Narishkeit

The guy in the coffee shop said he was tired of dumb blogger and the stupid stuff they write about.

I took one last sip of my Espresso, dumped the rest on his head and screamed “one day you’ll work for one of these dumb bloggers or show up as the antagonist in the award-winning novel he just finished writing.

His hipster pal tried to sneak up and cold cock me from the side, but I saw him coming and jumped up on a table.

The bearded wonder did his best to try and pull me down but all he got for his trouble was my size 12 boot in his mouth.

Since I know those crazy dudes travel in packs I made a point to stop to survey the scene. Jumped from the table over the bar and watched the baristas scramble out of my way.

“Nobody makes fun of bloggers on my watch, especially dad bloggers!”

Dumb hipsters had no idea who they were messing with. I wasn’t a closer to middle-aged guy wearing empty cargo shorts.

Before I became a dad I was a very active and fit man who just might have closed down a bar or two and lived a little bit of life.

Teach Your Children Well

That day at the coffee shop is legendary in my family. It is the day the kids figured out I wasn’t kidding when I would sing along to As Good I Once Was with Toby Keith.

My teenager looked at me, “Dad, you destroyed them. It wasn’t even fair.”

My daughter wasn’t as impressed.

“Dad, it was really embarrassing. You hit a couple of girls and threw a service dog at the blind lady.”

Sorry kids, after months of listening to the Trump/Cruz/Sanders/Clinton rhetoric I snapped and decided the best way to make America Better Again was to take action.

They smiled and told me I was right and said they never doubted any choices I made and promised to tell everyone I am the greatest father and dad blogger of all.

“Gee willikers dad, you really are the best.”

I hugged them both, wiped helped the blind lady back to her feet and we walked out to get ice cream cones.

How Dad Bloggers Can Make America Better Again

Yeah, I’ll concede parts of this post are fiction and some of it is a bit silly.

But a man who loves to write and needs to make sure he exercises his creative side deserves to play a little bit.

The scary thing about this silly tale is it could be a true story. It could be real.

These days truth is often stranger than fiction, but I suppose that is part of what makes life interesting.

*****

Got a final comment or two to share with you.

Been thinking a little bit about writing a post about hard choices and decision making and another one about how to describe the blog,

Something along the lines of what would you say if someone asked you to share five posts that are supposed to be representative of your blog as a whole.

What would you pick?

No answers here yet, but I’ll leave you with this quote and a promise to write more later.

 

Some people got upset when they heard I said I am a better father than you are.

They told me it is obnoxious and not right to say such a thing, but I didn’t care. I just went about my way and did it.

Ask my daughter if she still has her spoon or if she remembers the I Told You She Is a Bitch conversation.

Flip through the older posts and look at A Letter To My Children- Things That Matter or  A Letter To My Children-2011 and you’ll gain a glimpse into things that we hard and some that were helpful.

That is all part of the blog, it is a place to get Useful Information Used Usefully.

Or maybe it is safer and smarter to say it is part of why I blog.

Some years ago I would never have admitted to finding meaning in a Winnie The Pooh quote but I am not the guy I was some years ago.

These days I admit there are moments where I could have made life much easier by asking for help and that I probably still don’t ask for it often enough.

It is not to suggest that I have tons of them that I could or should refer to but I am no different than anyone else.

Challenges and problems are part and parcel of the human condition.

There is no way to avoid all of them so we have to learn how to manage and respond to them if and when necessary.

That is a lesson I am really working hard on teaching Steiner the minor. It is not one I am ignoring with my daughter, but the focus is different.

Women and girls are better at leaning on each other about things than we are.

And since I know I am Steiner’s primary role model I try to pay extra attention to the things I think I are less favorable qualities so that I can try to help him avoid taking those on.

The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

Somewhere in the archives is a post I wrote about gratitude and trying to instill it in my children.

I don’t have time to look for it now but I’ll probably go searching for it later to see what I said then and ask myself if I feel the same now.

My life is different from what I thought it would be like in more ways than I can express. There are more than a few areas in which I shake my head and wonder how the hell things worked out as they did or as they are doing.

But I try to remind myself to maintain some perspective and to look at the roller coaster of the past ten years in terms of how far I have come and not how far I have yet to go.

The majority of my complaints are what we can refer to as First World problems.

Almost every one of my problems can be fixed or mitigated with money.

That is worth repeating.

Almost everything can be fixed with money.

Why Is That Important?

It means there are solutions that can be obtained and that I am not facing a terrible health issue that baffles doctors.

It means that there is opportunity for growth, change and improvement.

You can argue and debate how much comes from luck and how much comes from hard work but don’t expect me to spend a lot of time mulling that part over.

I am too busy looking at what is so that I can identify what I want and what I need. That is my fancy schmancy way of saying I don’t let my day dreaming (and I do a lot of it) prevent me from taking action.

This is all part of why I blog.

Final Words For Now

I need to run because the real world calls and I can’t sit here and read old posts like How To Become A Better Writer- Build Your Vocabulary or Bad Content Is Like Bad Sex.

I want to.

I really want to sit here and read and write and then do it all again.

But sometimes you have to get out of your chair and head off into the abyss to see what lies beyond and that is what I am off to do.

Look out world, I have taken off the chains and am running amok.

They tell me the secret to running a successful blog is to provide people with content they can use so I am here to do so.

Initially I was going to develop a blog post that told you how to have better sex through blogging but I realized I had already done that.

Besides we live during a time when specialization is the rule of the day.

So I thought about making this post about how to give a mind blowing orgasm to people who like to copulate while wearing rabbit suits but that seemed like an awkward title so I figured I out to tweak it a bit.

I came up with a modified Buzzfeed look that was close to 50 ways to give great head to your fetish wearing furry friends and realized I just couldn’t come up with 50 ways.

Dammit, that last line makes me sound like a lazy lover and who wants to be that.

You want to be the Casanova who works extra hard to please your partner so they look up at your sweat covered face and know that your persperation comes from the hard work you just put into trying to please them.

Dammit, don’t just lie on your back like a lump on a log expecting us to do all the work. Try pitching in a bit, give a little moan or something and make us feel like you are not thinking about doing the laundry or something.

Sometimes The Train Gets Derailed

Ever notice how you are reading a post and suddenly the whole thing takes a turn and you begin to wonder if the writer dropped acid, smoked a bowl and or drank a bottle of Everclear in the midst of writing it?

Me either.

Hell, I never change directions. I write a post that follows a simple path, something that has a  beginning, middle and and an end.

Hooray for chronological order.

Ok, I am lying. Sometimes I just write with reckless abandon and I don’t worry whether the reader will keep up, like what I am writing or appreciate it.

It is not always the smart way to write, at least not if you want to hold the attention of many readers but it is far more fun than always sticking to a structure.

I could write about how to crash a party or share stories about times I have done that. Some of you might enjoy those tales because they are fun, but sometimes it is more fun to just let the words flow from my fingertips with no destination in mind and no design.

sometimes it is more fun to just let the words flow from my fingertips with no destination in mind and no design.Click To Tweet

About Those Lazy Lovers

In the age of the Internet when Facebook makes it both possible and probable to run into your past it is easy to come across a person who might have shared an intimate moment with you.

Hell, it has happened to me and at least once I looked at the screen and wondered if my bad memories mirrored hers or if even worse, my good memories didn’t reflect hers.

Believe me your average fragile male ego doesn’t want to discover that the time he made his pal scream “Oh My God” it wasn’t because she saw fireworks but because she desperately wanted to him to finish and leave because he was terrible.

It is entirely possible that it could have happened because sometimes we just don’t know. Believe me there was a time when someone didn’t realize that pulling and tugging on parts like you are trying to clean a stain isn’t very pleasant.

Nor is it funny to catch a man with your teeth and make some comment about it would be better with ketchup, but I digress.

Deliver What You Promise

You may have been warned that this post was likely to be a bit different than expected but that doesn’t mean I am not going to try to deliver what I promise.

This may not be The 983rd Greatest Story Ever Told, but it certainly isn’t the worst either.

In a perfect world those of who are still reading are doing so because you find this entertaining and not because it is a trainwreck but I like to cover my bases so I have an audio component that provides some guidance for how to crash a party.

It has run here before, but some of you enjoyed it enough to request it again so your wish is my command. And with that I’ll leave you to it.

See you in the comments.

Three years ago I asked people why they felt the need to learn how to make people hate them.

For a while it was one of the more popular posts on the blog and I wondered how many people read it because they really wanted to learn new ways to make their coworkers hate them and how many were just curious.

If you hate the people you work with that much I don’t understand why you wouldn’t make an effort to find a new place to hang your hat, but that is just me.

I played around with trying to make this a funny post because it lends itself to that and I have had success with the funny stuff here but decided I didn’t want to go that direction.

It is not because I can’t be funny either. I received compliments today on One Slightly Used Pump For Sale as well as for some of the material from It Should Have Been On YouTube.

Imagination, Life & Blogging

I suppose part of why I went a different direction is tied into a gut feeling I have about life and blogging right now.

Been living in the land of transition and life changes for a while and it has made an impact as well as taken a toll upon me.

The toll comes from the stress that comes with worrying about how your choices impact your children. It is the fear that comes with not knowing how certain situations will play out and feeling guilty because the consequences of other actions make you wonder if you let them down.

It is mitigated by knowing that you can’t see what the future holds and you never know for certain how something is going to be until you try it.

It is that moment where you take a hard and honest look and can accept that whatever happened is not solely because of your efforts, be it good or bad.

My kids have never gone hungry, been without shelter or clothing.  The two biggest changes in their lives were being pulled from private school and having to move.

If I look at the big scorecard of life they are still ahead of the game so any guilt I feel is my own manifestation.

******

But I have also learned how to visualize the future I want and how to turn that into reality.

Don’t misunderstand, this isn’t about the law of attraction here. I am not discussing whether it exists or not. I am talking about how I used blogging to figure out what I want and what I need.

The benefit of doing that is it enables you to create a real plan for obtaining those things.

169 Ways To Make The People You Work With Hate You

Even though I am not going to provide you with a list I will reiterate something I have said before about how to make your coworkers hate you.

If you really want to do that be the person that makes meetings a waste of time and energy. Make people hate meetings and they’ll hate you.

Hell I hate you just thinking about it.

But since hate isn’t a good way to encourage new readers to subscribe to your blog or keep existing readers around I’ll switch to love.

Do you feel the love now?

Woohoo, I knew that you would and because you do I’ll give you a list of posts you may or may not have read and offer those for your reading pleasure.

Remember I sometimes get creative with headlines:

• Spit Or Swallow
• How 3,000 Sycophants Made One Man A Better Blogger
• What Is Your Blog About?
• Don’t Worry About What You Can’t Control Part 2
• It Wasn’t Worth Getting Arrested
• 50 Shades of Grey With Better Writing & More Sex
• Sometimes Dad’s Just Don’t Know
• What Happens When People Don’t Comment On Our Blogs?
• The Pressure To Blog
• Inside the Blogger’s Studio- A Dream, Er Nightmare
• The GermoPhobe
• An Uncertain Certainty
• Four Generations & A Wedding
• The Best Thing My Father Ever Said To Me
• A Father Describes Parenting