Archives for May 2013

Can You Deliver A Heartfelt Apology While Juggling?

May 14, 2013 by Jack Steiner 8 Comments

The title of this shot is I’m open for you. It is both interesting and appropriate for the moment.

I took big chunk of work home this evening and tried to take care of that and respond to questions a dear friend had for me. Intermixed with all this I called a friend to express my condolences at the death of his father-in-law and spoke to my children several different times.

It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say I was juggling multiple things and multiple people. Nor would it be wrong to say that my friend and I managed to aggravate each other. If you asked me for a simple explanation I would say it was because we talked past each other and didn’t hear what the other said.

Can You Deliver A Heartfelt Apology While Juggling?

The answer is probably no. You can’t focus on the person and tell them you are sorry when you are doing multiple things at once.

If I could I would look them in the eye right now and say I am sorry that I upset them and would hope they would take two things from it:

My sincerity.
My growth.

Here is the deal, I don’t like apologizing, I never have. It is not necessarily something I am good at, but I have been working at it. So I would hope they would recognize that I am not apologizing just to do so nor am I asking that they recognize my “growth” because I am asking for “points or anything like that.

It is more of a comment in some ways that many things have changed in a lot of areas on both sides and many of them are quite good.

And from a different angle my growth has made it easier for me to apologize without feeling like I am being wronged in the process. It might sound juvenile but part of why I didn’t like apologizing was I hated being made to feel like I had to do so to move on when I felt like I hadn’t done anything wrong.

What About This Time?

This time they asked for information from me and I didn’t feel like I could give it to them easily so I asked to do things in a slightly different way. And then as talked past each other and grew irritated I lost sight of an opportunity.

You see if I hadn’t been juggling I would have figured out how to provide more of answer that they would have found satisfying. But because I was juggling I saw things in a more linear perspective and felt like I wouldn’t be able to explain things the way I wanted to.

The funny thing about this is that I very much want to tell them the entire story. I want them to hear all of the details so this is not a matter of my trying to be difficult, insouciant or anything other than forthcoming.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line or net result is really case of good intentions gone awry. It turned what had been a very pleasant exchange into something annoying for both of us. So this is me saying I am sorry for that.

I’ll take responsibility for this time and for what happened. I would prefer to apologize in person, but that is not possible at the moment so this is what I have got.

I am sorry.

The 132nd Best Posts About Blogging

May 14, 2013 by Jack Steiner 5 Comments

Yeah, it is not Monday anymore. It is Tuesday morning but that sort of sums up what kind of Monday it was in some regards. One of these days we’ll have to have a conversation about the value and importance of having someone you trust to talk to about anything.

In the interim we’ll use the goofy headline above to talk about blog tricks we long time bloggers use when we’re short on time. This post is a good example.

I don’t have enough time to write the way I want to but I need to put something new up. So what I am doing is grabbing a selection of posts about blogging and encouraging people to read them.

When you have built some trust with your readers this works pretty well and it also gives you a chance to breathe new life into posts that have been collecting dust in the archives.

Ready? Here We go:

Posts That Will Help You Become A Better Writer/Blogger

Back later my friends. Share your thoughts and comments. And yes, I still want to be James Bond.

Bits And Pieces Of Life

May 12, 2013 by Jack Steiner 10 Comments

Forty-Two and Forty-three weren’t particularly good birthdays and there was a moment where I wondered if forty-four was going to imitate the previous two but things took a turn I went to bed with a big smile on my face.

It wasn’t the perfect ending but I don’t know that I could have told you exactly what that would have been and I am ok with that. I kind of enjoy and appreciate how predictably unpredictable life can be and have grown accustomed to just rolling with things.

Forty-four years has taught me a lot about life and how much can change in a moment. I have seen friends humbled by moments no one expected and stood graveside as we buried brothers, sisters, moms and dads.

The experiences have changed me and I am not who I once was. Don’t take that as me sounding wistful or upset because I am not. These experiences as the cliche goes truly have helped to make me who I am.

It is how I learned 567 Ways To Tell A Better Story.

Life Happens

Life happens and you take your experiences to build stories you might one day turn into a book. You write about characters and questions and ask yourself if you are telling a good story or not.

You wonder if people appreciate the story about how you knew Sister Mary in the biblical sense and how you helped make her see god. Not everyone can say that nor can they talk about how they made the atheist reconsider their position and not because your hands were on their hips.

Sometimes you just write because it is what you love to do and you figure those who enjoy it will keep hanging around and those who don’t will leave no matter what you do.

That is ok, people come and people go.

Let ‘Em In

It has been aÂ Paul McCartney weekend. Been listening to Band on The Run and Let ‘Em since last night for no other reason than I heard the songs in my head. Heard a few others too and listened to them as well.

Sometimes I think of a song and I go listen because I am curious.

Some people would say it is the universe sending me a message while others classify it in a different way. As for me, well I don’t spend a ton of time wondering or worrying about why the songs pop into my head.

I love music and I find it is a very useful tool for writing. It helps set a tone and spurs my imagination. Sometimes a song will remind me of something or someone and I use that as inspiration for some of my fiction.

Goodbye MCA

It is almost a year since MCA died. Can’t say I was ever the biggest Beastie Boys fan but I have a million memories tied up in a few of those songs and let’s face it Adam Yauch was a contemporary and musician.

But unlike other musicians he didn’t kill himself or die from a drug overdose. His death was different because of that.

And now I have some links to share with whomever wishes to read them:

Got to run now For The Night Is Dark and Full or Terrors. Be good kids, Winter is Coming.

Too Much Information- The Girl in the Men’s Room

May 10, 2013 by Jack Steiner 26 Comments

Technically this post ran four years ago but in light of a recent conversation with my daughter it seemed appropriate to run it again. My daughter was five when this event took place.

If I didn’t have children I might have to go out and buy a few if for no other reason than they provide endless amounts of blog fodder. Sometimes I read through old posts about them and find myself laughing hysterically at the things I find.

Anyhoo, there has been an ongoing discussion with the children about what is appropriate to discuss with others. The few readers who know me well recognize that this is sort of a foreign thing to me. I am not a formal type of guy. I like to take a laid back and easy going approach. That is a fancy way of saying that I am not a prude.

However child rearing requires teaching those rascals many different things so that they have the skills to interact with anyone. So we work with them on manners and try to make sure that they know how to behave like civilized people as opposed to the crazed wild animals they sometimes imitate.

Allow me to provide an example. The dark haired beauty recently accompanied me on a trip to Target. While there I was greeted by the results of seven cups of coffee and had to make a quick trip to the men’s room. Initially she was less than happy about this, at five years old she is very clear on which side she thinks she belongs on.

Dad: It is ok to go in with me.
Daughter: No it isn’t. I am a girl.

Dad: Yes, I know but you still have to come in.
Daughter: I am not a boy.

Dad: I know, but I have to pee and you can’t stand outside by yourself.
Daughter: They’ll see me in there and I don’t like it.

Dad: So close your eyes while you are inside.
Daughter: I can’t. Someone might pee on me.

Dad: Trust me, they won’t.
Daughter: Dad, boys don’t know how to aim. They pee on the seat.

Dad: I don’t and I am not going to use the toilet.
Daughter: You can’t go in your pants.

Dad: I am not going to. I am going to use the urinal.
Daughter: Can I use it too?

Dad: No. It is not for girls.
Daughter: That is not fair! I want to use it!

Dad: When you see it you’ll understand why you can’t use it.
Daughter: Can’t you wait until we get home.

Dad: Not this time. We’re going in.
Daughter: Ok.

With that we walked inside and I took the lay of the land. Two stalls were occupied so even if I wanted to use them I could not. I headed over to the urinal on the far side and stationed the dark haired beauty next to the sink.

And then this next exchange took place.

Dad: What are you staring at?
Daughter: Nothing.

Dad: You’re looking at me.
Daughter: Can’t you go to the bathroom and talk. Mom can do it.

Dad: That is good for mom.
Daughter: You can do it too. Take your penis out and pee and talk to me.

In case you are wondering those are words you don’t want to hear come from your daughter.

Dad: I can’t do it with you staring at me. Count the dots on the ceiling.
Daughter: Why?

Dad: Sigh, because I need to know how many there are.
Daughter: Daddy, someone is pooping. They keep farting and it stinks. I want to leave.

Dad: Shh..We don’t need to announce that to everyone.
Daughter: Your penis is bigger than Little Jacks.

Dad: I thought that you are supposed to be counting.
Daughter: Sorry, I forgot.

Moments later we are finished with our bathroom adventure and we head out to finish shopping. We hit the toy section to buy a birthday gift for one of her friends and while we are standing in Barbie heaven she asks me about Ken.

Specifically she wants to know why Ken is missing pieces of his anatomy. It is a reasonable question, but I don’t have a reasonable answer, so I punt. I tell her that I just don’t know. For a moment or two that seems to hold her, but then she makes life more interesting.

She looks at a woman that works there and asks her why Ken suffered a tragic circumcision. That would be fine, other than she tells the woman that daddy has a penis that she has seen lots of times, so why doesn’t Ken.

Good lord, this kid has just managed to make me blush. It is an innocent comment. I don’t routinely walk around the house naked, but she has seen me in the birthday suit. It is the kind of question that offers the opportunity to get you in trouble, it shouldn’t but…

Somehow I am sure that my parents never worried about this sort of thing. Even if one of us had asked them the question, in that time no one was going to call child protective services. It really caught me off guard. I make a goofy smile and quietly walk away.

During the ride home we have a discussion about what is appropriate to discuss and what isn’t. A few hours later she decides to tell her mother and brother about the expedition and what happened. Only she has her version of the story which goes something to the effect of Daddy says we can’t talk about his penis with other people.

Great googly moogly, this girl is determined to make me lose all of my hair. Her mother and I spend the rest of the meal explaining to her and her brother what I really said and what it means. I am fairly certain it worked, but every now and then I wait for the bomb to drop. With the luck I have had lately she’ll decide to tell all of her classmates and Officer O’Malley her version of the story.

It is a damn good thing I love her, because otherwise I’d have to scream. I can only imagine what the teenage years will be like.

The Greatest Posts You Have Never Read

May 9, 2013 by Jack Steiner 12 Comments

You could say this post is tied into blogging frequency and thoughts about how often you should update your blogs. You would be correct to say it is something I think about because I want this joint to blow up.

I want there to come a day when someone reads these words and wonders why I haven’t been signed to a contract because I am the finest writer they have ever seen outside of the National Enquirer.

And then I think about the vast amounts of content I produce and about how many of you have said you can’t read all of my posts because it is too much. I think about the feedback from readers who have unsubscribed because they felt guilty about not keeping up and I wonder if maybe that one magical post that would push me over the top was missed.

Maybe it was one where my son asked me not to die or when I blogged about the tears that do not fall. Perhaps it was the story about the drunk and surly clown or the pump prank that was played upon the roommate.

Or maybe it was none of them.

Maybe I haven’t written it yet. Maybe it is lost in the echoes of the future and just waiting for me to dance in the fire again.

I don’t know.

What I Do Know Is This

What I do know is that I want your help identifying some of those posts. Your mission should you choose to accept is simple: tell me what your favorite posts are. It is great if you can name it but not a big deal if you can’t.

And if you don’t feel like playing that is fine too.

Who Is In My Tribe?

May 7, 2013 by Jack Steiner 24 Comments

Midnight has come and gone and I am awake when I really shouldn’t be. It is not because Chuck doesn’t think of this as being a good time to write that I am concerned either because the night time is my time.

This is when I prefer to write, it is when my mind is alive with possibilities but it is a bad time to wake myself up because the morning comes too soon. I won’t actively worry or think about it until around 4 AM at which point I will consider calling people in LA to ask if they are awake.

I never have understood why we do such a thing. It is up there with the general silliness of asking whomever is sharing our bed if they are awake.

Allow me to share some insight into how I operate, if my eyes are closed don’t ask me if I am awake unless you are prepared to deal with a response you might not enjoy.

Who Is In My Tribe?

Saturday afternoon I was part of another discussion where people talked about the rivalry between Dallas and Fort Worth and asked me to take a side. They were disappointed when I told them I thought Los Angeles had them both beat on almost every account.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t like living in Texas but L.A. will always be home. Â I plan on being here for a good long while, could be decades but if I have learned anything it is that you don’t really know what is going to happen so I try to plan in smaller chunks of time.

Besides in theory ten years from now my children will be living on their own and I may decide that it is time to move to Israel, Europe, Hawaii or Australia. Or maybe it will be none of those places. Maybe it will still be Texas or maybe it will be LA, who knows.

Right now I am focused upon the present and that is why I am asking myself who is in my tribe. It is more of a blogging type question. It is more of me asking myself where I want to focus my attention.

I Love To Write

I love to write and I am in a place where it feels to me like I am really just coming into my own. It is a place where I am starting to recognize how far I have come and how much farther I can go.

It reminds me of the feeling I had when I was first learning how to ride a bike. I was seven years old and nervous about crashing. When I didn’t think about it I was fine. I would start riding and feel invincible, but if I started to wobble sometimes I would begin to worry about falling.

I don’t really worry about falling down, but I do find myself asking hard questions of myself. I wonder what has stopped me from doing certain things. I wonder why I have been my biggest adversary. It is a useful conversation because if I can identify those things I canÂ correctÂ them.

And that brings me around to the question about who is part of my tribe.

Should I Hang Out With The Same People?

I have developed friendships with many of you. I like visiting your blogs and even though I might not comment I visit more than you might realize. But I have to ask the question of whether hanging out with you is helping me grow.

That sounds obnoxious and pretentious. I am not trying to hurt anyone, but we’re adults and I hope you understand. It is a two way street.

You are not obligated to hang out with me either. I hope you do and that it is because you like to, but I understand if you head elsewhere.

Goals

Ultimately I have to revisit my goals and decide if what I am doing makes sense. I don’t blog about religion and politics like I used to because it doesn’t mesh with my goals.

Since my kids have grown up a bit I have started to pull back on how many stories I share about them. They deserve a certain amount of privacy. There are still plenty of things to cover within dad blogging, but again things have changed.

I don’t have answers yet, but I am working on these. As long as I continue to have fun and feel like this adds to life I’ll keep hanging out here.

If you have any thoughts the comment section is yours.

Can You Deliver A Heartfelt Apology While Juggling?