Narishkeit

A paper jam is never the way you want to start your day and it is not because you are naive enough to believe that technology is supposed to work as intended.

Always and intended are words that come to mind along with sucker and ‘Good luck.’

Speaking of always and intended I am wrestling with those things.

Only a juvenile expects things to never change hopes things will magically fall into place if and when things change.

Because you know that is a reasonable–to expect that some things will continue forever or at least the people you expect to be there will always be.

Still Drunk

I may not post as much new material here but I am still drunk on writing. I probably write with the same frequency as ever, if not more.

It is the only way you can keep your skills sharp and or improve. Both are important to me.

So I am still pushing, just doing it a bit differently than I used to.

But that doesn’t mean I have come to love or appreciate paper jams or any sort of technology failure.

Fortunately I am usually adept at figuring them out, but I wouldn’t mind not having to do so anymore.

 

It would be childish, rude and obnoxious to say the frog in the picture above looks like the nosy dope who has chosen to spend time hanging out here.

Granted you don’t require an invitation to come by but there are some who are welcome and some who are…less welcome.

That is why stat checkers can be beautiful things because you get to see who comes to visit and learn a little bit about them because they always leave digital footprints behind.

Little crumbs of information to let you know that the crumb hasn’t found what they are looking for or that they really enjoy your writing and are hanging out.

Sometimes what you find is a guy who is desperately trying to impress a woman he has no chance at being with and hasn’t realized she isn’t flirting. She is just being nice.

Trump voters. Go figure.

Anger Leads To The Dark Side

Old Master Yoda is right about anger leading to the dark side and mine is pretty damn dark, which is why I typically am pretty damn patient.

That is not to say I don’t get angry because I do. It just takes a while to get me there, but once I am…forget it.

Nuclear is the word.

Anyhoo, when I find myself engaged with certain people I do more than listen to the wisdom of Marcus Aurelius.

I go the wisdom of my people and let the great Groucho remind me who it is I am dealing with.

Other Interesting Things Stat Checkers Find

 

Can’t forget the time a Patriot lover came to visit because he had to see the whole truth about the deflator and the rest of those cheating fools.

As you can see, he spent close to 2 hours hanging out here.

If I had more time I’d dig up the visit from the US Senate and a bunch of other interesting information such as the email and office addresses that came along with it.

Yeah, Stat Checkers are fun.

Sometimes I see people tearing through posts here and I wonder if they have any clue what they are looking for.

Are they looking for a specific post, phrase, thought or idea or just pointing and clicking their way through the day?

Would it be helpful if I provided them with a map where X marks the spot and they would be guaranteed a rich reward for digging up buried treasure?

Well, I could share my thoughts and ideas or talk about how their adventure reminds me about all of the digital crumbs we leave all over the place.

I don’t know why, but I am reminded of a story I read a while back about someone who had spyware installed upon their phone and how their every move was tracked.

A buddy of mine asked if I ever worried about that and I said no, because my actions would bore most people.

Unless they enjoyed searched for garden gnome sex, shlattering and sexy sneezing.

Sometimes you have to dig really hard to find that black marble, assuming it is actually in there.

See you in the comments.

Friends I know quite a few of you are feeling saturated and overwhelmed by the election so I am here to share a bunch of posts that have nothing to do with it.

There is a mix of silly and serious here that you can pick and choose from. As you go through you’ll see I still have work to do to create a more uniform look for the blog.

However the posts should all be easy to read whether you are on a computer or mobile device.

• An Uncertain Certainty
• A Father Describes Parenting
• Of Dads and Daughters
• One Slightly Used Pump For Sale
• The Hope And The Dream
• The GermoPhobe
• Echoes Of The Future
• There Are No Coincidences
• The Flying Clown
• A Little Digestive Distress- Chicken Vindaloo
• Waiting For The Click- The Post You Won’t Read

Hope that helps, see you in the comments.

Dear Mr. Johnson,

Many years ago in a galaxy far, far away there was simple farmer named Luke. I am not talking about the Luke Duke who drove the General Lee, but the man who blew up the Death Star and defeated the emperor.

Those are pretty big accomplishments for a simple farmer. I can be that guy for you. All you have to do is hire me and I can be your Luke. That is a pretty good deal for you because that would make you Obi Wan-Kenobi. Of course I can’t promise you that I’ll save you from Darth Vader or anyone going postal in the office.

In fact if someone freaks out I just might hide in a cubicle. But the good news is that I am a pretty good shot with rubber bands and paper clips. So if you keep me supplied I might be able to shoot someone in the eye. So in reality that is of benefit to you.

Let’s take a moment to review some of the other reasons why it would be stupid not to hire me.

The class of 1986 voted me Most Likely to Drive an Ice Cream Truck. That is the kind of honor that not everyone receives. It is proof that they believed that I would be great at running my own franchise and that I am a conscientious worker. Not everyone can keep the ice cream from melting or do simple math. Give me a $1.50 for a Bomb Pop and I’ll give you proper change, unless of course you charge $1.65 in which case I’ll ask you for more money.

As a boy scout I always won the campfire contest. That is the one where you are tested to see who can start a fire the fastest. Not every carries a Bic Lighter and some hair spray around, but I do because you never know when you might need a fire.

I am really good at microwaving popcorn. Not everyone knows how to do it, but I do. I won’t make the office stink. Unless you take me out for Mexican food or feed me dairy. But heck, lactose intolerance is a certifiable medical condition. And since you are a professional you must know that we all deal with occasional bouts of flatulence. That is why I like to play the radio at my desk, so that no one has to listen to uncomfortable noises.

Unlike other employees I won’t lie about why I am missing work. Sometimes I just don’t feel like coming in, we all need personal time. I am sure that you agree that this is the sort of honesty your company needs.

Which I suppose is why you really don’t need to interview anyone else for the job. Really, you should just call me and tell me when I can come in to sign papers. Probably better to do it sooner so that my medical benefits kick in. That way I can be sure to bring you a real doctor’s note when I am out sick.

Do you see how I just proved my honesty again. I won’t fake a doctor’s note, I’ll get you a real one that you can show everyone so that when I am out on disability no one feels badly. Anyway, it sounds like we have worked most of this out. Call me and I’ll tell you what bank I use so that we can set up a direct deposit account.

Thank you for being so cool. I look forward to coming in. May the Force be with you.

Sincerely,

Jack, the guy who can’t wait to be your Luke.

Originally published here.