The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for November 2016

About That Basket Of Deplorables

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We’re several days past the election and the hard feelings/anger hasn’t dissipated on either side.

I continue to see posts filled with rage and pain and accusatory tones in which people wave their fingers about how awful the Trump/Clinton supporters are.

Today I was told how to feel about something that I said people might find to be insulting. “No insults were given, you are just upset because someone told the truth.”

I got a good laugh out of it because it was based upon an opinion piece and not some academic study.

Part of me was tempted to point out the obvious fallacies in their argument and ask if they thought it was ok to tell people how they ought to feel.

I didn’t bother doing so because it wasn’t going to lead to a discussion and I don’t care what some stranger thinks of me.

Nor did I expect them to hear, listen or accept my response and I am ok with that. I have other people and places I am focused upon.

About That Basket Of Deplorables

I have friends who voted for Trump and though I vociferously disagree with their choice I won’t end our friendship.

It is ok to disagree and I understand their reasons and trust none of them were based upon hate. 

But that is predicated upon 30 plus years of friendship and significant experience that makes me trust their word.

“Jack, do you know how offensive it is to be labeled by a candidate as “deplorable?”

I responded by asking how we should feel about a candidate who is supported by racist groups and who has emboldened them.

“You can tell me they don’t make up a significant portion of the population and I believe you see that as important. But I’ll tell you Trump’s refusal to distance and disavow their support in a significant way troubles me.

I’ll tell you hate and mistrust has been sown in his name too and you have to expect a strong response because of that. You can’t just say it is a case of sore losers. I won’t excoriate you for your vote, but I’ll say I expect you to do your part to stop these racist groups from thinking they received a mandate.”

stupidfranklin

We Have To Talk

If we have learned anything from this election it is that we are deeply divided and that is why now more than ever we need to talk.

I don’t believe we are all racists or sore losers.

I don’t believe we are all one group of anything other than Americans.

And like I said, I don’t unfriend people for simply having a different opinion than I do. I’ll listen and talk to you about all sorts of things.

Of course there are limits and if you promote racism/hate you’ll find I oppose you and in that case, well we probably won’t be friends.

anger

What I am interested in is finding ways to get all of us pulling together and pushing for change for the common good.

You tell me you want to make America great again and show me how to do it in an inclusive manner and I’ll be right there to try and help.

We might disagree on ways and means, but that common goal keeps us talking and working together.

But if your idea is one that excludes others simply based upon race, color or creed then you and I have a problem because you aren’t talking about America.

We are a nation that was built upon the backs of immigrants.

We all come from somewhere else.

I don’t believe for a moment that we have so lost our way that we can never find it again. This can be a hiccup and bump in the road but only if we work together.

Fear & Anger

Fear & anger have led us to this corner and the only way to get beyond it is to start talking.

It is not hokey to say united we stand and divided we fall because that nugget has been proven true a million times.

So like I said to my friends who voted for Trump, I won’t call you names for doing what you thought was right but I will hold you accountable as I do everyone else to help promote inclusion.

In some ways your voice might even be more important as you let your candidate know that you didn’t vote for a bigot or a bully.

And like it or not, that is how he appears which is why these hate groups support him.

So help him help himself by demanding he do the right thing to disavow their support and to help the rest of us see that we really are pulling for the same common goal.

We’ll still argue about policies, some of them quite aggressively but at least we might feel like we are all Americans and not two separate groups.

Welcome To The Days Of Uncertainty

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This was the nastiest and strangest campaign I have seen and I unhappy with the results.

My displeasure with Trump isn’t limited to my concerns about his positions on women and minorities or how he seems to be the personification of an ‘adult toddler.’

It is focused on my concern regarding his lack of political experience which is not a benefit or asset in his new position.

The country isn’t constructed to be run in the same manner as a business and there are significant differences.

Add the lack of experience to an inability to determine what his core beliefs are and toss the aforementioned concerns about women and minorities and it is an ugly looking dish.

Usewhatyouknow

Welcome To The Days Of Uncertainty

I am surprised by how disappointed I am in the results which tells me how wrapped up I have been with other issues.

Had I not been so damn preoccupied with the crazy personal stuff I would have been more cognizant of just how badly I didn’t want him to win.

But unless something changes he has and it is time to look forward in a different way. Time to hope he exceeds expectations and that things go well.

It is not a great feeling to look at the screen and wonder if I am being foolish or naive but as I told my teenager elections are funny things.

Sometimes our candidate wins and sometimes they lose and you never really know how good or how bad some things will be until they get into office and start working.

All we have now is some information about what Trump says he will do and the concern about the impact of those promises, assuming he follows through on them.

I take that as Einstein wrote, it is information and not knowledge.

Is The Sun Rising Or Setting?

Perspective is an interesting thing.

If you look at the picture at the top of the page you can see it as the sun rising or the sun setting.

 

The funny thing about it is when you think about the dawn of a new day or the end of one you can put positive or negative spins upon it.

Could be the start of a great day or the end of a long one. Could be a horrible beginning or a horrible end.

Or maybe it is a combination of them.

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Made a point to tell my kids I love them and to try not to worry about trouble that hasn’t come because that is not the best use of our time and energy.

Didn’t tell them I feel a bit shellshocked because it would contradict what I said and there is no reason to upset them more.

It really may be better than we hope and if it is not, well no need to worry now about what isn’t here.

Because we still have to take care of our daily responsibilities and that won’t change regardless of who is president.

I am not a fan of the days of uncertainty, but we have to play the cards we are dealt and I have my poker face on.

The Kind Of Blogger You Want To Read

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Sometimes I play around with spending time rooting through the archives here to try and do a thorough analysis regarding the evolution of the blog.

I am curious to see a breakdown of the types and kinds of posts that have run here and see if that gives me any insight as to how it has grown or regressed.

Probably won’t happen because I don’t have enough extra time nor enough interest to do it. Maybe I’ll win the lottery and take it on then or maybe not.

The Kind Of Blogger You Want To Read

That is the single best and worst thing to happen to me as a blogger.

It is the great contradiction that has pushed me to become better and at times stifled my words.

The desire to have more people read me and the concern that they’ll dislike or even worse be so bored they won’t return.

poetryandcommunication

Not going to lie and say my ego doesn’t love being told something I wrote was good, but what really resonates with me is when someone says my words move them.

There are times where I am sincerely surprised because I didn’t think what I wrote was particularly good.

Moments where I wonder why no one cared that in the prior post I bared my soul and yet this piece of nothing caused them to cry.

Times where I shake my head because I issued a call-to-action that was met with ambivalence and the story I wrote in five minutes has people asking for more information.

It is just more proof about how subjective our feelings about writing is.

Speaking about subjective, I get chills watching this video below.

Sometimes I forget how much Chicago is in me and that even though I am forever a California boy, I wouldn’t exist without Chicago.

It made and molded so many people in my family it is impossible for it not to influence me.

Who knows, I may even live there one day.

In spite of my love for Chicago, I still wish my Dodgers had won it all, but this isn’t bad.

What Comes Next?

That is a question I have been asking myself for a while now.

What comes next?

I am still growing and learning how to become a better writer and storyteller but that is not really the question here.

The question is what direction do I want to take the blog in. What will make me happiest and serve the greatest good.

What will drive me to sit down and just write with reckless abandon.

I am still evaluating and thinking about those things.

There is no rush to come up with an answer either.

If you stick around for the ride you’ll see what happens and if you don’t, well maybe our paths will cross again at a different time or place.

It Rattled My Cage

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There is a vague memory of a time somewhere between 15 and 17 in which a frustrated teenage boy couldn’t wait to be an old man of 45 or something like that.

He didn’t like the idea of being old but figured the peace of mind he would have would be worth something because the crazy moments of being a teen were sometimes hard.

I had forgotten about that moment until an echo from the past surfaced and I realized the frustration I have been feeling today was no different from then.

Except this time I recognize that sometimes we can’t always identify what rattled our cage, just that something did.

Useful pain

What Rattled My Cage?

I am not certain what created the chaos and uncertainty I am feeling right now.

Might be the combination of having moved multiple times, surgery and teenage issues that is doing it.

Could be tied into how hard I am on myself too.

Kind of funny because I won’t let anyone talk to myself the way I do, but sometimes I do.

I pay attention to this sort of stuff not just because it is impossible not to notice that I feel off balance but because I want to be able to help my kids manage this stuff.

It is my job to help them navigate and negotiate life. Since I can’t say they haven’t been gifted with some of my traits I figure I ought to be able to show them how I handle some of the hiccups.

And I am certain there has to be a benefit to having survived some of the crap that we all go through in life.

So I am telling the part of me that demands answers to stow it and to embrace the discomfort because in some ways it doesn’t matter what caused it.

Emotions don’t always follow rules, reason or logic and they show up even when they shouldn’t.

All I need is one small victory, one moment in time to kickstart things and we’ll be back on track.

Small Victories Lead To Big Ones

I talk to the kids about the benefit of small victories on a regular basis because if all they are fed is shoot for the stars they might forget how meaningful the small victories can be too.

My childhood wasn’t packed with information overload the way theirs is. I didn’t have to worry about social media, Internet, cell phones, computers and all fo the tech noise in general.

Doesn’t mean we didn’t have pressure, but it was different and I see theirs as being a little harder because you can’t just escape.

It takes effort so I want to do what I can to help them build a solid foundation and shore it up.

And I want them to remember that we didn’t become who we are today overnight and we won’t become who we will be in a day either.

Time can be a friend or an enemy, it just depends on our perspective and that is all I have to say for now.

I Wish Moms Were Better Parents

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I must have received about a dozen emails/Facebook messages telling me to watch Louis CK tell Conan we need to elect Hillary because we need a tough bitch mom as president.

Won’t be long now before it turns into the general stupidity known as the parenting competition in which moms and dads debate who works harder.

It is one of the dumber arguments/conversations you can have because there are no winners.

Some of the guys get bent out of shape about this because this sort of thing lends itself to a slew of jokes in which dads are portrayed as inept buffoons.

Those generally run alongside or with the posts/memes in which moms try to demonstrate how much more work they do than dads.

I tend to look at a lot of those as women competing with other women for who can gain the title of Queen or Super Mom.

The point is I don’t spend a ton of time thinking about any of this and am writing about it because the competition isn’t helpful and I am a blogger who is looking for some additional traffic.

I Wish Moms Were Better Parents

There was a time when I felt differently and found the “dads are buffoon/inept” posts and jokes to be annoying but not anymore.

If you are married with kids the only other person whose opinion about how much work you do that counts is your spouse.

If you and him/her are cool with the division of labor there is no reason to cry or scream about what is going on.

Granted it is nice to be appreciated and the world is a better place when we are kind to each all around but really, I have too much going on to go completely nuts about this.

Sixteen years of parenting and the challenges of parenting teens has me laser focused on trying to be a good dad.

Frankly the conversation about who does more often feels like the Hillary versus Trump discussion.

There is a whole lot of shouting and finger pointing but not much agreement and I don’t see the benefit.

But I do know that using linkbait for headlines and subheads is an effective way to generate traffic.

What I Really Wish For Is Cooperation

If you dig into the archives you’ll see lots of posts about politics and religion here but you won’t see much of that now.

It was great for traffic but I got tired of the arguing and the stupid emails/comments that seemed to get tired into it all.

You can call that my segue into saying I wish our government was better at working together and I wish that asking for more cooperation wasn’t a task.

More cooperation is really what I want to see. It would make for a much more pleasant environment in so many areas.

I suppose that leads me to ask do people really want to be described or known as a tough bitch/asshole.

Seems to me that is not really a compliment or necessary.

And for those of you who haven’t see the bit I referred to at the top here it is for your viewing pleasure.

Teenagers- The Struggle Is Real

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A little voice inside my head says “Houston we have a problem” but I can’t laugh at this.

I want to laugh, I want to take a deep breath, smile and say it is all going to work out just fine but I can’t bring myself to do it.

The funny thing is I know it will be fine and that it will all work out, except there is a little whisper inside that says “what if you are wrong.”

It is the same voice that reminds me Houston isn’t responding, you are all alone.

Teenagers- The Struggle Is Real

There is an ongoing situation that I have tried not to write about because there are boundaries in blogging and some stories shouldn’t be shared this way.

It is not a complete secret among family and friends, this situation that is.

Hell, I know other parents who have teens who are facing much more serious stuff than we are, but let’s be honest about things.

That is their kid(s) and this is mine.

I feel concern and compassion, but it is never the same as when it is your own.

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This promotion should be seen as one of the best things that has ever happened for me and my family.

It should be celebrated but I haven’t been able to do that the way I want to because there is an anchor around my legs.

A huge weight that tries to drown me each day.

I won’t give in and I won’t budge because intellectually I know I am best positioned to help my teen by succeeding here.

But emotionally, well some days I take a beating because there is always the voice that asks if there are better ways to go or smarter choices to be made.

Every day I wonder if I could or should do things differently.

But those aren’t questions that can be answered and I am focused on long term solutions and not short term bandages.

A High Threshold For Pain

Many years ago my doc told me I have a high threshold for physical pain.

I thought it was cool and smiled.

He shook his head and said it wasn’t always a good thing and told me I had hurt myself by not getting some things treated.

A couple of years ago we found out that my teen shares that too.

Kid broke his arm during a soccer game but we didn’t know because he fell and bounced right back up again.

He had some pain the week after but we all figured it was just sore after the fall and since he was using his arm we went about our business.

When he still felt pain the following week I told him it was time to get it checked out and we discovered he had a minor break.

Doc was surprised to find out he hadn’t complained more and then my teen said he didn’t think it hurt enough to see a doctor.

I felt guilty and wondered if I should have taken him in earlier, but when I asked he said he didn’t think he needed it so I went with what he said.

Cut to the future and I see that the current situation we are in is because of that high threshold and I wonder if the sins of the father are visited upon the son.

stupidfranklin

Ask Your Father

I called my dad last night to check in and see how he is doing.

“Three surgeries in five weeks is enough, cut it out.”

He laughed and told me he is feeling much better.

“Glad to hear it, making good progress on the job, but not as much as  I would like.”

“You made the best choice you could make and are doing the right thing. Stop beating yourself up over things you can’t control.”

He paused and filled the silence with another comment.

“I don’t have to see your face to know you are irritated but trust me I know something about raising teenagers and I know you.”

It made me laugh and I told him he was lucky I was so damn easy.

“Don’t kid yourself, you were a huge pain-in-the-ass and you won’t solve this until he is ready to do it. So let go and do what you need to do to be successful at work because that is the best you can do to help.”

I thanked my father, asked him a few more questions and then smiled when he said he wished his dad was still here.

“He’d tell you what I did, but he’d say it better and  maybe he’d know more about how to help. Wish I could ask him.”

Conversations With Teens

Told the kid I have faith in him but that my faith wouldn’t prevent his own stupidity.

“Sooner or later the things we do catch up with us and it won’t matter how lucky you have been. We either get smart or stay stupid.”

It wasn’t exactly what Ben Franklin said but it was close enough for my point to be made.

We went back and forth for a few more minutes and I wondered if he really heard what I was saying and asked him if he was listening.

He assured me he was and yet somehow the conversation turned ugly.

It is not something that normally happens or one that I am used to with him.

But like a good teen he figured out what buttons to push and I finally reacted.

The apologies came hours later from both of us and I told him again I had faith in him, said this doesn’t have to be the defining moment.

He pushed back on that and I told him the advantage of age and experience is that I can see things differently than he can.

Said he didn’t have to accept it and that I probably wouldn’t have at his age either.

But damn, I wish he would.

Teenagers, the struggle is real.