The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for June 2013

Should You Blog About Sex With Other Bloggers?

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At New Delhi Zoo

This past week I read more posts that mom bloggers wrote about how dumb their husbands are and I wondered what is wrong with these women.

It is not the first time I have seen posts like this nor will it be the last. It is a phenomena in which some people think it is cute, clever and or funny to write a post about how dumb their spouse is.

And to be fair, I have seen posts written by men about their wives that cross this line too, but not as many. What I can’t remember seeing are posts by gays in which they badmouth their partners/spouses.

Don’t know if it is because I haven’t come across it or if it is because it doesn’t happen.

I Don’t Understand This

If you know me in real life you know I am mostly unfiltered. I speak my mind pretty openly and share my thoughts but I do it to a point.

You will rarely hear me talk about certain personal matters because there are boundaries and because it is unfair.

When you supposedly love someone why do you think it is ok to write posts that make them look ignorant and moronic. Some stories are funny and sometimes it is ok to talk about something someone did because it was kind of silly.

Sometimes you read these posts and are confident that the subject would laugh and consider this teasing and sometimes you wonder about the line because it comes across as being mean spirited.

So I ask myself where the line is and do people even recognize when it is being crossed?

Too Much Information

Have we reached a point in time where too much information no longer exists?

If tell you about the woman who caught me with her tooth while simultaneously stabbing my “lower package” with a fingernail and how I howled in pain is that funny.

BTW, that didn’t happen. I don’t howl.

No, really, it didn’t happen. I am just unfiltered.

But even if I wasn’t making that up I didn’t say who I was talking about because sometimes you just need to keep some things to yourself.

Sorry Eddie Snowden and Julian Assange, I don’t believe that sharing everything with everyone is good. Sometimes those leaks hurt people far more than they help, but I digress.

Hard Stop

One of my favorite things about blogging is how it serves as a place to share our thoughts and how you can capture a snapshot in time.

What that hard stop refers to is I am not going to go back and edit this to try and make it look any more polished than a quick 13 minutes of writing.

It is just a moment in time, capturing some thoughts.

But I will link to several other pieces that I had thought about weaving in here because I thought it was worth tying them in one capacity or another.

Yeah, I could have taken a few more minutes to tie them in but I want to see a movie and have to run to make sure that I get there on time.

It is the weekend and sometimes the best thing we can do is disconnect for a few minutes and not worry about fans, followers, readers or circles.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is get out and spend time in the real world doing things with people you care about. Try it sometime, you might like it.

You might have something more interesting to write about that doesn’t consist of complaining about how fat your spouse is or the biological weapon they released in the bathroom.

The Fool’s Guide For Dealing With Idiots

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The Story of Ferdinand
The Story of Ferdinand (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When I was a young child two of my favorite books were The Story of Ferdinand and Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

I loved sitting on the couch listening to my mother read these stories to me and even now, if  she thinks I am having a bad day she will sometimes offer to read them.

It makes me laugh and I usually tell her that it was much more effective when I was small enough to curl up against her and not the reverse. One time when I said that she took my right hand and placed it against hers.

She didn’t say anything, but I know she was remembering when the meat paw that swallowed hers was small enough to fit in her palm.

The Fool’s Guide For Dealing With Idiots

Been stuck in a rough patch as of late and have found it more challenging to do the simple things I want to do.  Stuff that should be easy is not and people that were pleasant are less than kind.

And for a while like Ferdinand I smiled at it all, shrugged my shoulders and let it slip like water off a duck’s back. If you were a pain-in-my-ass I just smiled because I knew that it was just a blip and then it would be gone.’

But something changed, something happened or maybe something snapped and now it is different.

Now I need to remind myself to read the fool’s guide for dealing with idiots. That is because for whatever reason the idiot has gotten the fool’s attention and once you manage to make me focus that particular baleful glare upon you my desire is to throw you under the bus, shift into reverse to run you over again and then drop you in a pit of acid.

Blame the acid pit on all of the horror movies I have seen, if you don’t take extreme measure Jason comes back to life and starts chopping people down.

Mentally Fatigued

Since I foolishly chose to engage I have wasted time and energy upon people who don’t deserve it and the net result is that I blame myself for the knots in stomach and shoulders and the restless sleep.

They may have picked the fight and encouraged me to call down the thunder and though part of me revels in battle I am mentally fatigued. I lack the energy to do what really needs to be done and I am disappointed in myself.

I read my personal and professional words and shake my head because normally I am very good at recharging my batteries and getting things turned around but this particular moment feels eternal and though I know it is not I am irritated.

Thus the vicious circle is complete.

Lie Down or Move Forward

I have given myself two choices, the same I always offer to my children when things get rough. You can lie down or move forward and lying down isn’t an option.

There is no pleasure in out maneuvering the idiot because most are dumb enough to provide ample opportunity to do so but there is no reason to wade through the crap they are flinging so I am working on climbing out of the hole and just doing what needs to be done.

Got to run now, it is time to move forward and pretend to be the hero, I am done playing Ferdinand and unwilling to be Alexander any longer.

What Would Darth Vader Do?

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Ride the Lightning

During a recent disagreement I mulled over whether it made more sense to agree to disagree. I teach my children that it is ok to have your own opinion and that sometimes you need to swim upstream and I teach them that you should be civil when you disagree with others.

But during this particular disagreement I realized that I was much more interested in thinking about what Darth Vader would do than whether I should be a role model for my children.

The kids weren’t around and so I figured that since my adversary was acting like a dick it made more sense to visit the Dark Side. So I made a silent apology to Master Yoda and tried to Force Choke them.

It Didn’t Work

Yeah, I know that wasn’t very sporting of me nor was it nice, but damn they crossed the Rubicon and asked for it. They called down the thunder and like Thor I was determined to deliver.

Sadly the lightning didn’t come and neither did the Force Choke work. I could live with not bringing down lightning, it is not like I had a magic hammer in hand, but Got damn Sandy, I didn’t expect the Force to fail.

Do you know embarrassing it is to try to Force Choke someone and have it fail. Do you have any concept of what it is like to hold your hand up and to partially close your hand as if you were choking an invisible man?

It sucks, I tell you it is simply awful.

David Prowse as Darth Vader in The Empire Stri...
David Prowse as Darth Vader in The Empire Strikes Back (1980) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I might not be a 7 Foot Tall Sith Lord but I am a dad blogger who watched Star Wars at the Drive In. Did I mention that I saw it the year it came out?

That means I have had 36 years to practice using the damn Force. That is double chai and hell if I am not more frustrated than I was before the dick decided to act like a prick and forced me to try to use the Force to adjust their attitude.

Damn, I felt nearly as clueless as Paula Deen and about as masculine as that Snowden guy (he really needs to either give up the facial hair or use a marker to fill in the spaces) and that is saying a lot.

What Vader Didn’t Do?

Well he didn’t take over my body and help me defenestrate the pain-in-my-ass nor did he take over my body and help me punch them in the nose.

I must admit that I thought about both of those things. Thought about how it would make me feel better but than I decided that jail time wasn’t particularly of interest nor was a lawsuit.

And much as I hated to admit it the dick didn’t deserve to be killed, eviscerated or defenestrated. Can’t bring myself to say that a punch in the nose wouldn’t have been good for them and a swift kick in the ass from my size 12 boot.

I can also admit that Darth Vader wouldn’t have worried about the morality of these options nor concerned himself with the consequences and I was kind of jealous of that sort of freedom.

But when you are a 7 foot tall Sith Lord and you have an army to back you up you can get away with some things that your average Joe can’t.

Still, it hasn’t stopped me from thinking about creating a Ring of Power that I can use to control the dick. Nor has it stopped me from thinking about how much fun it would be for said Ring of Power to be used to make the dick punch themself in the nose.

It is a pleasant thought. That Ring of Power would help keep me from suffering the consequences and provide some much needed entertainment.

Now if I can only figure out how to get to Mordor.

What Is Valuable Content And How Do You Identify It?

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Mexico-3070 - Comalcalco - the only Mayan Brick Pyramid
What treasures are waiting to be discovered.

1,547 miles away there is a 12.5 year-old boy who misses his father and could care less about blog posts that teach you how to make money online, master social media or how to become a better writer.

That is because he doesn’t see any value in any of that and since it doesn’t translate into a benefit for him he says he wants dad to come home. The business lesson here is that if your prospect/client doesn’t understand the value proposition in what you are offering they aren’t going to sign up.

You won’t get the deal and the business will go elsewhere.

The parenting side is different because on that side of the fence that kind of response just…sucks.

Beauty/Value Is In the Eye Of The Beholder

Instead of the dog warming my feet and the peals of laughter intermixed with the sounds of sibling fighting there is a glass of Scotch and music keeping me company.

Perhaps I should focus on the business side here and talk with you about how you can’t always identify which posts will be popular and which will fall. Your stats can help you make some decisions but you still can’t predict it all, as that wacky Shmata Queen would say there is no accounting for taste.

The reality is some people will love you, some will hate you and some won’t care much either way.

My best advice is to do the best you can to produce content you feel good about. Give it form, shape and substance and move on. Don’t waste time following silly remarks to “create epic shit.”

Epic lost its meaning long ago and now it just sounds like ridiculous sales crap.

So go out and write. Go and do your best to write with passion and personality and do so consistently. If you sustain your effort and work on building relationships with others good things will happen.

How Often Should You Update?

When I increase my output I see a direct correlation between the amount of traffic and comments I receive, even during down times like summer.

But none of this makes a difference to that 12.5 year-old boy I mentioned before nor does it any easier for me to try to explain why I made the move and why one day he will too.

I could show him the picture of that pyramid and tell him that one day we’ll go visit and that we’ll have an adventure. He’ll like that. He’ll smile when I tell him about and then debate which one of us is more like Indiana Jones.

Write Because You Love It

If I told I write because I love it he would probably respond favorably and then ask me why. He is not a big fan of writing because it is hard for him and he thinks it takes a really long time.

And because he once watched me write a press release in about 25 minutes. It irritated him to see how fast and how cleanly it was produced but I told when you write because you love it things are much easier.

Not to mention that when you practice something over and over it becomes second nature and you find it is much easier to do than if it is something you rarely try.

Practice goes a long way, but it still won’t help you figure out how some people can listen to Justin Bieber like eating shrimp.

What about you? What do you think?

 

Tales of Treachery & Treason On The High Seas of Blogging

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Privateer ship Lynx in Morro Bay, CA privateer-ship-lynx-morro-bay

Some days as I sail the Mighty blog TheJackB through the reefs, shoals and storms we see throughout the blogosphere I think about how many times we have had to contend with blatant skullduggery and intentional obfuscation or purpose.

How many times have we done battle with numbskulls, nincompoops and ninnies who have tried to use tired blogging and social media tricks to convince us that they were superstars who deserved lavish amounts of praise for producing the sort of content that would best be served in a newspaper used by fish mongers.

I am not here to talk to you about the many ways you can use keywords like Snowden, Gandolfini, Blackhawks or North West to try and gain traffic.

Not going to start a flame war or talk about dad bloggers can monetize their blogs, nope, not going to do it.

What I Will Do Is Confess

What I will is confess that any time I hear the songs in the videos below I have to sing along. It is almost compulsive, but not quite:

and

Look out, here comes the blogger man….

Posts I Wish You Would Read

And yes I am going to link to some posts I wrote about blogging and writing because some of you may not have seen them and I hope you take time to check them out now.

  1. How To Become A Better Writer- Build Your Vocabulary
  2. How To Make Time For Blogging
  3. What Happens When You Get Bored With Blogging
  4. Can You Build Community Without Comments?
  5. Why Content Marketers Should Write Fiction
  6. 666 Devilish Ways To Murder a Blog(ger)
  7.  The Summer Of Blogging
  8. The Blog Assassin
  9. Five Stories Of Sexual Conquest In Social Media
  10. When Blogging Became a Popularity Contest

How To Wrestle With Faith Or Sex Doesn’t Always Sell

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Black hole wind
Five songs that are part of this post:

  1. Wedding Song- Bob Dylan
  2. Set Fire To The Rain (Live at The Royal Albert Hall)- Adele
  3. America- Simon & Garfunkel
  4. Hung My Head- Johnny Cash
  5. Tougher Than The Rest- Bruce Springsteen

Keep Walking Mr. Frodo

Every time I hear The Breaking of the Fellowship from the Lord of The Rings pieces of me are pulled in a million different directions and I find myself lost in dreams about places I have been and places I still want to see.

And somewhere in these moments I get lost because I think about the things that inspired How To Wrestle With Faith and shake my head in amazement and wonder.

That post isn’t religious in nature. You won’t find me proselytizing or trying to convince you to become a member of the tribe. Nah, that is my thinking out loud about life and wondering how I would find my way out of the labyrinth I was living in.

And now I am looking back and wondering how I made it.

Ordinary People Doing Extraordinary Things

If you want to understand all the parts and pieces of me you have to look at my love for stories and ask about what kinds of tales move me.

I love fantasy and action. Superheroes and dramas are a lot of fun too.

But sometimes what really grabs me are the tales of ordinary people doing extraordinary things. It is part of what I love about Frodo, in the story the hobbits are not who you expect to lead the charge or do the things they do.

FWIW, this is not an analysis of Lord Of The Rings or really any movie. I tend to stay away from that kind of stuff, school is over and I like suspending disbelief and just enjoying what I am watching.

And as a writer I can tell you that sometimes when I write that the man wore a black jacket it is not because I am trying to invoke symbolism of any sort. It is because the character likes black and there is no more depth to it at all.

Sex Doesn’t Always Sell or Does It

I haven’t had as much time to write as I want to nor have I had much time to go visit other blogs. In concept neither one of those should be significant problems but in practice I am not so certain.

The lack of commenting elsewhere has an impact upon traffic here and that is something I remain aware of. It bears noting because it has an impact upon the monetization of the blog and more importantly it has an impact on my writing.

If you are among the long time readers you know that I write because I love doing it and that I will continue to write whether anyone reads it or not.

However I realized a while back that if my goal is to become a published author there are benefits in generating more traffic because that leads to more comments/feedback on my writing and that is not a bad thing.

The feedback helps me understand whether my writing is compelling to more than a few or the kind of crap that is only read by refugees from the land of the burning river.

When you add in other factors such as the space being crowded and cluttered you can see why sometimes I create crazy headlines that I know will bring in traffic, but the fact is that sex doesn’t always sell and sometimes it is to a very select crowd.

It Is About Stories and Storytelling

Great stories make people stop what they are doing and that is what I want mine to be.  I want people to see I Taught Frank Sinatra How To Sing  and make time to read it because they know it is the kind of thing they don’t want to miss out on.

I owe so very much to blogging because it is where I rediscovered who I am and what I am supposed to do. It is where I maintained some of the most important connections in my life and the place that provided me with work.

It is also where I have spent quiet moments venting, thinking and considering about the important things in my life. It is where I think about how sometimes truth is stranger than fiction and that faith isn’t always based upon a higher power helping us.

Sometimes it is just belief that if ordinary people work hard, stay focused and keep moving they can accomplish extraordinary things.

What do you think?