The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Children

69 Things I Don’t Know & One I Do

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My desk is messy and my heart is ripped wide open but the world is still spinning and nothing is very much different at all.

Had a conversation a short while ago about the future and as the words left my lips I heard the echoes of the past reach into the present and extend into the future.

Closed my eyes and thought about what I had heard, what was said and considered what it might mean.

Concluded I haven’t got a clue what I am doing nor any sense or idea about how to do it and yet here I am, moving forward, making decisions and big changes based upon nothing more than a sense of ‘maybe this will work.’

Midway into the moment I turn off my brain and turn on some music.

69 Things I Don’t Know & One I Do

Standing in the center of my room I listen to Roy Orbison sing and think about how haunting his voice is/was.

I know all about Driving all night but I won’t speak of it today and maybe not ever again.

Doesn’t really matter if that is true or just a sick feeling that will pass in the night because there are other more pressing issues to wonder and or worry about.

Big questions that cannot be answered or explored with the sort of precision and confidence I prefer because some things can’t be seen in advance.

So I stand in the proverbial cold wondering if raging against the dying of the light is of any use or if I am going to be forced to inch my way along a narrow path that isn’t kind to slips and or stumbles.

Yet in one of the great contradictions of life my discomfort and concern is matched by this confidence that all is rolling out exactly as it should and I merely need to keep on walking.

I suppose some might complain about my not having posted a list of 69 things I don’t know but is that really why you are here?

Do you really want to read a list of 69 things I don’t know?

Can I distract you with some of my favorite music.

I’ll never forget the way I felt some 35 or so years ago when I first read the part of the book this music memorializes.

A mix of awe, heartbreak and hope combined with a fervent need to find out what came next.

I still can’t believe Prince is gone.

Never was his biggest fan but I was very much a fan for many reasons and he helped make more than one memory for me.

But what grabs me here is his talent and expertise combined with artistry and the wonder that comes with knowing someone had so much more to give.

Yet loss and change are a part of life and the question isn’t will they happen but what we will do when they come.

Choices & Decisions

I am a mix of nerves and confidence.

Got some big choices and decisions ahead of me and it is impossible not to wonder what impact they will have upon my children.

Everything I do is with them in mind and with a focus upon trying to be a better father and provide more but with the knowledge that we can’t see the future.

There are things I have done that didn’t turn out the way I hoped and they offer a mix of really good, good and awful.

I have reached a point and place where it makes no sense to complain about why or how I have found myself in this position.

We are here and we have to face this moment head on.

Fear and uncertainty are not proof that all will not work out or that things will go poorly.

They are merely proof that the choices and decisions are significant.

I will do as I tell and teach my children. I’ll make the best decision I can based upon the limited information I have and then go from there.

Here goes nothing.

987 Silly Bloggers & Stupid Readers

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Purple Rain is playing but the thunder from outside is the reason my windows are shaking.

The song set off a pinball inside my head and there is a memory from long ago floating around inside my head.

I am 14 or 15 years old and standing in the corner at a school dance watching the girl I want to dance with kiss some other boy.

She kissed me, not tonight, but maybe a week or two before and I am just learning about how quickly a girl’s fancy can move from one boy to the next.

That is not to say we don’t do it too, but I am too naive and inexperienced to have any idea how that works, let alone that it exists.

All I know is one moment she was pressed up against me, holding my hand and telling me things that I thought made me special and now I am just another guy.

987 Silly Bloggers & Stupid Readers

Saturday night finds me doing some early evening shopping at a local Trader Joe’s.

The store is almost empty which is part of why I have chosen to be there now. Parking is plentiful and I can fly down the aisles with reckless abandon.

Or so I think.

There is a guy standing in the middle with a woman and they are busy trying to snap the perfect shot of something for their joint food blog.

I know this because they have told me that if I can just wait they’ll be done and it is really important to give them the time because their blog is really important.

I look at them and tell them that in 2011 I was one of the sexiest dad bloggers and that if they looked at the list now I might even have moved up from number 4.

They just stared at me and I told them that I have been out here in the wild and wooly blogosphere for 13 years and followed it up by saying I started before they hit puberty.

It is fun being old.

And then I told them if we are all really lucky we can be among the 987 silly bloggers and stupid readers.

Don’t ask me where that came from, just accept that I tried to come up with some really cool line and failed miserably.

It happens.

Just Go For It

My teenage son and I are talking about life and I am telling him about how sometimes we have to ignore fear of failure and just go for it.

He wants me to give him an example and I share a couple of work stories but they don’t seem to be resonating with him.

I tell him how about a couple of presentations and a project that didn’t go as I wanted as well as one that did but I know I am not getting through.

So I tell him about a girl who made my heart pound and left me tongue tied.

I tell him about how every time I talked to her I felt stupid, awkward and couldn’t ever do the right thing.

He surprises me and asks for more details and I tell him about how one time I was so flummoxed that I had trouble looking her in the eyes.

“What happened dad?”

“She thought I was staring at her boobs.”

“Were you?”

“Yeah, but not really. I wasn’t focused on them. I just couldn’t look her in the eye and was sort of staring through her and she snapped at me.”

“What did she say?”

“I don’t kiss men who don’t look me in the eyes?”

“Does that mean she kissed you?”

“Nope, I told her she would be lucky if I kissed her and she got pissed off and walked away.”

He laughed and asked if I ever talked to her again and I told him we ended up dating but that was much later on.

“How did that happen?”

“Sometimes you have to just go for it. A long time later I ran into her at a fraternity party and she made sarcastic remark about me. I told her I’d make it up to her, but that she’d have to kiss me.”

And then my kid reminded me he wasn’t really interested in hearing that kind of thing. I get it, I wouldn’t want to hear those stories from my parents.

Funny thing is my daughter wants a complete dossier on every woman I ever dated, but girls are different than boys so…

The Stories We Share

I have been thinking about the stories we share and the things I can blog about.

Since the kids are getting older I have made a point to try and be more cautious about the stories I share about them, but my stories are different.

My stories are mine and the choice to share or not is my own.

Been playing around with sharing more, if for no other reason than I can use them to practice my writing.

It is one of those things bloggers do.

The Great Social Media Crash Of 2017

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I shouldn’t be writing this blog post of taking time to read Facebook, pin things on Pinterest or Tweet at the Conman-In-Chief.

That is because Old Jack Steiner has to finish packing for a business trip and this blogging thing isn’t going to help him finish the job.

The thing is that Old Jack Steiner has one hell of a stomach ache which may or may not be related to the trip.

Blame the uncertainty on the beauty of having a dysfunctional digestive system, sometimes you just don’t know.

The Great Social Media Crash Of 2017

Given the enormous anger and rage surrounding the US and much of the world I am wondering if 2017 might mark the year the social media crash.

In other words, will it be the year we run out of energy and time to be outraged and or outrageous on social media.

You might wonder if I am mean that to be tongue-in-cheek and the answer is, sort of.

If I take some of the comments friends and family are making there is some truth to the question of whether it has become exhausting to hang out on some platforms.

As a father I find myself wondering how much of the anger is spilling over and into the platforms my kids use.

Are they seeing/feeling it and if so, what sort of impact is it having upon them?

****

When my kids were really little we were very careful about what we said around them because we didn’t want them to be exposed to certain things before they had to be.

That changed as they got older, especially once they got cellphones and computers because once the barn door opened we knew the horses would go running.

That is not to say we stopped monitoring because that never happens but our and your ability is limited, especially in the middle and high school where it is common for kids to have easy access to the ‘Net.

Fight Or Flight

The kids and I have had multiple conversations about when to stand and when to run.

We have talked about figuring out the value of winning the battle and losing the war and vice versa. I have always thought about it as being important, but lately it has increased in value.

That is because when people tell me they find social media to be exhausting I ask why they are still there and what they hope to accomplish.

If you are not paid to be online then your presence is a choice and if that choice hurts you, well you know where this is going.

Anyhoo some have told me they think it is important to keep pushing out certain messages and fear what happens if they take time away from the platforms they reside upon.

My response is always the same, we’re in a marathon and not a sprint. If you want to last you have to find a way to take care of yourself.

It is really not any different from the conversation I have with the kids.

Don’t mistake that to sound like I am saying I am better or smarter than the next guy because that isn’t it.

Hell, I am the guy who likes to argue and will fight for months but as I have grown older I have learned to be more judicious in who gets my time.

*****

Speaking of flight I have to go finish getting ready for mine.

I used to love flying but it is not something that I particularly enjoy anymore. We’ll save the how and why for a later date and say I hope the plane isn’t stuffed to the gills.

Be good to each other and I’ll see you around the comments.

Donald Trump Can’t Do The Hokey-Pokey

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There is a long list about 140 characters long of the things that Donald Trump can do, but the Hokey-Pokey isn’t one of them.

Nor is the Bunny Hop, Cabbage Patch, the Monkey or the moonwalk.

It is not because he keeps tripping over a tie that is always too long or because he dreams of turning that tie into a sash he can pin fake medals on.

It is because he is too busy playing Simon Says and crying when people don’t do precisely as he instructs.

Blame Ma & Pa Trump

Parent bloggers write lots of posts about not being judgmental of other parents and talk about how it is ok to have a different way of doing things.

But I am not just a parent blogger, I am a dad who has worked his ass off to try to raise children of good character who know how to go along and get along.

A father who has taught them to stand up and push back when needed but to understand that we shouldn’t be outraged by everything.

And to learn how to share and cooperate with others.

I blame Ma & Pa Trump for not doing a good job of this with little Donald. Maybe that is unfair and or untrue, but

Maybe that is unfair and or untrue, but I haven’t anyone else to blame but Donald for his behavior. Wonder what Donald would have to say about that because he is usually pretty good about blaming others for what he should be responsible for.

Wonder what Donald would have to say about that because he is usually pretty good about blaming others for what he should be responsible for.

Someone needed to tell him years ago that he is not that great, but if they did it didn’t stick.

Realistic Parenting

It has been a long while since talked politics here and I am not necessarily going to dive back in full time, but I won’t ignore it either.

The same way I won’t ignore bad behavior from my children or pretend they are always perfect. They are good kids but they are human and prone to human mistakes.

Sometimes they screw up, same way we all do and I hope they continue to be good about being accountable for their actions.

I don’t expect or need perfection, but I want them to be honest with themselves about who they are and what they do.

When the lights go out at night and they are alone with their thoughts I want them to feel good about their actions and their efforts.

They’ll have good days and bad, but hopefully the good will always outnumber the bad.

And hopefully most days they’ll go to sleep knowing that however things went they know they did their best.

Learn From Mistakes

The other thing I want them to differently than Donald is to learn from their mistakes.

Ok, that might not be fair, he might learn from his mistakes but you’d never know it from his response because it is always about what someone else did wrong and not him.

So I want them to be accountable, responsible and willing to spend their entire life learning.

That is not too much to ask, nor is texting them to turn down the damn music because this modern stuff sucks. 😉

Generations- Cub Fans Avoid Winter Of Discontent

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Some of my neighbors watch me walk around in short sleeves and ask if I am ok.

“It is 35 degrees outside and you are from California. Aren’t you cold?”

I smile and tell them I grew up in the Valley and that 35 is familiar to me.

Sometimes one will argue with me because they have spent way too much time watching television/movies and think the temperature never drops below 75.

They are the same people who don’t know enough about LA to know you can’t drive two blocks from downtown/Westside/Valley and stumble upon the beach.

Twenty some odd years ago if it was the weekend you might have been able to do that ride in 15-20 minutes but it isn’t like that any more.

Not that it matters for me, I am landlocked now and my spur of the moment trips to Malibu or Santa Monica are…limited.

Generations- Cub Fans Avoid Winter Of Discontent

Familiarity doesn’t always lend itself to comfort or complacency which is a fancy way of saying I am not particularly fond of cold.

I deal with it when needed and if I had to become accustomed to something more severe I would.

Hell, when an arctic front blew through here and we got some snow and temperatures in the twenties I still went outside and walked around.

Part of me wondered if perhaps I was blessed with sort of generational DNA something or other that made it easier.

Did the ghosts of generations of Chicagoans whose lineage I share pass along a resistance to the cold or was it just my way of saying mom and dad did it so I can too.

It is not really a question and the answer doesn’t necessarily matter, it is just one of those things a man thinks about when he is stuck on hold listening to awful hold music.

****

Kind of funny to me to think about how my kids don’t think about Chicago like I do because they didn’t grow up hearing stories about it and wonder if half the city was related to them.

Thanks to the magic of Facebook and the fact long distance telephone calls are no longer prohibitively expensive I talk to a bunch of those Chicago relatives.

More than a few are Cub fans who are still riding the high from their championship and eagerly awaiting the coming season.

Won’t be long before we start seeing them start singing Go! Cubs! Go!

 

Generational Differences

Speaking of baseball I still find it surreal to realize many people wouldn’t pick it as our national pastime.

Feels strange to realize it might be a decade since I played in a softball game and longer since I played real baseball.

I didn’t walk away from the game or make an active decision to stop playing.

Much has to do with time and accessibility. It was easier to go play some pickup hoop at the gym.

Didn’t need as many people and the weather never affected our ability to play.

But that doesn’t make the little boy that lives inside feel better or forget how much he loved to play.

He still dreams of making the Dodgers and still thinks that given the chance he could have been a player.

Never cared as much about being the greatest as he did about just being a part of The Show.

Well, that is not entirely true because that little boy can watch the clip below and he will always smile and dream of being that guy.

Final Thoughts

It is a dozen years or so ago and I am a kid’s birthday party.

A bunch of the dads are standing in the back talking while we keep half an eye on the kids who are running, climbing and jumping on, over and around each other.

One of the moms walks over and tells us it would be nice if we stood closer to the kids because you never know when one will get hurt and need help.

Her husband tells her to relax and we try not to start laughing when she gives him a look.

She walks away and he starts getting grief.

“Better buy her some flowers or you won’t get any for a week.”

“You are an idiot, he has three kids, he hasn’t gotten any in three years.”

“Ignore them Jim, just wear your jersey and it will be like you two are back in high school.”

Jim offers his retorts and then says it is time to accept we’re not 18 anymore and that our playing days are behind us.

I look at him and tell him I’ll be able to hit major league pitching until I am 76 or maybe 78.

The guys look at me like I am insane and give me their reasons for why it will not and cannot happen.

I just smile and say that a man who doesn’t dream is dead and that I’ll never stop dreaming.

And I won’t.

The 9832nd Greatest Blog Post You’ll Never Read

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These are days we are going to remember because we have left the comforts of what is known and headed straight into the wilds.

Can’t say if we collectively knew the fleet was going to sail straight from the harbor into the storm but some of us suspected it.

Doesn’t mean we were or are any smarter than any one else or that our sixth sense was pinging because I don’t speak for the collective.

What I know is the man in office bothered me long before he got there because his brusque manner and attitude isn’t something I want in a leader.

But we only have so much control of what happens and who gets to lead and after that we are given the gift of managing our response.

The 9832nd Greatest Blog Post You’ll Never Read

You have hardly seen hide nor hair of me around here because I have been distracted with the things that life brings us, those we want and those we don’t.

It has been part of the great roller coaster because there have been some exceptionally good moments and I have shown the world my broadest and brightest smile.

But there have been some hard ones too, the biggest challenge I have ever had as a father and at times I have felt like I was trapped between the anvil and the hammer.

Moments, where I wondered how I was ever going to catch my breath long enough to help fix what is broken.

Moments, where I wondered what I did wrong and battled myself to stop asking questions that can’t be answered and are immaterial because the horse took off as soon as the barn door opened.

We’re a year into this crazy ride and I don’t always write about it for a host of reasons but it doesn’t mean it hasn’t taken up residence in my head.

Sometimes I see a miniature Winston Churchill in my mind, talking to me, encouraging me and promising me that this too shall pass.

He is right, it will.

But some days it is really…fucking…hard.

*****

Sometimes I think it is good that Google slapped my site with the penalty and that my SEO has gone to hell here.

It makes it easier not to worry about whether anyone is reading it.

Aw hell, who am I kidding, I never cared much about it and I have written regardless whether there was one or many readers.

Running Down A Dream

Blogging taught me long ago that if I want to build an engaged readership I need to engage, entertain and educate.

It also taught me that the more honest I was with you about what was going on there more honest and engaged you’d be with me.

Though I know these things to be true I haven’t been good for a long while about engaging the way I used to.

I don’t comment very often anymore on other blogger’s posts and I have been reticent to do more than hint at certain other personal things in my life.

*****

In the midst of the battles and challenges I have been focused on running down a dream and if my gut knows a damn thing I am getting closer to where I want to be.

It reminds me a lot of not the first kiss I once shared but one that came a good while after.

She and I had been together multiple times so I thought I knew what to expect but something happened.

Something inside my head clicked and I realized I had just tasted life.

We pulled away and smiled at each other and I knew without asking she understood. That was when she gave herself to me and I knew I had crossed the Rubicon but in the best of senses.

Shared Experiences

One of my goals is for someone else to have that taste of life experience and or revelation.

I can’t say for certain but I suspect it will open their eyes and that it will bring a level of joy back into their life.

I think they’ll begin to really live again.

Don’t ask me for details or encourage me to share more because it is an unformed thought and I fear trying to force it to take shape.

This needs to be held like water in the palm of your hand because some things can’t be led, pushed or made into being.

All you can do is shine a light on opportunity and hope.

****

Meanwhile, the fleet is sailing through the storm and I have to focus on making sure the ships I am responsible for are safe.

Alone in my kayak I paddle through the rough and do my best to manage it all, haven’t drowned yet…