Touch Me There & I Might Break Your Arm

Angry face

Those who know me best have devised a list of signs that you can use to determine when I am truly angry and not messing around with you.

  1. I unconsciously begin to flex the fingers on both of my hands.
  2. One of the veins in my forehead pops out just slightly.
  3. I get very quiet.
  4. I make the angry face.

My son is responsible for number four. He coined that line when he was about three or so. It usually came out when he knew that I was upset and would say, “daddy, don’t make the angry face at me.”

But my favorite moment was when he told someone in a parking lot that they were in big trouble because they made daddy make the angry face.

I can’t tell you what it looks like because I don’t need to look in the mirror when I am irritated, but that is neither here nor there. Most people will never see the angry face or experience the wrath of Jack because it is usually a waste of time.

There Are Moments

This past Saturday night the angry face came out but the source of my ire wasn’t directed solely at another person. Nope, part of it was directed at myself. Part of it was focused inwards because I was disappointed in myself.

Let me give you the skinny.

I am a Taurus and I am built like one. And because I am a smartass let me clarify that I don’t have a tail, hooves or a ring through my nose. No horns either, but if I did you might get them in the ass. 😉

Back to the matter at hand.

One of the guys at the party came up, slapped me on the belly and said “How are you?”

That is not friendly. That is a passive-aggressive way of taking a swipe at me. I get it, the stomach isn’t quite as flat as it once was. Been eating well for a bit and I have slipped a bit.

I was more irritated with me than him. I was more upset because I lacked the discipline to shut my mouth and stop eating. I was more upset because I don’t like the way I look in pictures.

Angry Talk (Comic Style)

What Happened Next

He didn’t wind up with his head inserted in the block wall behind us nor was he granted an unexpected nap. I thought about saying something to him. I thought about suggesting that a guy who is a decade younger than I am and in far worst shape should be cautious in who he insults, but I didn’t.

Blame it on ego, but I didn’t want him to know he had pricked me. I didn’t want to say that it got me, because then he would win. I know, it sounds kind of silly but part of the purpose of the blog is to figure things out.

So I smiled and told him that he ought to get some sunblock for his head because between the moon and the glare from his dome I was in desperate need of sunglasses.

Sometimes men are so juvenile. Just imagine what would have happened if we had both worn the same dress.

What Needs To Happen

This is the simple part. What needs to happen is I need to make a decision about whether I intend to be serious about getting into the kind of shape I want to be in or whether I am good with where I am at.

The reality is that I am not in horrible shape. I wouldn’t call myself a model but things aren’t terrible. They just don’t reflect the vision I have of myself. When I see myself in my mind’s eye I still see the 19 year-old I used to be.

When I play ball I sometimes forget that my legs don’t have the same spring they used to have, but I am proud to say that I play based upon what I can do now. That is because I deal with reality. I adjusted my game and I am good with it.

So the question of adjusting my mental image of myself is one that I need to address because it is tied into inner peace of mind. I either have to become more serious and cut out more of the stuff I love to eat or accept that I am ok like this.

I can kill these moments. I can kill the frustration. I can wipe it out, I just have to make the decision to do so.

Personal accountability is what it is about.

But to be the safe side might I suggest you not touch me there or I might break your arm. 😉

If You Died, Who Would Take Care of Your Children?

If you ever want to kill a conversation. If you ever want to change the tone into something more somber and muted ask a parent if they have made plans for where the children would live if something happened to them.

It is a frightening topic. It is a hard topic. It is uncomfortable to consider what would happen to your children if they were to lose their parents. It is painful to think about a future in which you do not participate.

It is a discussion that you have to have. As a parent you have to take the time to consider all of the angles. If the worst happens, who gets the kids. Who do you trust to raise them. If the worst happens is there someone who can provide for them. Is there is friend or family member who you can rely upon to take care of your children.

Will they respect your wishes and impart the same values upon them that you would. And assuming that you have someone in mind that you would like to act as a surrogate parent, will they be capable of taking this responsibility on.

One of my sisters and I recently spent time talking about this. We live on opposite coasts. She is on the Frigid East and I am out here in the Sunny West. Neither one of us is likely to pick up and move any time soon so if anything happened there is a good chance that the kids would find that their worlds had been turned upside down in every possible way.

Of course this is only a hypothetical, a worst case scenario that we hope never develops into any sort of twisted reality.

But you know the old saying, people plan and G-d laughs. As we head into another new year I ask again to be given the opportunity to see my job through. At a minimum I need another 100 years or so.

I’d like to meet my great-grandchildren. Is that so much to ask for.

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Potential Health Benefits of Blueberries

I thought that this article on WebMD was interesting.

In the study, presented at Experimental Biology 2009, researchers fed rats bred to become obese either a high-fat or low-fat diet enriched with whole blueberry powder or carbohydrates as 2% of their total diet.

After 90 days, the rats fed blueberries had less abdominal fat, lower cholesterol, and improved glucose control and insulin sensitivity. The latter two factors are markers of how well the body processes sugar for energy and are related to diabetes risk.

These health benefits of blueberries were evident in rats fed both high- and low-fat diets enriched with the blueberry powder. But the benefits were greatest among those who ate a low-fat diet.

In addition to the other heart health benefits of blueberries, those fed the low-fat blueberry diet also lost body weight and fat mass compared to those on the high-fat diet.

Although more research is needed to confirm these results in humans, a related study presented at the same conference showed that men with risk factors for heart disease who drank wild blueberry juice for three weeks seemed to experience slight improvements in glucose and insulin control.

Should You Be Scared about The Swine Flu

Take a look at this CNN story:

(CNN) — There had been no confirmed deaths in the United States related to swine flu as of Tuesday afternoon. But another virus had killed thousands of people since January and is expected to keep killing hundreds of people every week for the rest of the year.

That one? The regular flu.

An outbreak of swine flu that is suspected in more than 150 deaths in Mexico and has sickened dozens of people in the United States and elsewhere has grabbed the attention of a nervous public and of medical officials worried the strain will continue to mutate and spread.
Experts are nervous that, as a new strain, the swine flu will be harder to stop because there aren’t any vaccines to fight it.

But even if there are swine-flu deaths outside Mexico — and medical experts say there very well may be — the virus would have a long way to go to match the roughly 36,000 deaths that seasonal influenza causes in the United States each year.

“That happens on an annual basis,” Dr. Brian Currie said Tuesday. Currie is vice president and medical director at Montefiore Medical Center in Bronx, New York.”

Lose Weight With The Greatest Exercise Ever

One of the greatest sources of joy we have is our ability to help people. Every day we look for opportunities to help others, which is part of why we created the Useful Information category. And now I am pleased to share with you our latest discovery.

If you spend any time reading the news you know that America and the world at large is suffering from an obesity epidemic. Far too many of us have succumbed to the scourge of a few extra pounds. It is no secret to most of you that carrying some extra weight can cause a number of health issues.

Fortunately we have a solution for you. We have located an amazing piece of exercise equipment that you can use to help you shed those unwanted pounds. My friends, I am pleased to introduce you to the last piece of exercise equipment you are ever going to need to buy, the JumpSnap.

Every time I look at The JumpSnap I shake my head in frustration. Why didn’t I come up with the idea of developing a jump rope that comes without the rope. Finally there is a way to look like a jump rope pro without fear of tripping over the rope. No longer will you worry about being the only kid on town who can’t do the Double Dutch or crossover like Sugar Ray.

It really is amazing. But the fine folks who developed this amazing device left out one solid piece of advice. An exercise program such as this requires a great diet, which is why I recommend that in conjunction with the JumpSnap you enjoy the Wish Sandwich diet.

For those who have missed out on past reviews of useful products here is a list of links that you might find to be useful.

How to Make Hard Boiled Eggs
What Not to Do-Snakebites
The Cubicle Celebrates 40 Years
How Velcro Was Invented
My New Desk- I Have To Get One
London Restaurant Tries To Solve Gas Crisis
Who Wants To Buy An Artificial Foreskin
Untapped Sources of Energy
The Mangroomer
Business Cards That Will Get You Business
Medical Technology- The future is now
Inventions You have Got T0 Have (Includes the ladies urinal, toilet forehead support system and much more.)
The Nose Pouch
How Much Would it Cost To Build The Death Star