The 9832nd Greatest Blog Post You’ll Never Read

These are days we are going to remember because we have left the comforts of what is known and headed straight into the wilds.

Can’t say if we collectively knew the fleet was going to sail straight from the harbor into the storm but some of us suspected it.

Doesn’t mean we were or are any smarter than any one else or that our sixth sense was pinging because I don’t speak for the collective.

What I know is the man in office bothered me long before he got there because his brusque manner and attitude isn’t something I want in a leader.

But we only have so much control of what happens and who gets to lead and after that we are given the gift of managing our response.

The 9832nd Greatest Blog Post You’ll Never Read

You have hardly seen hide nor hair of me around here because I have been distracted with the things that life brings us, those we want and those we don’t.

It has been part of the great roller coaster because there have been some exceptionally good moments and I have shown the world my broadest and brightest smile.

But there have been some hard ones too, the biggest challenge I have ever had as a father and at times I have felt like I was trapped between the anvil and the hammer.

Moments, where I wondered how I was ever going to catch my breath long enough to help fix what is broken.

Moments, where I wondered what I did wrong and battled myself to stop asking questions that can’t be answered and are immaterial because the horse took off as soon as the barn door opened.

We’re a year into this crazy ride and I don’t always write about it for a host of reasons but it doesn’t mean it hasn’t taken up residence in my head.

Sometimes I see a miniature Winston Churchill in my mind, talking to me, encouraging me and promising me that this too shall pass.

He is right, it will.

But some days it is really…fucking…hard.

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Sometimes I think it is good that Google slapped my site with the penalty and that my SEO has gone to hell here.

It makes it easier not to worry about whether anyone is reading it.

Aw hell, who am I kidding, I never cared much about it and I have written regardless whether there was one or many readers.

Running Down A Dream

Blogging taught me long ago that if I want to build an engaged readership I need to engage, entertain and educate.

It also taught me that the more honest I was with you about what was going on there more honest and engaged you’d be with me.

Though I know these things to be true I haven’t been good for a long while about engaging the way I used to.

I don’t comment very often anymore on other blogger’s posts and I have been reticent to do more than hint at certain other personal things in my life.

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In the midst of the battles and challenges I have been focused on running down a dream and if my gut knows a damn thing I am getting closer to where I want to be.

It reminds me a lot of not the first kiss I once shared but one that came a good while after.

She and I had been together multiple times so I thought I knew what to expect but something happened.

Something inside my head clicked and I realized I had just tasted life.

We pulled away and smiled at each other and I knew without asking she understood. That was when she gave herself to me and I knew I had crossed the Rubicon but in the best of senses.

Shared Experiences

One of my goals is for someone else to have that taste of life experience and or revelation.

I can’t say for certain but I suspect it will open their eyes and that it will bring a level of joy back into their life.

I think they’ll begin to really live again.

Don’t ask me for details or encourage me to share more because it is an unformed thought and I fear trying to force it to take shape.

This needs to be held like water in the palm of your hand because some things can’t be led, pushed or made into being.

All you can do is shine a light on opportunity and hope.

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Meanwhile, the fleet is sailing through the storm and I have to focus on making sure the ships I am responsible for are safe.

Alone in my kayak I paddle through the rough and do my best to manage it all, haven’t drowned yet…

A Sunday Morning Special

They had sworn a blood vow to never let go of each other and had done the things that they could to ensure that it would last.

But that was then and this is now.

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Life is nothing but a series of moments in time set against the backdrop of the people who share them. It was a lesson that Johnny had learned all too well. There had been moments of triumph and moments of tragedy. He had tales of sorrow, had gained and garnered more than a few scars.

That is what happens when you live and love. Sometimes you come out of these moments feeling like you are a one armed boxer punching at the breeze and sometimes you come out carrying the grand prize. The trick and the challenge lies in recognizing those moments for what they are.

I wrote those words on a different blog many years ago, but they feel familiar today so they have been unpacked and aired out.

Something is off today, something isn’t right and I am a bit off center but I haven’t quite figured out the how or why of it.

The not knowing irks me more than the feeling because if I understood it I might find it easier to let it come and pass over/through me.

My best guess is it is tied into the ample pile of stuff I have on my plate now.

A Sunday Morning Special

Texas has been a mixed bag so far and while I have no regrets about making the move it has been more challenging than I expected.

There are things happening that I didn’t anticipate that have created some significant bumps in the road and that may be the primary source of my distress.

Those unsought and unexpected hiccups have me shaking my head wondering how they crept up on me.

Did excitement blind me or were they just part of stuff I never could have anticipated, moments that just happen.

The best-laid plans often go astray.

Or maybe this feeling of bleah is tied into the list of chores I have to do and my desire not to spend Sunday cleaning and washing.

Sometimes it is easier to think about starting over than trying to clean up, clear up and clear out.

I have made a point to remind myself and to think about whether this is a real storm or just a cloud that is covering my sunlight.

Not going to lie and say it is as easy as that and that with the snap of my fingers all the stress just disappears because it isn’t and it doesn’t.

But I can say the benefit of taking the time to write, sift and sort through it all has had the desired effect of clearing up a few things.

Guess I ought to hit the cleaning for a bit and then go hit the gym and see if that doesn’t clear up the rest of this Sunday Morning Special.

783 Reasons Why Family Photos Make Me Crazy

That is not my favorite picture of Jerusalem but it comes from a free stock photo site and it works as part of my introduction.

Works because if you are like me you have a ton of photos that were taken using film, printed out and placed into albums.

And yet you also have a ton of digital photos floating around, some of which was printed out and placed into albums and some of which has been uploaded and left in the cloud.

Did I mention the benefit of having moved five or six times in 10 years is that some things have been placed in boxes and haven’t been seen in years.

In theory those items should be eliminated from our personal inventory of crap really important stuff and given away, except some of those items are photo albums.

Photos are important to me and I am not going to get rid of the albums, even if sixty of them are filled with the photos you take of your first born.

aboutphotos

Swimmers, Pictures and Bat Mitzvahs

Saturday rolls around and my daughter is flipping through a stack of photo albums, soft giggles lead to cackling and I know she is staring at old photos from junior high or high school.

I tell her we are pulling out the boxes because we need to get rid of stuff and aren’t supposed to stare at pictures.

She tells me how silly she thinks we look in some of our school photos and I tell her one day her kids will tell her that the ‘V’ for Victory’ hand gesture kids make now will be seen as dated and stupid too.

“Whatever dad, you and your 80s talk.”

I smile and tell her to just wait.

“OMG dad, you weren’t kidding. You had hair and you were ripped.”

I walk back over and see pictures from my swim team days. She has come across photos I had forgotten about and for a moment I go back 30 years.

“Dad, my Bat Mitzvah is coming next year. I want you to get in shape for it.”

I look at her and ask her if I embarrass her. I have that dad bod, it is not what I want but it is not nearly as bad as a bunch of the guys.

She tells me she isn’t embarrassed by how I look physically but wants to make sure I am healthy and around for as long as possible.

It is not a ridiculous comment or request and when you look at pictures of me at 17 and compare them to the present, well, I look like a slug.

But her words hit me more because of my own ego and feelings about where I am at now and because sometimes I look at family photos and shake my head because I am not pleased with what I see.

That never used to be me.

Truth is there are about six people whose opinion might matter to me about this, but the guy at the top of the list is the one I see staring back at me.

783 Reasons Why Family Photos Make Me Crazy

The 17 long time readers will tell you there probably aren’t anywhere close to 783 reasons why family photos make me crazy and they would be right.

At the moment there is one major one and several smaller ones.

The smaller ones are pretty basic, got a teenager who doesn’t like taking pictures and tries to avoid being in them whenever he can.

Add in the need to organize things and to find a way to integrate the digital stuff with film shots that have been printed and you have the highlights of the minor ones.

What Does That Leave?

It leaves a lack of photos taken on vacations and trips we have taken because we haven’t done as much of that as I want to.

Haven’t done as much as I did when I was a kid and it bothers me.

The reason is simple…it is financial.

I just haven’t had the cash to do what I have wanted to do with the sort of frequency that would make me happy.

It is part of why I have taken a very active role in changing things so that this is not an ongoing theme.

The good news is that if I can make this happen the way I think and hope to it will be a series of things they remember.

And one day when we talk about the last ten years or so I’ll tell them about how we did a lot when they were really little and then went through a more challenging decade or so.

I’ll tell them to look at the time that followed and smile because there will be a series of good memories tied into it.

My focus is on collecting experiences because those can’t be taken from you, but possessions, well they can.

And now my friends I am off to exercise, got to do something about getting myself in better shape. Not because of the pictures but because of me, because I want it.

That is the key in most things, wanting it and a willingness to do what it takes to get it.

Sometimes Writers Lack Perspective

Writers do lack perspective and there are moments where we get so caught up in our own lives we get lost in the story we are supposed to be writing.

If I had time I could illustrate it in detail here but I don’t have the luxury of doing that now, perhaps I will later.

Perhaps I’ll figure out how to dig a giant hole and harvest extra time that I can use for myself and or sell to make millions.

Wouldn’t have to be priced very high at all, it would be sold in great volume and then maybe we’d all have time to slow down and see where we are at.

Time to breathe, look, listen and remember.

Captain Of My Tale

I plan on coming back later to write a longer piece that will satisfy my need to write, but for now I can’t.

This is all the time I have and I am making the best use of it I can, satisfying the giant master inside my skull that demands I put words on the page.

Told the kids we are going to be moving again soon because we are and though it is unexpected I plan on making it the next step to bigger and better.

I plan on being the captain of my tale.

But that tale is still being written and for the moment these are all the words we can put to page. Sometimes you have to just write and then move on.

That is how life is, you just do and just go and hope that doing and going have more value than just being and breathing.

Purpose.

Today is the first day in the next step of living with purpose.

My intention has been set and my goal visualized.

Time is up.

The Last Words Of A Dying Man

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I didn’t wake up in the morning and the words you found here or upon my other blogs were deemed the last I ever said.

Don’t misunderstand that to mean that I am concerned about whether I’ll open my eyes come morning because I am not concerned.

Maybe it is because I can look upon 17103 consecutive days of life above ground.

Maybe it is because that is 2443.3 weeks of outrunning and outwitting the bony dude some people call the Grim Reaper.

Or maybe it is because I know things and I know it is not my time…yet.

The Last Words Of A Dying Man

There are some people who describe each day we live as being one step closer to death. If I chose to look at life in similar terms it might not be an exaggeration to say these could be the last words of a dying man.

And since most of us don’t have a solid idea when that bony dude will ask to punch our ticket there are those who say we should live each day as if it is our last.

They say that we should be cautious in our speech so that if this current round should be our last those we love will have only good words floating in their memories.

Because most people prefer that the final conversation with their loved ones isn’t something stupid and trivial.

“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.”
― Rudyard Kipling

Children Of A Certain Age

When you are the parent of a children of a certain age you think about these things more frequently because there are more moments where they try your patience than when they are little.

It is much easier to forgive a three-year-old for pushing and prodding than to let it go with the teenager who is old enough to understand why you said no.

You don’t get as pissed off with the 5-year-old for acting their age as you do with the 13-year-old because you know they are willfully and intentionally doing something to make you angry.

It is part of why blogging changes as your family ages.

You may own all that happens to you and have the right to write about it but you also earn the privilege of dealing with whatever chaos you help to create as a result of it.

The Change Is Coming

If you believe the mystics and prophets of the world then you know that what you seek may very well find you.

Maybe it happens because of the so called law of attraction, maybe coincidence and or dumb luck.

I don’t know if it really matters, ask me when it is not almost 2 AM and maybe I’ll have a better answer than I don’t know for you.

What I can tell you is that for a while now I have felt change looming in the distance.

Can’t tell you what sort of change other than it feels quite large and  something about it makes me uncomfortable and antsy.

Anticipation—never my favorite thing.

But as time has passed I have gotten better at being patient and rolling with whatever changes are thrown my way.

Whitman is right.

behappynow