It contained a few words about how commenting on other blogs helps to build relationships with other blogs and how it also helps to build our blogs.

You also would have heard why I have chosen to spend more time writing and working on this blog. It is not because I don’t want to build relationships, but at the moment I had to make a choice where to spend my time and I wanted to focus on collecting some of the stories that I have seen and been a part of.

It also contained a few words about some potential renovations here, but alas those words have been lost and now we have just this.

Doh!

Women Don’t Like It When You Blog During Sex

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moonstruck

Confession: I have never tried blogging during sex so I cannot say for certain that women don’t like it when you blog during sex.

However I am willing to go out on a limb and say many wouldn’t appreciate the lack of focus upon them during this moment of intimacy. I am also willing to say there are those who wouldn’t mind and that I could easily turn this post into a discussion about the importance to focus upon people.

Really, we could move from the ‘shock’ value into a conversation about how people remember how you make them feel and why it is critical to focus upon that.

I could share some stories and tell you again about how I have very few regrets in life but those I do have are huge.

But I Am Not Going To

That is because I don’t feel like it. I don’t feel like writing about how to use your blog to make money or why content marketing is a fad. Don’t need to share the 1,933,743 greatest plugins or teach you how to tweet more effectively.

I just feel like writing because I like doing it. I am thinking about returning to I Taught Frank Sinatra How To Sing to add to the story and wondering if I want you to read Things Bloggers Say During Sex.

Life has been very good lately but very busy too.

I haven’t had as much time to write as I want to and even less to visit blogs so my commenting is way down.

Building The Blog Is Hard Sometimes

It is hard to build the blog when you don’t comment on other blogs. It is hard to build the blog when your blog is in need of renovations and you don’t have time to work on it the way you want to.

But the thing I remind myself is hard doesn’t mean impossible and at the risk of sounding self congratulatory I am among the most determined and tenacious people you will ever meet.

So much of blogging and life is about having the willingness to sustain your effort and to take one more step when others won’t. And it is worth mentioning that a willingness to be a risk taker doesn’t hurt either.

I Have Made Money From Blogging

I have made money from blogging, real money, significant amounts of money, too much too ignore money.

It has never been enough to quit working and make blogging a full time gig but enough to be noticeable and that has happened for the reasons I mentioned above. I have been willing to do things a little bit differently than others and to take some risks that others wouldn’t.

There is no single path to success here but you already know that, or at least the 17 long time readers do. The most important part of blogging is to have fun because that is the key to instilling your passion and personality into your posts.

Passion and personality are like the secret sauce. They help build connections between you and your readers and are a central part of what makes people want to keep visiting.

Triberr Tribulations

Three quick comments about Triberr:

  1. Some people won’t tweet this post because they won’t read the post and the headline will scare them off.
  2. Triberr is a tool and its use is contingent upon the skill of the user.
  3. The best thing Triberr has done is helped me meet wonderful people.

A Request

If you enjoyed this post and/or if you like my blog and I would love for you to become a fan of my Facebook page. You won’t get a signed 8×10 glossy or a decoder ring but you might be able to say you helped me become a best selling author.

Of course that might not happen if you become a fan just as it might even if you don’t. Either way it is your choice to make, all I can do is ask and promise to do my best to entertain you.

Stick around a while and I promise it will happen.

It is well after midnight and my coffin calls. Sleep well my friends and I will see you again soon.

The Shackled Writer

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I have written and rewritten this sentence more than 19 times because it hasn’t ever said what I want it to say in the manner in which I want it to be said.

This displeased, frustrated and annoyed me because I rarely edit the blog in this manner. The blog is not supposed to be for the Shackled Writer.

No, it is supposed to be where I fling open the doors that lead into the dark spaces and make like the crazy spelunker I want to be, searching and sifting through the mud, must and muck of the mind.

But I didn’t do it this time. I didn’t write in the manner of Give Me An Example of A Rant or let loose with reckless abandon because my mind is preoccupied.

Good Writing Is Scary

Good writing is scary and great writing is so fucking frightening the sweat drips off of your forehead and onto the keyboard.

I don’t believe that to be an exaggeration either nor is it a necessity, but sometimes it helps.

If I could sing in the manner I want to you would hear a voice that could make you weep or make your heart sing. That is what I want from my words. I want them to make you smile and think.

And sometimes I want you to read them and feel gutted. Sometimes I want to reach inside your chest and make your heart ache in a way that leaves you breathless and amazed.

aboutawriter

Doors

I know I have managed to do it a few times. I know some of you have read words I have written and come away with those feelings. I know some of you have wondered how I could have put together a post that made you feel those things in a way that made you ask if we had shared the same experience.

But I also know that some of you have read the same posts and come away with disdain and disgust. You have wondered what the hell is wrong with me and asked how I came up with such garbage.

I know because I read your emails and I see the comments. Can’t be all things to all people.

Some love me, some hate me, some are ambivalent and some don’t waste energy with feelings one way or another.

It makes me think of doors.

You never know what lies on the other side of the door and the only way you can find out is to open it and walk through.

The Shackled Writer

I don’t feel like I have done a good job of walking through those doors lately.  Maybe it is because I have been preoccupied. Maybe it is because when you spend three days driving alone through the desert you have nothing but time to think and that leaves you wanting not to think.

Or maybe it is none of those things.

What I know for certain is I am not happy with my writing. It is not flowing the way I want it to and the stories aren’t being told/shared in the manner I want them to be.

So the plan is to just let go and to write more free form and free association. It is time to just write and to see what happens.

The People In Your Life

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REASON, SEASON, LIFETIME!!!

People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
or to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away.
Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON,
it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall,
the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person anyway;
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being part of my life.
Everyone hears what you say.
Friends listen to what you say.
Best friends listen to what you don’t say.

The “poem” in the shaded box has been around for years but I have never found the author so I don’t know who to attribute it to.

Two days ago I stumbled across it and decided it was worth sharing again. It is a lovely sentiment and there are moments where I buy into everything it says and believe it all wholeheartedly and then there are times where I sort of smile and shrug my shoulders.

That is because it feels good to think everything happens for a reason and that there is some sort of plan for all of us. It feels good to believe we fit into something larger and that the things we do aren’t just random.

Truth is for me I have had too many coincidences to chalk life up to nothing but a series of random events nor can I rest comfortably and say that everything is planned because I believe in free will.

So I think there is some sort of middle ground that exists and I am comfortable with that.

What about you? What do you think?

Who Blogs About Laundry

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Laundry in the river in Abidjan, Ivory Coast.
Laundry in the river in Abidjan, Ivory Coast. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Who blogs about laundry isn’t the sexiest headline you have ever read nor is it as suggestive as writing 69 reasons why dad bloggers do it better than mom bloggers.

Although it bears noting that many mom bloggers have suggested that if their husbands did the laundry they might be up for more sexy time with their men. However there is evidence that suggests that dudes who do laundry won’t be doing the horizontal mambo with mama, so put down the Tide and back away.

I Am Not A Fan Of Folding Shirts

I am not a fan of folding shirts which is part of the reason why there is a stack of clean shirts on my bed. They aren’t balled or crumpled up. They are lying flat, one on top of the other right next to the laundry basket.

They have been there for close to three hours and were my children here I would have already folded and put them away. That is part of the “dad is a good role model” deal I made when I became a father.

But since they aren’t here I didn’t have to rush to put them away.

Nor did I have to use a glass, silverware or a plate for my dinner. Someone tell my mom I am sorry but the chance to live as a bachelor doesn’t come along very often so I am taking it.

My Kitchen

You didn’t ask but my kitchen and bathroom are clean and the overall state of this joint is one that would pass inspection. You might not give me an ‘A’ rating but you wouldn’t fail me either.

The  joy of temporary bachelorhood doesn’t mean I am a slob– it just means I get to loosen up around the edges.

But one of the reasons beyond the need for clean underwear that I chose to do laundry during the week and not this weekend is so I could have time to enjoy the weekend. Got a couple of movies to see and maybe a carnival to check out.

In between it all I plan on searching for a new gym to play ball at and maybe to begin swimming again.

Training

Don’t ask me to explain how I moved from blogging about laundry to writing about how I want to find a swimming pool to start training in again because I can’t explain it. What I can tell you is once upon a time I swam competitively and I am interested in doing so again.

The hardest part about it isn’t finding a pool because that is easy. No, what is hard is deciding that I am willing to undergo six months of hell because it is going to take that long to get myself into the kind of shape I want to be in.

Three months of hard work to get myself into the kind of shape I need to be in to start training and then three months of training so that I can start really training.

I may be a dreamer but I am also a realist and I know from experience what it is I am looking at, but the upside here is huge.

The Future

The beauty of swimming is that it is a tremendous workout that is low impact which means you can do this for years. It is not an exaggeration to say it could be life changing and provide countless benefits potentially for the rest of my life.

That is the kind of upside you can’t talk enough about nor should you ignore it.

Really, it is the sort of opportunity that you should run towards and not from.And I plan on getting to it just as soon as I finish folding these shirts.