You can call me one of those silly bloggers who has wasted time chasing traffic, worrying about comments, stats and whether I would be discovered as the next great writer.
It fits with a life where I have been both the hero and the fool and whatever lies in between.
Daughter snapped a picture of me and I wondered who the monster in the photo was, a middle-aged man who had no hair, huge hands and a dumb expression on his face.
Shook my head, told myself I ought to be kinder or willing to do the work it takes to change what I saw and snorted.
There are no shortcuts for making the big changes we seek to make in life or in blogging.
Traffic has been booming here, not because I was discovered but because a sponsored post I wrote has been promoted by the people that paid for the prose.
It has led to some noticeable increases in a few places but the book and movie deal haven’t materialized yet nor have I been pleasantly surprised by the support of a patron of the arts.
Yet hope springs eternal that said patron will appear with million dollar check in hand or agent with contract contact me.
In a world of instant gratification the improbable becomes possible.
Sometimes you have to look back at the past and write about it because it helps you make sense of who you are, what you are doing and where you want to go.
Sometimes you read those posts and remember why you write and what your focus should be upon and use the words to identify your true thoughts and feelings.
That is how I recognized the real dichotomy of my life as it stands now.
In some ways it is far better than it has been in years, there are reasons why today is a 1000 times better than it was last year.
There are reasons why it lends ample hope to continued improvement and a better future but there is a piece of me that isn’t satisfied and unsettled.
It took some real introspection for me to figure out the source of that and why it made me angry.
The answer is that even though things are so much better than before I feel a bit like I am in a canoe with no oars and the current is leading me where it chooses to go and not where I want it to take me.
Could I just smile and be happy with what I have got?
Not this time, not like this.
If I did it would be like an addict swearing they are only going to take one sip this time.
When your ship sinks and you fight a raging sea to get to shore you spend time recovering from your fight and appreciating your life but you don’t forget that you are trapped thousands of miles from home.
Silly Bloggers Keep Wasting Your Time
I suppose I could get lost in chasing traffic and trying to get more than the next guy. I could focus my frustration on some people not being able to comment here and all of the other crap that bloggers go through.
But I am happiest when I ignore those feelings and stop chasing the Will O’ Wisp. I am at my best as a writer when I push myself to just let go and write.
I tell the kids all the time to not get caught measuring themselves against others because it is never a level playing field and it is never something that makes you feel good.
Some always have more, doesn’t matter whether it is deserved or not, they do and some have less.
The World Cup & My Daughter
Haven’t decided yet if I will make this a separate post or not, but damn did I have fun watching the World Cup with my daughter.
She has been playing since she was 4.5 (she’ll be 11) this month and she loves the game.
I love watching her play and when she made the All-Star team this last year I couldn’t have been more proud of her.
Don’t get me wrong, I would be proud of her regardless but she put in extra time and effort to make this happen and I was pleased to see her rewarded.
And I was thrilled to see how excited she got watching these women play their hearts out and to have her see the possibilities of the future.
To see that sports isn’t just the province of boys and to see people come together to cheer and celebrate for women as loudly as we do for the men.