Archives for February 2013
The Story I Want To Tell
Sometimes when I think about the story I want to tell I think about something similar to the video below.
It is the opening montage to the second season of The Sopranos. What you see are a series of clips set to It Was a Very Good Year as performed by Frank Sinatra.
To be clear the story isn’t necessarily set back East nor does it really have any mob or Italian connection, but what it does have is depth. There are multiple layers and complex characters and I see a relationship between what I I want to write and the video.
People fascinate me. Really, I have learned that the most ridiculous television shows can be outdone by the things that real people do.
We like to think we act based upon logic and reason yet many of our decisions are based upon emotion or arbitrary choices that aren’t based upon anything of substance.
Many of us adopt the same religion or politics because that is what our parents were/did. It is not necessarily a bad thing but it does help illustrate how sometimes we don’t really choose to do or be, we just are because they (parents ) were.
More to come about this at a later date.
Sometimes The Best Posts Ramble
- I Am On Fire- Bruce Springsteen
- My City of Ruin- Bruce Springsteen
- Ain’t Got You- Bruce Springsteen
- Crossroads- Cream
- Summertime- Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
- A Little Less Conversation- Elvis Presley
- Wonder of Wonders- Fiddler On The Roof Soundtrack
Sometimes the best posts are nothing more than an exercise in free writing where you let the words roll off your tongue and dribble down the page without any concern for whether people will read, comment or share them.
Those are the moments when you set yourself free and begin to understand the kind of depth and joy writing can bring when it is given freely and without regard for what comes after.
It is when you find out what lies under the surface of your mind and gain a degree of clarity you might not otherwise have.
There Are Too Many Rules
Blogging has too many rules, requirements and restrictions. If you try to follow them all you will suck the life out of you and kill the joy of just writing.
This should be fun. This should be a celebration and if it is not it should be because you have chosen to write about a serious topic because you wanted to. It shouldn’t be because you are trying to make sure you came up with the most incredible piece of content to be stuffed with keywords and matched with an exceptional headline that people can’t help but click on.
I Want My Words To Be Like A Song
I want my words to be like a song that people can’t help but sing. I want it to be catchy and clever and silly and whimsical.
I want it to be fun.
That is why I am here. That is why I do this.
It is fun.
It is cathartic.
It is mine.
Even Better Than A 3 Hour Tour
“A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they’d be happy for a whileBut February made me shiver
With every paper I’d deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn’t take one more stepI can’t remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died”
American Pie– Don McLean
You Put The Bullet In Your Dreams sounds like it might be a sad story but it really isn’t. Rather it is a collection of moments that led to the place where I am now and that is something, warm, happy and magnificent.
We often write about how life is a journey and why we should do our best to be present on the moments and not solely focused upon the destination. Sometimes I read those posts and wonder how much manure the writer swallowed before they regurgitated the very words I am reading on screen and other times I can’t pull my eyes away because they have filled the page with truth.
It is the truth that I want to share with whomever reads my words because of the connection I feel and the way it resonates with me.
“Let your mind go and your body will follow.”
LA Story
Two or three days after I wrote the “dream’ post I interviewed for the position that led me to leave home and though the position wasn’t offered to me during that interview I had a strong feeling it would be.
Somewhere during those days there was a moment of clarity when I realized that had it not been for those experiences I shared I never would have found this opportunity and if by some chance I had, well I would have passed upon it.
I wouldn’t have recognized why this one moment in time could be so very important and life changing. I wouldn’t have seen the opportunity to take a chance to do the thing that I love to do in for pay in a place where it could work like no other.
It took a bit of time for it to sink in and for me not to let fear of change and concern about what makes the most sense to derail things.
Risk is Important and Necessary
Risk is important and necessary. If you never stretch you never find out what you are capable of and you never get the chance to truly grab the brass ring. You just ride your pony in never ending circles.
Fear masked as “logic” almost made me say no. I came up with a dozen reasons why it couldn’t work and why I shouldn’t try. That was fear of failure speaking. That was the small whisper in the back of my mind saying “maybe you aren’t as good as you think you are.”
I fought that feeling and made a mental list of accomplishments and reasons that proved I could do it and wondered what would happen if I am better than I think I am. I asked if I could say that with humility and the answer came back yes.
Take A Chance On Me
It sounds cheesy but in the midst of all this thinking I heard Abba sing “Take a Chance on Me” and I thought about how often we are good to others but less forgiving of ourselves. It wasn’t exactly in line with the meaning of the song but I took it as a sign to trust myself and really go after this moment.
And now it is the night before my first day and I am feeling a mix of confidence and nerves. I won’t be able to find my groove until I start the daily component and find out what life is going to be like so I am anxious to begin.
It feels a lot like the last night of summer break before the semester begins at the new school and I don’t know any of my classmates. Unlike my school days I made a point to pick out my suit and tie tonight and have them ready and waiting.
I am going to do my best to show them what I have got and hope it is a lot more like the professor than Gilligan. Time to see if I can make those people dance.
Linking up again with Yeah Write.
Almost Familiar
There are moments where I almost feel like I have adapted to the pace and rhythm of my new surroundings and then I remember that I am only here for just a moment.
That’s because this hotel has always been the first stop in my new home and now it has served its purpose. Tomorrow I am going to move to a new place which is still just a rest stop, but better suited as a base of operations.
It sounds so serious, “base of operations” but that is how I see it. It is set up for an extended stay and what I will use for the “longer short term” period in which I look for a good rental property.
I didn’t want to rent anything sight unseen so I made a point to set things up like this so that I could put some boots on the ground and figure out where the best place to live will be.
The net result of all of this is I haven’t found my groove yet nor adopted a new routine. I have mixed emotions about it.
I like the dynamic environments I am in now but I also like having my “creature comforts” attended to so I am anxious to do the things I need to do to make that happen.
Besides, I am desperate to find a new gym and place to play basketball and I can’t focus on locating that until I have a more “permanent home.” There are bigger problems than this so I suppose I am grateful to be worried about just these things.
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This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
- Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
- Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spell checking. This is writing in the raw.
- Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
- Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (in the sidebar). .
- Link up your post below.
- Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love
Where The Streets Have No Name
The strange yet interesting thing about this move is the feeling that this is not the first time I have lived here. I feel a bit goofy saying that especially since I know damn well I haven’t ever lived here, but it is true.
Perhaps some of it is related to how similar I find aspects of the city and Los Angeles. There are distinct differences between the two but every now and then I look around and think about how I wouldn’t be surprised if unfamiliar streets led me right back to those I know best.
Where The Streets Have No Name
Where the streets have no name is how I think of many of the streets I have driven down, around or passed over. I see them and pick out landmarks so that I don’t get lost but I don’t always catch the names of the streets so for a time they’ll remain unnamed.
Soon enough I’ll have spent enough time around these parts to name more than a few and to be able to provide directions to those who ask, at least that is my theory.
Of course there are always elements that can throw off a theory such as the construction around town that has consistently made a mockery of the directions fed to me by my GPS.
It is a good thing the damn thing doesn’t have feelings because I have been forced to ignore its directions on multiple occasions and consequently have been subjected to its nagging to course correct.
Course Correction On A Larger Scale
And that leads me to acknowledge this move as being a course correction on a larger scale. I am not viewing this as a short term change, something that will be measured in months because it sends the wrong message.
This is a life change.
It is where I look at the those three little words and say I am not going to blow an opportunity by not showing up or being present. I am all in. I am here and I am ready for whatever comes my way.
It doesn’t mean there will not be challenges or that I won’t have hard moments. It doesn’t mean I won’t wake up and say WTF did I just do because that is natural.
But when those moments come I intend to push through because I need to see where it leads. I need to find out what this means. It doesn’t matter if I am traveling down the road not taken or sauntering down a paved path– I can’t answer the question of what happens without walking the whole way.
New Beginnings
It is interesting to be in a place where no one knows me. I have a few acquaintances but the people who know me best are not particularly close, especially those who are back home.
The net effect is that I have no history of any sort with anyone. No one knows me as anything but Jack and whatever odds and ends they glisten from conversation.
In person I am far less forthcoming than I am here on the blog. You might hear a few stories about this and that but I tend not to let people in very quickly.
Some of it is probably because I am very comfortable with myself and have no problem sitting in silence. I find it peaceful.
But I also expect I will make a point to be more outgoing because solitude grows old over time and you can never have too many friends.
No One Wants Rotten Miracles
It is funny to me to look at the post about rotten miracles and to think about that cornfield in Iowa because I built this opportunity on hard work and faith. I pushed, pulled and screamed to make it happen.
Now it is here and I’ll find out firsthand what I have done.
I am excited about the possibilities. I am excited to drive these streets with no name and to figure out what they are called and what they will be called.
Faith, hard work and a bit of luck and a double dose of magic.
The moment is now.