The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for April 2012

Sweep The Leg

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sweeptheleg

Sweep the leg is the sort of pop culture reference that makes my generation smile. The boys and I use it both in jest and without, but I never thought that it would be used at my daughter’s soccer game.

That not just because the dark eyed beauty is 7.75 going on 30. It is because the league is for 8 and 9 year-old girls. It is supposed to be a place where the girls can have fun, learn how to be a part of a team and get the kind of exercise that video games can’t provide.

Most of the time the games really are nothing but fun, competitive but fun. But yesterday things got ugly. Yesterday the coach on the other team told his girls to sweep the leg.

Ok, I didn’t hear him say that but his team of pig tailed cut throats was out for blood. They pushed, kicked, shoved and tripped our girls with reckless abandon and unabashed enthusiasm.

The Enforcer

If you know me in real life you know that I play a very aggressive game on the field/court. I like the contact and I don’t mind banging into people or being hit. It is part of the game. So I told the girls to defend themselves. I told them that they were not to try and hurt the other team but that they couldn’t allow themselves to just be pushed around.

And then two of our girls went down hard and parents got angry. I did too. It was unnecessary.

I reiterated again that we weren’t there to retaliate but that we weren’t punching bags either.

In the interim things started to get ugly. The parents from the other team started trash talking and their coach told us to “get over it.” Words were exchanged and I began to wonder if things were going to wind up in a very dark place.

That made me very angry. There is no reason for that kind of talk or behavior, especially at a soccer game for kids.

The First Punch

I heard two of the fathers on their side start talking about who on our side needed to get their asses kicked and  I positioned myself just behind them. One of the other dads from my daughter’s team wandered over and told me that he thought I should stay out of it.

I laughed and told him that I wasn’t going to throw the first punch, but I wasn’t going to let them do it either. He said it wasn’t worth getting hurt and I told him that my kids weren’t going to witness a meaningless brawl on the side of the field.

He asked me how I would stop it and I told him that if necessary I would sweep the leg.

And Then What Happened

He laughed and I asked him to stay with me just in case something happened.  “I am not as big as you are and I don’t want to get hurt.” I shook my head at him and explained that it was unlikely he would. All we needed to do was stand in between the angry parties and calm would be maintained.

The coach for the other team turned and glared at us. “Your team is on the field coach, I think they need your attention. They are much cuter than we are. Maybe you should tell them to try kicking the ball and not our girls.”

My less than eager “peacekeeper” told me that I was doing a hell of a job of maintaining order. I smiled and said that some people just need a reminder that others are watching them.

In The End

The whistle blew and the game ended without fists flying. Several of our girls were in tears and there were still very angry parents buzzing about the edges of the field. More words were exchanged between them but fortunately nothing happened.

One of the moms on the other side made a crack about our girls being wimpy and I responded by telling her that nobody likes the mean girl and that mean moms are liked even less because junior high ended a long time ago. I wasn’t surprised to discover that she was the coach’s wife.

It really was a sad experience and a sad commentary about a lot of things. It is just a game.  My daughter is unaware of what happened between the parents on the sidelines so I am grateful for that.

Sometimes people are just peachy.

The Rhythm Of Life

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I couldn’t decide if the lady in front of me was a professional body builder or if she had once been a “he.” Nor could I find a courteous way to let them know that I don’t care what their gender is or their sexual orientation but was curious anyway.

We were seated inside a coffee shop on Ventura Boulevard. She was wearing a dress, had long black hair, bright red lipstick and was wearing a pair of Ray-Bans. Over to the right I listened to some guy try to impress the girl he walked in with and laughed at the ridiculous things he said.

I probably shouldn’t have laughed because I have been known to tell a tale or two myself.

He reminded me a bit of a peacock and I might have muttered something about how Marlon Perkins should have been there next to me.

The rebuilt Sherman Oaks Galleria, opened in 2002
The rebuilt Sherman Oaks Galleria, opened in 2002 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Every city and every home has its own rhythm of life but the Valley is the one that I know best. I remember the old Galleria and even if I didn’t all I would have to do is turn on Fast Times At Ridgemont High, Commando or a million other movies and they would transport me back in time.

I was a teenager when Valley Girl became a hit. I remember some of my cousins calling me to ask if I knew that “Encino” was famous. I thought it was kind of cool but it didn’t make much of a difference in my life until I was in college and even then it was relatively minor.

Can’t say that I remember too many of the girls speaking like Moon Unit does in the song, but there are definite elements of “truth” in it.

Now I look back at it and wonder if my children will try to tease me about it in the same way that my sisters and I used to tease our parents about their old yearbook pictures.

Maybe they’ll watch those John Hughes films that we never get tired of and roll their eyes.

Sunrise, Sunset

I don’t feel old nor do I think of myself as being anything but that guy I was between 19-25. It is true right, that reflection in the mirror isn’t quite right but that is only because I am looking at one of those wacky funhouse mirrors.

And these children of mine can’t really be this big already.  Every time I go watch them play soccer or basketball I marvel over how big they have gotten. And when they challenge me to a race or wrestling match I always take them up on it.

Dad has a serious competitive streak and he doesn’t like to lose, but one day they will be faster.

That moment fills me with hope, pride and dread. I want them to be better in every way but I am not nearly old enough to be ready to concede the athletic side of the fence to them. I accept that I can’t do what I did at 20 but I refuse to let go of the rest. Not now, not yet.

That Couple

I am still drinking my iced mocha. It is 183 degrees in the shade so I am nursing this sucker. The mystery lady in front of me keeps shifting in her seat and I keep looking around the place to see who else is in there with us.

There is a guy behind me that is talking far too loudly on his cellphone. I am not interested in listening to his conversation so I turn around and make eye contact with him.

Initially he glares at me but I don’t stop staring and he looks away first. A small smirk washes across my lips and I think of Marlon Perkins talking about the fight to be the alpha male.

There is an older guy standing at the front door. He dressed in charcoal slacks, dress shoes and a button down shirt. Salt and pepper hair help to camouflage the glasses propped on his head.

I wonder why who he is waiting for and why he is dressed up. It may not be summer but it sure feels like it. A woman walks in and I can tell that she is looking for someone.

She wanders over to the man and I can see her say something to him and I realize they are on a blind date. She is not dressed up like he is but it is clear she spent time perfecting her look.

They wander over to order drinks and he lets her walk in front of him. I watch his eyes roll up and down her body and he smiles. It took just a moment for him to decide that he is happy.

She finishes ordering her drink and steps aside so that he can order his.  Now the roles are reversed and she is the one checking him out. I don’t see her react one way or another. She is a better poker player than he is.

While they wait for their order to be filled they stand in front of my table exchanging small talk. I watch and listen, their proximity to my table not providing many choices in the matter.

Their drinks are ready and they walk away. Moments later I finish mine and walk out the back door.

The rhythm of life continues.

This post is part of YeahWrite#54.

The Problem With Public School

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“Jack, you can’t send your children to public school. It is not like it was when we were kids. The schools were good then, but now they aren’t. They are scary places where gangs roam the halls, kids get high and there is sex in the bathrooms.”

That is not an exact quote, but it is pretty damn close. At least I think it is, but who knows what I really remember from the days before my son entered kindergarten. What I know for certain is that more than one person said it to me and at the time I agreed with it…in concept that is.

That was before we made the decision to sell the house and search for greener pastures. Of course that first house was never supposed to be anything more than a starter home. I was making a boatload of money then but decided that the smarter move was to buy a smaller place just in case things changed.

I figured that it would help protect us and that if things happened and income changed dramatically we would be protected. Well, things happened. 9-11 happened. The recession happened. The housing market exploded. I changed jobs. My partner stopped taking his pills and went crazy (that is a true story, not exaggerated) and I had to adjust the plan.

oodnata

That house was great, albeit small, but the neighborhood school wasn’t good enough. Not enough parental involvement, too many kids who didn’t go to preschool and a host of other reasons were enough to push us in a different direction.

Private school.

I was a public school kid and had never thought about private school for my children, but things change and we adapt. There wasn’t as much money in my wallet as there had been but there was enough and education is of paramount importance. So we sent Little Jack off to private school and marveled over the education he received.

Time passed and he was joined by his little sister. It certainly wasn’t any easier but I just tightened my belt and fought harder to find ways to make it happen. In between I wrote posts about the struggle to keep it going and searched for alternatives, but didn’t like the options.

The housing market was still crazy and though I had plenty of equity it wasn’t enough to get us into a house that offered bettered opportunity, or so I thought. Since the overwhelming majority of the family lived in town we didn’t want to leave. Two sets of grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins- all here.

But things happen and you have to adapt.

Middle School Approaches

The boy who at birth weighed an even eight pounds is more than ten times that now and almost finished with 5th grade. Middle school starts in 6th grade. Decisions have to be made.

His current school only goes through sixth grade so at best he has one more year there. But the thing is that I don’t know that I have the cash to keep it up. Not to mention that I have his sister to think about too.

I want her to get as much as he has gotten. I want her to have the same opportunities. I want to be fair. But I am not sure that I can make that happen and the guilt weighs upon my conscience.

There are decisions to be made and I don’t really know what will happen/.

A couple of good contracts and all is good. A couple of deals and I can put them both through another year but I don’t know if that makes sense. I am tired of fighting this battle year after year.

If I was a boxer and private school were my foe I would have a winning record, but I would be battered, bloodied and bruised. And for what?

Good Public Schools Exist

Good public schools exist but if you don’t live in the district there aren’t any guarantees that you will get in. It is a lottery and though the odds may be better than the state lotto there aren’t any guarantees.

We can move but…

Good public schools drive up the price of homes in the area. Rents are affected too.

I ask myself what I would do if money were no object and I have an answer but it doesn’t make me happy…

Pushing The Envelope

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“Hell, there are no rules here – we’re trying to accomplish something.“ Thomas A. Edison

That is one of my favorite quotes. It speaks to me on multiple levels and serves as a reminder that there is no one way to do this right. Every day I come here and I try to do three things:

1) Become a better writer.

2) Build a bigger platform.

3) Publish my book(s).

In between and intermixed I do my best to build and cultivate relationships with the people who hang out here and the people I meet elsewhere around the ‘sphere. Some days are really easy and some are hard but as long as I feel like I am making progress I am happy.

It is only when I feel like I trapped that I get truly crazy. And those moments do exist. They crop up from time to time and I feel like I have been punched in the mouth, kicked in the balls and slapped across the face.

But the beauty of struggle and challenge is that it lends itself to writing and that serves a purpose. It is well past midnight and my bed beckons, but before I go a few more thoughts to share.

I am still trying to determine whether I should start an email newsletter. If so I will select either AWeber or MailChimp as my newsletter “provider.” The point and purpose of the newsletter is to continue to build connections and build the platform. Yes, building a platform sounds kind of sterile but it fits with my goal.

I want to become a published author and that platform goes a long way towards things.

My “About Me” page needs to be polished and reworked. It is one of the most important pages in this blog so I want to make it better.

Here are links to recent posts:

Opportunity and momentum are the words I’ll go to sleep with tonight. Opportunity refers to what lies in front of me. I see multiple opportunities to do something big, special and important. Momentum is what I have right now- I am actively moving towards these goals and need to take advantage of that momentum.

It is always easier to move when you are already moving than from a stationary position.

Got to run now. See you in the AM.

You Can’t Break A Broken Heart

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Are you ready to go on a little trip? Traveling Jack is getting warmed up now, stretching a little bit here and there. He has some ideas, oh yes he does. Here are a few excerpts from existing fragments and some music that might go with them.

Tunnel Of Love– Bruce Springsteen

“The stormy weather matches my mood. It fluctuates between pensive and irritated. Flashes of light streak across the sky followed by deep booming noises. It reminds me of places past and present. Twenty-five years ago I walked down the streets of Jerusalem and watched a soldier react to the sound of dynamite exploding.

He threw my friend upon the ground and brought his weapon to his shoulder, eyes scanning the highway for signs of danger.

Seventeen years ago violent shaking woke me from a restless slumber. Women and children screamed, car alarms shrieked, glass broke and the earth issued this incredible rumble. For a moment I feared that I would be thrown from my bed and then the moment had passed.

You are out there somewhere. You were always out there. When I walked those streets of Jerusalem and made plans to leave America you were living your life elsewhere. And again you were there when the earth shook and I wondered if this was the moment when the ground would open up and swallow my home.

There has never been a time or moment that you weren’t there. Only moments of ignorance and lack of awareness. You weren’t on my radar or a gleam in my eyes. Perhaps you were a dream that I never wanted to believe in. A dream because I didn’t believe that someone like you was out there.

It is funny in an odd sort of way. I can hear you telling me that you’ll never forgive me for not finding you sooner. I can hear you calling my name…”

Lightning Strikes Twice

Visions of Paradise– Mick Jagger

“It is no secret that I have spent more than a few minutes thinking about you, wondering what you are doing and who you are doing it with. If I listened to the experts you’d never hear a word from me or about me. I’d be nothing more than a ghost in time, a memory of someone you once knew.

And if my past was any guide then that is how it would have gone down. We would have said whatever it is two people say to each other before they leave and then I would have walked out of your life and found whatever was waiting for me. That is how it had always gone before so it was more than a little shocking to me that it didn’t happen now.

But who am I kidding, this thing we share has never been conventional, ordinary or normal. It has always been something..more. A moment in time that never yellows with age or withers with time. I don’t have to close my eyes to see…”

Echoes of The Future

And So it Goes– Billy Joel

“Can’t remember the last time I signed into the good old Instant Messenger and there you were. I wondered if it was a sign or just coincidence.

Anne Stacey. There you were. A little picture of your smiling face flashed up at me and I smiled back. For a moment I just stopped and stared. Watched and wondered what to do. You told me to give you some space and I had done that. But the truth for both of us is/was that space is a funny term.

Throughout the years there have been a few brief moments where we felt that we needed some time away from each other. Moments of anger and or frustration. Moments of confusion when we tried to catch our breath and figure it all out. But throughout it all we always found that it was impossible to completely forget the existence of the other.

It is a hard thing to explain, but we always feel better when we allow the contact. And when we are separated intentionally or otherwise we have a tendency to seek the little things that connect us. There is a comfort in those things. We passed the point many years ago when…”

Instant Messenger

Nights In White Satin– The Moody Blues

“We’re standing on the balcony staring out at the sunset. You’re barefoot wearing nothing but that sun dress I like. I am in my usual shorts and a t-shirt. Our drinks rest on the table next to us while dolphins play in the sea below us. Great splotches of orange, red, blue and magenta are painted against the sky. Your hand fits perfectly inside of mine and I wonder if I have ever been so content with holding hands. A silent smirk creeps across my face and I catch you staring at me. I know you. I know that look. You want to know what I am thinking but I remain silent.

You look at me again and I raise my eyebrows and smile. In return you give me that look that says that you are somewhere in between content and exasperation. I try not to smirk. I tamed you when no one else could. You know it and I know it. I am trying…”

I Know Things

What To Do When Your Life Is All Hype & No Hoopla

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Every day I wake up and I ask myself if today is the day I am going to win the lottery, cure cancer and hit the game winning shot in game seven of the NBA championship series. I close my eyes and hear Chick Hearn calling the play:

Magic dribble drives left, passes the ball to Steiner at the top of the key. Steiner elevates over bird and sinks it! The game is over! The Lakers beat the Celtics! I hear the crowd going wild and then I open my eyes and discover that I am in my pajamas. I didn’t hit that shot and Magic doesn’t know my name.

That is one dream that isn’t going to happen and not because Chick Hearn is dead. But that is not the point because what I am focused on is making it happen, it being my other dreams and I have many.

Making It Happen

My friend Steve Rice sent me a link to a Danielle LaPorte video about making it happen that really resonated with me. That first video led me to a second video about building a book proposal. If you know me in real life you know that I am a semi skeptic about signs and messages from the universe.

I want to believe but part of me holds back because it is easy to see what we want to see. Yet I have to acknowledge that one of the big goals in my life is to publish not just a book, but many books.

I am a storyteller. There is a great story over here that I am going to publish. I am going to make it happen because it has to happen. Why? Because at a few weeks short of 43 I am certain that writing is what I should be doing with my life. Because I have spent decades doing many things that helped me recognize that there is a giant gaping hole in my heart that can’t be filled by any one person.

It can only be filled by me and only by satisfying my need to create. I am a writer. I am a storyteller. Spend time with me and you will see that I am a powerhouse of energy. I  kid around about being crazy and I make my share of self deprecating jokes, but I love myself enough to acknowledge I haven’t treated my heart the way that I should.

There has been a lack of consistent commitment on my part that I cannot allow to continue. And that is changing…now.

Commitment

Actually that has been changing for quite some time but this is the time when I have made the public declaration. This is the time where I say that my children need to see that their father goes the distance for what is important to him.

This is the time where I say that I have spent the last chunk of time, however long it has been struggling to keep everything going. It has been one series of battles after another. There have been more than a few minutes where I wanted to scream because it felt like the easy things were three times as hard as they should be.

Moments where I put on my gloves and beat the hell out of my heavy bag and wondered how someone had shoved a bit into my mouth and hitched me to a plow. And believe me, I plowed the hell out of those fucking fields and every moment I did was with an eye searching for a way to break the shackles so that I could run free.

I said that I found my life less than beautiful. I said that it was unsatisfying and I told the universe that I wasn’t interested in mixed messages. I said give it to me straight or give me a chance to fight. I told the universe I would go toe-to-toe and that I would give back twice as good as I got.

That is really where commitment comes into the mix. Commitment to continue to work on making the changes that have to occur to correct the course. Commitment to try a different path and open my eyes/heart.

Los Angeles Lakers Magic Johnson and Boston Ce...
Los Angeles Lakers Magic Johnson and Boston Celtics Larry Bird in Game two of the 1985 NBA Finals at Boston Garden (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Understanding, Gratitude & Appreciation

I love that picture of Bird and Magic- nothing but good memories there. Not to mention stories, oh do I have stories. Understanding myself, my needs, desires and what I want is one of the gifts that blogging has given to me.

I know more about Jack than I ever did. I know what I want and what I need.

There is more gratitude and appreciation floating around inside the big melon on top of my neck than I can tell you. It is funny to me. Funny because I know that this sounds contradictory to what I have written.

But you need to understand that even though I have oodles of frustration and a bucket of anger it doesn’t mean that I am an unhappy person. If anything I am an impatient happy person.

Impatient because I started working on making changes quite some time ago and they aren’t happening fast enough. Frustrated because some of the crap that I have been contending with is outside of my control and  has nothing to do with me.

But happy because I am working on the things that make me happy. Happy because there is an awful lot of good in my life and because I am really freaking young. I have decades to enjoy the life I am building now.

Doesn’t mean that I don’t have dark moments or that I won’t get frustrated because that won’t change. It just means that I am an ordinary Joe who is doing his best to enjoy the journey.

What about you?