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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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  • About Jack
    • Other Places You Can Find Me
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Random Thoughts

Harry Nilsson Doesn’t Care

April 11, 2020 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

Harry Nilsson doesn’t care that I started this post while listening to what Apple Music calls his essentials and then moved to Gordon Lightfoot and not because he is dead.

Rather it is because I can’t imagine he ever would have stumbled across this place so he would never know about it.

But if he did find it I think he’d be more focused on my having included him in the headline and the post, that is better than not being included, even if you are featured on a smaller joint.

Lost In Her Loving

I’d argue it is far better to get lost in her loving than to never know what that is like.

Even if said love is removed and you feel like the sky has gone dark or the moon has chosen to hide you know something.

That is the sort of experience you never forget because if you get wrapped up in that warmth you have been through something life-changing.

I know a guy who told me he would give it all up because having loved and lost was too damn painful, but I told him he is a fool.

He told me I was the real fool and that you never get it back and I shook my head.

I know better.

Sometimes you get her back and you get another shot, sometimes you don’t.

The focal point ought to be how you learned you can fly and don’t have to settle for being earthbound.

It can present some painful moments when your wings have been clipped but the knowledge of what is possible or trying to discover what is possible is part of the scientific spirit.

There are no advances without a willingness to explore and to dig a little bit.

What Words Will You Use To Speak?

The same guy asked me what made me so certain.

I told him I had kissed a certain girl a thousand times and never tired of it.

“It always felt like we had the most intimate conversations without words, but we spoke.”

“How did you know?”

“I didn’t know in the ‘traditional’ sense, I knew in my gut. And even when we were apart I always felt like we could pick up and resume where we left or even take it to a deeper level because of life experience. If she agreed to let me pepper her pike, well I would absolutely think about it.”

“You’d think about it? Why not just do it?”

“Sometimes it is good for her to hear no. Let her remember it is a true partnership, if we let it be. There is a level of trust that makes the physical work in a different way. It is all based upon the communication because when we let do the depth is unmatched.”

“You make it sound like someone is holding back now.”

“Maybe one of us, maybe both of us or maybe none of us.”

“You are not going to tell me, are you?”

“Nope, that is our business and you aren’t part of ‘our’ are you.”

I laughed and he smiled.

“Well, you ought to tell her what you think about your business. She might be waiting for you to speak.”

“Yeah, she might or she might already know. Maybe she’d prefer not to hear about any of it or maybe she really is waiting.”

“Did anyone tell you that you are a pain-in-the-ass and that you refuse to answer questions.”

“No. Not one single person.  :D”

One Step Into The Unknown

Part of me very much wants to hide out in my castle and wait for the chaos and confusion to pass. Part of me wonders if we have really touched upon it or it is trapped inside Pandora’s box waiting to be set free.

Had a situation develop on the job side that has wreaked a bit of havoc. Had a call that can only be described as a brutal beating that left me incensed because it wasn’t my fault.

I think that is understood by the important people but it doesn’t make me feel good.

Nor does getting some assignments that I don’t understand well. If I am going to work on something I want to do a good job and this feels a little loosey-goosey to me.

So I am going to have to draw on a little reserve of courage and push on. That is all I can do.

Filed Under: Life, Random Thoughts

Blogging Is A Game

December 21, 2017 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

I was a 35-year-old homeowner with two small kids who played around with moving out of LA but wasn’t particularly serious about it.

Sure, I talked about moving to Jerusalem but I promised my wife that we could put that off until after the kids were out of the house so that was more of a dream than reality.

Then came the idea about selling the house and moving to Texas but I wasn’t so sure about it.

I liked the idea of being able to sell my house in LA and using the cash to buy something much larger and nicer in Texas.

Hell, I loved the thought of being able to do that and still have a nice chunk of cash in the bank.

That seemed practical and smart, but it also was a little frightening and not something I was real sure of.

Didn’t matter that I was somewhat familiar with Texas, I was a creature of habit and liked my comfort zone.

Fast forward almost 14 years and the house I was hesitant about selling is long gone.

I fought with Wells Fargo about trying to refinance and they laughed at my desperation, all courtesy of the Great Recession.

Jack the high flyer went from the top of the pile to the bottom.

Lifestyle Changes

We went from ample cash and kids in private school to just scraping by.

Vacations disappeared and the savings that I worked hard to accumulate went along with everything else.

Most of it was taken in an effort to save that aforementioned house and for a long while Old Jack was a very angry man.

It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair and it was hard not to be bitter. Hard not to kick myself for not having pushed to sell the damn place earlier when we could have walked away with plenty instead of nothing.

But that is how life goes and instead of living in LA mulling over whether it might be easier to live elsewhere we are in Texas.

Hell, this is my second time around living in Texas, so technically I have lived here for about 2.5 years.

So maybe this is how it was always going to be and the only question was when would I end up here.

Maybe.

****

Enough time has passed for me not to be pissed off at what could have or should have been and most of the time I am pretty happy with how life is now.

But it took some doing to get here.


Blogging Is A Game

I go back and forth between being the grumpy old man who is outraged about how many hacks blog for the swag and free trips and the guy who accepts blogging is a game.

Some days I want to do nothing but scream about it but considering I have done the product reviews, taken some of the trips and played the game it would be hypocritical.

Maybe it is jealousy. Maybe I am sorry I haven’t had the same success as others or maybe it is just my grumpy nature.

Maybe I am happier having something to complain about.

I don’t think I was always like this, hell I know I wasn’t.

Things happened, life happened and I changed.

If it wasn’t for blogging I might not be able to see it so clearly.

If it wasn’t for writing these thoughts down where I can revisit them I might not be able to track it.

Maybe some of these changes wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t gone through what I went through, or maybe they would have.

Hell, I ended up in Texas anyway, so maybe the 35-year-old was always going to turn into a grumpy almost 50 year-old.

Maybe.

Blogging is a game, play it well.

Filed Under: Random Thoughts

A Writer Shares A Thought

July 25, 2016 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

Beams of sunlight are supposed to gently rouse your body from its slumber, but that is not always how it goes.

Maybe that is why some people use blackout shades or do things to help ease their way into a wakeful state.
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I am not really looking out at the mountains or staring at the beach below.

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I wish I was staring at either of those places and that I was the writer who had enough money and or resources to set up shop wherever I want to.

It is not because I think it would bestow magical powers upon my skills as a writer and storyteller.

No, it is a simple and selfish reason.

Because I think it would be cool and because my imagination tells me if I could afford to do that I would be a happier and more peaceful person.

It is a theory I’d like to test one day but I have a sneaking suspicion there is no truth to it.

Money and resources may ease some of my concerns but they are unlikely tofix all of them

It Won’t Make More People Read

It won’t make more people read my words here or at TheJackB.

Might make it easier to promote and reach more potential readers, but it is not going to make them stick around.

That doesn’t happen without providing interesting, engaging and entertaining content.

I know from experience that this is not a theory and that a good imagination can help take you a long way so maybe it is not really a big deal to not have those resources.

But damn, it sure would be nice not to have to worry about paying the bills once in a while.

Filed Under: Random Thoughts, Writing

Words You Won’t Read

December 31, 2011 by Jack Steiner 19 Comments

I wanted to call this post 2011- The Year of The Motherfucker but then I thought that it might be better to write 2011- You Were a Real Motherfucker.

As you can see I opted not to use either headline and not because I was concerned that I would scare away the millions of brands that are pounding down my door demanding that I become one of their ambassadors. Nope, I like Words You Won’t Read better because it is more accurate.

That is not because I don’t have legions of readers who hang on my every word because I do and let me tell you that it is not always easy to have groupies. Groupies still think for themselves and sometimes that means that they do don’t as I wish they would. Minions are different.

Minions don’t think to do anything other than your bidding and that is kind of cool. But you have to be careful about that because as Uncle Ben Parker said, “With great power comes great responsibility.” Of course that didn’t prevent him from getting shot and killed but we won’t talk about that now.

Instead I am going to share a few thoughts with you.

  • I am waiting for my pals at Headway Themes to finish tweaking things so that I can migrate to the current version. That might involve small changes or it might involve big changes. I don’t know.
  • It makes me crazy to see how many of the videos I have embedded here are gone because something happened on YouTube’s end.
  • It makes me crazy to see how many broken links develop over time. That is just a hassle that I prefer not to deal with.

I am listening to Ray Charles sing “Mess Around” and dancing in my chair. When I am not dancing I am pretending to play my keyboard as if it is a piano. I keep hitting the keys and creating new words that look  like gr-0uyghu-prfv and 0ifv80f4hr0cjw vnpln.

More than twenty years ago I worked at a camp outside of Toronto. We tried to convince the Canadians that “Combrodonate” was a word that everyone in LA was using and that it would be really cool if they did too. Most didn’t do it. I blame it on a short guy from cleveland named Mark who said that he had a cousin in LA and he had never heard anyone use it before.

Mark was an obnoxious prick. I asked him if he suffered from smoke inhalation back home. He pretended not to know what I was talking about, but I know he got it. Really, what clevelander isn’t going to acknowledge that the river bursts into flames every hour. It is sort of like their version of Old Faithful, except one is a natural geyser and the other was created by a bunch of guys…er…

I think that I am having more fun writing this story than I ever have. There is a point and a purpose to it that fuel my passion. All those ‘p’s make me proud.

Blog posts don’t have to have a purpose. Some people will read your prose because your passion is your purpose and that is the point of it all. I have written about 550 posts this year, give or take a few. Most were written because I had words that refused to remain bound inside my head.

Passion, point and purpose. I like those three words. I appreciate how by simply rearranging the order in which we use we can provide new meaning and intent.

Going to sign off now. In a few hours I’ll find out if these really were words you won’t read or not.

Filed Under: Random Thoughts

PETA Doesn’t Like My Recipe For Cooking The Easter Bunny

April 20, 2011 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

A number of years ago I wrote a post with my favorite recipe for cooking the Easter Bunny. For a time it was among the most highly trafficked pages in the blog and then things got a little bit ugly. First there were nasty emails about my posts on Santa. They moved from there onto a discussion of why The Salvation Army Bell Ringer doesn’t like me and suggested that maybe I am cheap because I don’ t like Tip Jars.

They told me that I am rude, obnoxious and uncaring. I made a point to respond with a note that said that two out of three isn’t bad.

But old Jack has a thick skin and a hard head so I persevered and kept on blogging away. I didn’t let the turmoil or tumult stop me from banging out new posts. Never took my eye off of the prize, not even when I received a letter from the Bugs Bunny Rabbit Preservation Society stating that I had been deemed a menace to society and marked as public enemy number one. Do you really think I worry about wascally wabbits that probably can’t wead. No fear here, no sir. I figured that even if they did find me I would find a way out of it. I have been stuck in bigger pickles.

Not to mention that as a child of the ’70s I am well versed in various forms of self defense. For example, Mel the Chef on Alice always said that the best defense is a good offense. He also said “dingy” a lot and a number of other things. Not to mention that he never let that sassy server Flo get to him. She must have told him to “kiss her grits” a million times. Come to think of it that is something that might have caused old Mel to get into trouble. Certainly he couldn’t say such a thing to fellow workers or employees today.

Just imagine what would happen if he did that today. How embarrassing would it be to be deposed by an attorney in a sexual harassment suit for telling someone to “kiss your grits” or to be berated on the stand for calling someone “dingy.” It might not be as upsetting as having Shirley from What’s Happening insult you, but that is a can of worms for a different day.

Today I am focused on the sad and sordid tale about what happened when PETA discovered my recipe for cooking The Easter Bunny. Â It started with a nasty note that was written on letterhead that had pictures of dead chickens on it. They told me that what I had done was wrong and shameful. They said that it was terrible to take such a stand towards a helpless animal. I sent them a response saying that I didn’t understand why they weren’t working as advocates for the International Union of Easter Bunnies.  I asked them why they didn’t represent the poor rabbits who were forced to work in sweatshops painting eggs or those who were paid slave wages to deliver those eggs in baskets.

Apparently they don’t care about the workers in the animal world. They don’t care whether they receive a decent wage, have scheduled breaks or humane conditions. No sir, unless these animals are at risk of being eaten they don’t have a damn thing to say.

They don’t care if you have an award winning recipe for Easter Bunny. It doesn’t matter if the finest chefs in Europe cook it or if the chief of the Em Etib tribe in the Amazon spared your life because you cooked it for him. Nope, they will come after you with both barrels blazing and an army of attorneys paid for with donations from strung out Hollywood starlets. And though I am fearless and never give up a fight this is one that I had to walk away from.

I just didn’t have the cash to fight it. I haven’t ever been a successful sitcom/movie/rock star whose career has hit rock bottom and has consequently been forced to star in some cheesy reality television show. I am not an heir to a fortune. I grew up cooking and cleaning for myself so I couldn’t star in some silly show where I try to do simple jobs and make a fool of myself because I don’t know how to pump gas. Donald Trump won’t put me on the Celebrity Apprentice show and talk about what a great fan of mine he is. Although I really wish that he would so I could tell some silly stories about kites, kids and parents.

The point is that sadly I had to agree to remove my award winning recipe from my blog. Oh the shame of it all.

Filed Under: Narishkeit, Random Thoughts

The Many Layers of Hell

April 8, 2011 by Jack Steiner 6 Comments

I can’t remember who said that there are many levels of Hell, but I know that there are many and that I have been to at least a couple. The Department of Motor Vehicles, The Mall during the holidays and most recently Costco and Trader Joe’s market on a Sunday afternoon.

It is common knowledge among the intellectual elite that venturing to a Trader Joe’s, home of Two Buck Chuck vintage wines and fine cheeses will involve solving a puzzle that is a prerequisite for entrance into Mensa. It is called parking. Some sick man/woman in their corporate office gleefully searches for store locations that cannot support the traffic that the store will bring, or so it seems.

I conducted an unscientific survey in which I drove to four stores and then polled the people there and the three dogs that were tied up in front of the stores about this. All of them agree that parking at any Trader Joe’s is an exercise in treachery and guile best left to politicians or those of low moral fiber.

But food is the way to my heart, next to the miles of veins and arteries interred inside my body and I decided that my family required sustenance. As the hunter-gatherer in the household I was required by nature to dare to traverse the challenges that this entailed.

So I ask the dear reader, was I just fool hardy on this errand or is it poor customer service to ask your customers to engage in demolition derby so that they can frequent your store in hopes of buying food. All I know is that the experience in the parking lot was merely a warm-up for what was waiting inside. As I approached the store I grabbed a shopping cart and bravely entered, armed for bear and ready for hand-to-hand combat.

Needless to say I was not surprised to find aisles packed with hungry shoppers all of whom had the same shopping list as I. Who would have thought that we all needed cheese, soy milk, crackers, cereal, chocolate, wine, juice and produce, more specifically blueberries. The same evil executive who designed the parking lot was surely chuckling as we banged and bounced off of each others carts and bodies. In my younger days I would have enjoyed the adventure, but now it just rubbed me raw.

After what felt like days I managed to check out and take my purchases home for deposit into the refrigerator and cupboards. But something in my skull must have been jarred during this experience, because I knew that my shopping was not done. Now I had to run the gauntlet and go to Costco.

You Must Run The Gauntlet

Costco, another parking nightmare not unlike Trader Joe’s, but on a much larger scale. Costco, where I knew that the primitives would lose their minds and trample me and small children in the fight to get the free sample of the seafood dip or the greasy slice of pizza. Costco where you go broke saving money by purchasing two tons of toilet paper at a time.

The good news is that you’ll never worry about wiping, but you may worry about wiping out your checkbook. That is assuming of course that you can get a parking space without being overcome by road rage. And assuming that you manage to win the fight to maintain composure there is still the very real chance that you may succumb to some other malady, some other shopping rage. There is only so much one person can take. You can’t be bumped and pushed a hundred times or prevented from reading the description of that new fruit drink they are offering. Heaven forbid, you might miss out on taking advantage of the deep discount they offer for a trough of butter.

Why oh why do the folks in Kirkland not understand that we want, no must have parking attendants in the lot, turn signals on the carts and signal lights on the aisles. How much more bruising can a person’s lower back take before Kirkland understands that shopping carts need padding.

Because the tragedy of this is that while you can shop at both of these stores online you cannot squeeze the pears, nor smell the sausage or appreciate the scent of a good melon. There are still some challenges that technology has yet to overcome. Oh the humanity of it all.

Filed Under: Humor, Random Thoughts

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