Archives for February 2014

More than a year ago I wrote A Letter To My Children- Things That Matter because I needed to remind them about what is important in life and I needed them to remember all we have is a brief window to collect a series of moments in time we call experiences.

It is part of why I collect those moments and write about them here, because it is one of the few ways I have to try and immortalize certain things so that I can save them for later.

Last night we talked about how my grandparents would have turned 100 this year and I did some digging to see what I might share…if anything.

Passing The Baton- Grandma is 94 jumped out at me. We took my grandparents out to celebrate my grandmother’s birthday and then when I drove them home this happened:

When I dropped them off at their home I had to take a moment. They both hugged and kissed me goodbye, and then without any further ado they held hands and walked off towards the entrance. When I tried to follow them in my grandfather stuck his cane out and told me not to interrupt his time with his special girl and with a twinkle in his eye told me to tell the office that they wouldn’t make it to dinner tonight.

When grandma was 90 grandpa told me she had the best ass of any 90 year-old woman he knew. I remember the first Passover seder without grandma and the tear that ran down grandpa’s face.

I knew why he cried and I know he died not from old age but of a broken heart.

What Might You Have Said/Done

It is eight years since my paternal grandfather died but sometimes it feels more recent. Sometimes I feel like I can call grandpa and tell him about just how crazy life became after he died and how very much has happened.

I remember after the Northridge Quake in ’94 I drove to his apartment and made him and grandma leave. Grandma really didn’t want to go but I knew the building would be condemned (and it was) and didn’t want to find out if it was going to come down naturally or with the help of machinery.

So we packed a bag and moved them  to my parents’ house and grandpa said if he was 65 or younger it would be an adventure but that 80 made it more difficult than he preferred it to be.

And now I think about driving through the desert from California to Texas and then from Texas back to California. I think about the things I saw, experiences I had and the moments that changed my life and I wonder what he might have said or done.

Wonder because my gut tells me I know most if not all of what he would have said or done.

He never did read any of the posts on any of my blogs, but he knew about them and he loved that I was writing,

Things That Matter

People matter. I have reminded myself of and about that a bunch of times recently. Done so because some things have happened that turned my world upside down.

My life is very different than I had imagined it would be. Don’t ask me to list them all because I won’t and it is not because I am trying to be mysterious, different or difficult.

It is because some things I keep just for me and the list of how/why isn’t as significant as my saying that the most important lesson I have learned is to focus upon what I need and what I want.

When you identify the distinction you can make a plan for getting what you need and once you have nailed that down you can look for what you want.

Grandma Did It All Backwards

Sometimes people will talk about how my grandfather was quite the dancer and my mom/aunt point out that grandma was too and that she did it all backwards.

Grandpa was much louder than she was, he liked being the center of attention and she was content to be quiet.

What I think people forget is that grandma was quiet because she wanted to be. She wasn’t the center of attention because she didn’t need it but it made grandpa happy and she liked that because she liked making him happy.

And when I think about them one of the shining moments is from their last days together. Watching them sit next to each other, each in their own reclining chair, holding hands.

If you had seen the look on their faces you’d understand.

Holding hands on a couch–timeless memories.

This post was supposed to be about a different topic but my 13 year-old asked me to tell him why a girl said he looked hot in his suit on Saturday night. He wasn’t being coy or clever, until relatively recently he thought girls were placed on earth solely to irritate boys.

You should have seen the look on his face when I told him it only gets worse. 😉

Anyway, I didn’t tell him about all the great blog fodder he provided when he was little and about how easy it would be to make it blackmail material. 😉

During our conversation I remembered a post I wrote six years ago about a conversation he and I had about The World’s Strongest Penis.

It is more innocent than it sounds.

On a related note now that the kids are older I am more cautious about what sorts of things I share about them, there are more boundaries.

The World’s Strongest Penis

My children provide a never ending source of blog fodder. The questions they ask, the stories they tell and the things that they do provide a steady pipeline of material. The hard part is that some of these stories seem to repeat themselves over and over, with just a slight variation on how they are told/come about.

This next story comes courtesy of the lad that the good people call “Little Jack.”

He recently told me that he is the smartest boy in the house. When I asked why he explained that I don’t go to school and that I have an “old brain.” Anyway, the conversation meandered about and eventually led to our standard question and answer time. The “Q&A” session is something that we do on a regular basis. It gives him a chance to ask me to answer the burning questions on his mind and it provides me with a chance to try and pick his brain about his day.

The conversation about The World’s Strongest Penis began as a discussion about how to use public urinals. That is a conversation that we have had a number of times. In a different post I’ll have to rant and rave about how some women tried to teach him and the other boys to pee. It may sound ridiculous, but there is a reason for my irritation.

For now let’s talk about how some of the boys at camp have helped educatehim about all sorts of stuff, including new and exciting vocabulary words.

Son: Dad, Jake says that his mom told him that the penis is a man’s strongest muscle.
Me: His mom and dad don’t live together, do they.

Son: No, how’d did you know that?
Me: Just a hunch. What else did Jake say?

Son: He said that his dad had the most powerful penis in the world. I said that he was wrong and that you do.
Me: (Mental note to self: Add note to resume, “most powerful penis in the world.) Oh you did. I appreciate that, but you don’t need to tell people that. It is a private thing.

Son: Ok, I’ll tell him that you don’t want to talk about your penis.
Me: That’s ok. You don’t need to tell him. In fact it is probably better that you don’t discuss it.

Son: Why, are you embarrassed about your penis?
Me: No, I am perfectly happy with it. It works just the way it is supposed to. Remember when we talked about a broken penis. Everything is fine, it is just not something that we discuss with others.

Son: What about the doctor? Can we talk to the doctor about our penis?
Me: Yes, the doctor is fine.

Son: How about a policeman? Can we talk to the policeman?
Me: Only if you need to file a missing penis report. (Sometimes I just can’t help myself.)

Son: Can people steal your penis? (you can’t imagine the look of horror on his face.)
Me: No, I just exaggerating. No one can steal your penis. It is attached just like your arm or leg.

Son: But if you have an accident you can cut off your arm or your leg. What if you had an accident and you cut off your penis.
Me: Might be kind of hard to pee. I don’t think that you have to worry about that one.

Son: You can’t cut off Superman’s penis unless you have Kryptonite.
Me: I have never thought about it, but I suppose you’re right.

Son: And Iron Man is safe. You can’t cut off an iron penis.
Me: Actually Iron Man is a guy who wear a special suit. Outside of his armor he is vulnerable.

Son: He better not take off his suit, someone might cut his penis off.
Me: He is a comic book hero, that kind of stuff never happens to them. Do you have any more questions?

Son: How strong is your penis?
Me: I don’t know. It is not like your arms or legs. It doesn’t have to be strong to do its job.

Son: Why did Jake’s mom say that it is a strong muscle?
Me: I don’t know.

Son: That doesn’t make sense.
Me: You’re going to find that life is full of things that don’t make sense. Has Jake’s mom said anything else?